beefolive Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Hi Guys, I have decide that i will give my ex a card when i leave our place of work on thursday. She isnt interested in me at the moment, she is friendly within school but outwith that she is cold and silent. Its her way of coping i think?, as well as the fact she has another guy to think about who is filling the void that i left so she doesnt feel she needs to deal with any of it. Anyway, going to write her a card before i go to say goodbye, im looking for some help/inspiration about what to write...any ideas would be welcome. Its not to get a reaction or for her to change her mind, just a genuine goodbye from me. Im not sure if she realises that when im gone im gone.
barriob Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 dont send her anything. she doesnt deserve it. i tried doing that and my ex took it the wrong way.
Lucio Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 i don't think u should leave that goodbye note.. unless it gives you closure.
Author beefolive Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I spoke about this previously in another post before. I guess it is to give me closure, knowing that ive done absolutely everything to get her back at this time. Im hurt massively by it all, the new guy, the cutting me out of her life and acting totally cold like two years meant nothing. It means in my head and in my opinion i can walk away holding my head high knowing that ive given her the option to talk to me and try to work things out on a number of occasions.
barriob Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 yeah exact thing is happening to me too. i have tried so hard to make it owrk with my ex but he ignores me and chooses to text me when he feels like it
Lucio Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 well what the heck, i guess all of us shall do what we want to do! if it turns out bad, it's our own consequence to eat. if it turns out good, hooray! if nothing turns up, at least we have no regrets. good luck to all of us!
Author beefolive Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 now all i need to do is work out what to write
smudge21 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 If you're sure about this, sure you're happy in giving her that one last ego boost (after she ignored your other attempts), sure that you want to walk away thinking that she's read the card, shrugged her sholders and binned it, sure that you can handle the regret of sending it... then I guess all I can suggest is that you keep is short and simple. No emotion that she can pick up on - no anger or love. Just a friendly goodbye.
Author beefolive Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 along the lines of i hope it all goes really well for you Thanks for eveything Obviously in a little bit more detail though
smudge21 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 You really want to say thanks for everything???
Author beefolive Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 yeah true, well wish her the best hope it works out for you
smudge21 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Sorry, but usually I would say it's okay to say goodbye and be polite, but after you told us she'd ignored previous contact I can't help feel this will accomplish nothing. You leaving without saying anything special to her would have more effect and make you feel stronger in the long run. Just treating her like another person at work would be so much better, as that's all she is now. Picture it - you say goodbye to everyone, maybe a final drink, then you go. As you pass her you just smile and shake her hand or whatever, then move onto the next person. She's left stunned - so used to you making the effort and now, for the final time, you haven't. And you're gone for good.
M2155 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Just treating her like another person at work would be so much better, as that's all she is now. Picture it - you say goodbye to everyone, maybe a final drink, then you go. As you pass her you just smile and shake her hand or whatever, then move onto the next person. She's left stunned - so used to you making the effort and now, for the final time, you haven't. And you're gone for good. I agree with this. Well put. (But we know how the OP is thinking )
Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Hi Guys, I have decide that i will give my ex a card when i leave our place of work on thursday. She isnt interested in me at the moment, she is friendly within school but outwith that she is cold and silent. Its her way of coping i think?, as well as the fact she has another guy to think about who is filling the void that i left so she doesnt feel she needs to deal with any of it. Anyway, going to write her a card before i go to say goodbye, im looking for some help/inspiration about what to write...any ideas would be welcome. Its not to get a reaction or for her to change her mind, just a genuine goodbye from me. Im not sure if she realises that when im gone im gone. You need to answer this question.... What are your expectations from this note? Are you hoping that it makes her run back into your arms? If you are I wouldn't write it, because you are just going to lose your self-respect and set yourself back. Are you really saying goodbye? If you are, then don't write the note, because it is not needed. Just being gone is good enough. Quit talking to her and writing her notes. Go NC... She needs to know that she doesn't get to pick if/when you all talk. She needs to know that you are not there for her anymore. Quit letting her no you give a damn. Either way.... DON'T WRITE IT!!! Or feel free to write it, but post it here instead of giving it to her. Nothing good will come of it. Nothing.
Author beefolive Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 That appears to be quite a good idea guys..Will work better than a note or card. I mean i asked her last week to go for some food as i thought it would be a good way to say goodbye and have a chat. She said yeah thatd be good ill check what night im free. I leave school 2moro and she still hasnt got back to me. She has turned us going out for some food into a fairwell drink with the other staff....emsiled last night to say so! Dont know if i want to give her the satisfaction of going or not.
smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 That says to me that she doesn't want to be put in an awkward position with you, one where you possibly may start getting all serious with her. She wants to avoid that. If the fairwell drink has been organised then go to it. Be polite and chat to everyone, including her, but no talk whatsoever about the relationship or your feelings. That's what she's expecting, so don't do it. By not turning up, you'll only regret it and wished you had. By turning up and being polite, without showing emotion, you'll be the bigger man and leave a lasting memory. That's what I'd do...
