Coupedriver Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Ok..most of you know what goes on with me and my ex.She split for another guy but wanted to use my address to get her daughter into a better school so I agreed.She also picks up her mail here..I send a short e-mail.."Mails here" once a week and nothing more.She always responds with a " Can I please pick it up on Tuesday and THANKS...!" ( She told me a few months ago she was REALLY GREATFUL for understanding about using my address..) Nothing really said but I dont know how to read those answers..Being nice and kissing my arse so she can still use my address ? Just bothers me some days.Now I NEED an answer on this...I started asking several friends as what I should do..Do I tell her .."Sorry,I cant take seeing e-mails coming from you,gives me false hope.Change your address." Or put my feelings on the shelf and DON'T worry about it and STOP reading into anything more.I NEED FEEDBACK..!!! NOW...
ffw Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Ok..most of you know what goes on with me and my ex.She split for another guy but wanted to use my address to get her daughter into a better school so I agreed.She also picks up her mail here..I send a short e-mail.."Mails here" once a week and nothing more.She always responds with a " Can I please pick it up on Tuesday and THANKS...!" ( She told me a few months ago she was REALLY GREATFUL for understanding about using my address..) Nothing really said but I dont know how to read those answers..Being nice and kissing my arse so she can still use my address ? Just bothers me some days.Now I NEED an answer on this...I started asking several friends as what I should do..Do I tell her .."Sorry,I cant take seeing e-mails coming from you,gives me false hope.Change your address." Or put my feelings on the shelf and DON'T worry about it and STOP reading into anything more.I NEED FEEDBACK..!!! NOW... She left you for another guy and you are taking her mails. What is happening to the man nowadays? Before i say anything more, its imoprtant to know whether its your daughther involved here?
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Good question...and tough position to be in. Well, if it's your daughter, then okay. But if it isn't...well, tough call. It isn't the little girls fault that your Ex doesn't have a moral compass. Then again, you didn't ask for her to leave you either or to be used and thrust into this situation. Going on the later, that it isn't the little girls fault and the school year has already started...I would just tough it out for the school year. Hell, there's only 6-7 months left. Keep contact with Ex to a minimum and at the end of the school year, tell her she has to make other arrangements.
Author Coupedriver Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 She is not my daughter...but I helped raise her for 8 years..!!
Author Coupedriver Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Still wondering on how to handle her getting her mail here.....Tell her NO or just let it go....?
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Still wondering on how to handle her getting her mail here.....Tell her NO or just let it go....? dammit man tell her NO! if it is bothering you that much, do whats good for you. tell her no. Tell her you wil call the school and change it to her current address and shell have to deal with the fallout. BTW if you do this, she will try her best to deflate you, m ake sure you see if coming so she doesnt succeed.
Author Coupedriver Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Some days it bugs me...other days I just say WHATEVER and think of other things.
nini Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'd suggest that if a change in address will in any way jeopardise/disturb anything related to the daughter's school/prospects/future etc. then don't make her change it, just think of being the bigger man and doing what's right... If it doesn't really affect the daughter at all, then tell her to change it.
ffw Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Still wondering on how to handle her getting her mail here.....Tell her NO or just let it go....? My take is if you like to continue receiving mail then do it only for her daughter and not for her. I am sure you must have form a bond with her daughter. But if you think seeing her is going to bring back all the memories and give you pain, then its better to let it go.
Chi townD Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Collect up all her mail peroidically; put it in a big envolpe and drop it in the mail. No e-mails, no texts, no phonecalls. After a while, she will just be a name on a envolpe.
Kageytn Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I agree with Chi. You are very vulnerable right now and you don't need this. Simply mail it with no contact and, once you are stronger (and you will be) then discuss how to handle it in the future. You have to do whatever it takes to survive right now. Put yourself and your needs first. If even mailing it is too much then she needs to find a solution. Ultimately, it's her problem not yours.
sun_moon Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I personally think you should cut her out cold. Tell her it's no longer an option. Like others said on here, you are vulnerable right now and dont need to cling on to a hope or get a trigger that will cause you to regress. Besides your therapist has been telling you from the start to cut her mail off. Listen to you therapist. Unfortunately, the daughter's school is at stake, but does that change if its mid year? Your selfish ex should have thought of her consequences before she decided to run off into the sunset with a new person. I know its hard because you are emotionally attached to her daughter, but you shouldnt feel guilty for something HER OWN MOTHER caused, the burden is on her and not on you.
M2155 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Yes, I think you should stop taking her mail. Why can't she put a change of address and have her mail go to her place now? As long as she keeps your address listed with the school will that not be enough? It would make me sick to keep getting all my ex's mail regardless if I was over him or not. If there is no other way around this I agree with the previous poster who said bag it up and drop it somewhere.
Author Coupedriver Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 I wrote her and told her a few weeks ago to have the mail stopped.The letter was pretty wordy..I told her how I felt,where we would be right now and how happy it would have been for all 3 of us.I told her I cant live with false hope and to change it.I told her YOU told me you didnt want me in your life,YOU told me to move on...She writes back that she will stop by and pick it up..I replied and told her.."This is the LAST time.." for this.Now mail keeps piling up..AGAIN.Now I said a while ago,that I feel something is wrong..I cant shake it.In the last letter I asked her if she said she was SO happy,while does she always look so miserable when I see her..? ( makes me happy...dont ask..) No answer at all...That feeling is still within me...I cant shake it.Yeah I know its NOT my problem but all of a sudden I am getting bill collectors calling the HOUSE looking for HER..!! WTH is going on..? G.I.G.S not working out..?Maybe trying to hold ON to me just in case.?
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 You know where she lives right? Her address? Go to the post office, fill out the card and forward her mail for her. Done!
sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 leave leave leave! tell her to get her own dang address! she blew it! and now using u to get her daughter into a better school? well obviously your super nice and she gave up on someone good to her and her child. but know what, she's a tool for giving you mix signals.
Darren Steez Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Honestly dude you're p*ssing me off, she left you for another man and you're being "understanding"? She doesn't live there so tell her no more mail and if any mail still arrives then forward it...you're hanging on to her like a lapdog so you can still see her every now and then meanwhile she's banging someone else. sheesh!
Recommended Posts