momto3boys Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Seems like my ex is hot and cold. One minute he acts like he misses me and hints that he may want to reconcile, but then we will talk an hour or 2 later and he's mean, cold and distant again. Then he will act jealous and question who ive been with, what im doing, etc. Then we will talk later and he will be once again cold and distant. Is this a normal pattern during a separation? I of course would like things to work out, we are married, we have a family and about to have a baby in a few weeks. But then again i am ok with moving on too.
carhill Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I've seen this pattern but it wasn't a marked feature of our separation and D. We did 'get into it' a few times with regards to specifics of our negotiations over 'stuff', but there was no 'hot and cold' regarding the relationship. The deep freeze was pretty much bi-lateral. IME, mostly with MW's, such behaviors happen when someone else (an affair partner) is in the picture and the married person is unstable emotionally. I'm sure men can be the same way. I saw signs of instability in myself but was unclear whether it was from caregiving or EA or both. The EA ended before my mom died and while separated and I still saw similar signs so I'll historically attribute them to caregiving for a crazy person. Giving your pregnancy status, I imagine your H has a lot on his mind. Some men process emotions in ways which are hard to understand. Transparency and consistency may be features they do not naturally possess, so sometimes it comes out in a nonsensical jumble. This may especially be true of men who generally show little emotion. I found, when faced with that, at least the cold, mean and distant part, though it wasn't often in our D, that accepting it as my exW's truth was the healthiest path. MC helped with that. Good luck.
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