Author beefolive Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Yeah thats what i was edging towards!. Funny thing is, she just sent me an email asking how i was etc etc general chit chat and then asked if she could come see me this morning when she was free!. How do i go about dealing with that, i mean its great she wants to come see me before i leave but i have such mixed emotions atm
Author beefolive Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 is it worth telling her i agree with the desicion to break up or anything like that? Reality is whatever i do isnt going to change anything, its just i want to leave it on the best possible terms incase there is any hope in the future
Author beefolive Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Guys, Yesterday was pretty strange. As i mentioned previously the ex initiated contact yesterday and even asked if she could come over to see me in class. She did and it was all fairly light hearted etc etc. Thing is i have been lc with her as much as possible. Then out of the blue this, the conversation and flirting like we had never been apart. Maybe she was actually beginning to realise that when i leave work today thats it ill be gone?.. She hasnt initiated anything since we split. Also had my leaving drinks last night and she made a point of sitting with me and carrying on with our light hearted chat. We were laughing all night. At the end of it all i told her i really appreciated her heading down and that whatever has happened between us i will really miss her when im gone. She said that she does miss me and has been trying to get used to the fact that i wont be around. Thats the first sign of emotion since we split either. Now im not getting carried away, she has moved on, there is another guy but maybe this is a step in the rite direction?. Or i could just be getting my hopes up for nothing, perhaps she wanted to end on good terms too?.
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 You're like me, feeding hope a bit too much. We can all presume what our exs are thinking, and often we presume that everything they do is a way to get us back, but the fact is we don't know. When we presume its all good, then all we're doing is looking at it with rose-tinted glasses on and wanting it to be a certain way. Maybe you're right that she was just wanting to end on a positive note. Maybe also she wants to see if you're still interested and therefore keep you hanging on just in case she wants to come back to you. You don't know and you shouldn't think about it too much. My ex has done similar - just the occasional contact. It's never what I want to hear obviously, more to stroke her own ego a bit. I would definitely suggest you don't encourage the behaviour and continue to play it cool, rather than saying anything to her about the relationship. If she is interested again (and I'm not saying that's the case, there's no real evidence of it) then she'll do the moves to show you she is. Be careful though, as you well know she's with someone else, and you don't want to be pulled into that messy situation.
Author beefolive Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah, its tough, as much as im trying to let her go and walk away, everytime ive made progress she re appaears or gives me a tiny bit of hope (well in my eyes). Ive given her so many chances and opportunities to tal, she knows how i feel but yet she has chosen to ignore them and move on. I think the thing is, its a lot harder to let go of someone when you really dont want to. I need to, if she had wanted anything to do with me she would have made it clear by now.
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It took a change of jobs for me to get over an ex that I worked with many years ago. Even in the new job, I would think about her, but then things changed. I can't say when it happened, but one day I just didn't care. A year later I saw her and there was nothing; no love, no emotion, didn't even find her attractive. Such a change considering I would've done anything to be with this girl. Sadly some dumpers like to keep the ex around, maybe try friendship as then it stops them feeling bad for doing the dumping. As dumpees that never works. We still have those emotions that they've long since lost. We still see them as we always have whereas they just see us as their past. Walking away now will be tough, but doing it with dignity and holding onto some pride will be better in the long run.
Author beefolive Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Today will be tough, id say probably one of the toughest ive had. I guess its a way of letting go, walking away from her. I can safely say that when i walk out of that door i wont be texting emailing or anything like that. I feel like ive done all i can, anything else would just be repeating myself and whats the point. She doesnt want to be with me and thats my issue to deal with. I just wish she had been able to show any emotion, tell me she missed me or something like that before yesterday. For some reason that might have made it a little easier. She has managed to be so strong/stubborn throughout this. Made her desicion and stuck to it as she didnt want any chance of me possibly hurting her again. I hope that in the future i can look back and be happy about everything we had together. Thank you for all of your advice and help
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I think walking away would be harder if she'd shown emotion or even started to say the things you long to hear, but not really taken those steps to get you back. If she does try to speak to you today, then have a way to end the conversation quick. You don't want to walk out of there leaving her with all the power, not now, that will eat away at you afterwards. Should she approach you and mention the past, just remind her that it was her decision to walk away, and then simply say "take care", and leave. Don't let her bring up the past or cause you linger any longer than you need to. After you've gone, if she decides to make contact, that's for another thread, but today is about you leaving an impression - one that simply says "I'm doing fine without you..."
Author beefolive Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 showing her that i am ok without her is obviously the way to go. Perhaps it will get her thinking, perhaps it wont
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