aj22one Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Lots of unemployed guys date. Lots of guys living with their parents date. It happens. Getting a job is a lot easier than getting a girlfriend lemme tell you.
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Lots of unemployed guys date. Lots of guys living with their parents date. It happens. Getting a job is a lot easier than getting a girlfriend lemme tell you. They can do that because they have better social skills. We don't unfortunately, and having gone past that point, most girls our age don't really want to date guys like us. Not a complaint, just an observation. And I have to admit that while there are girls that would date me, the problem is I don't really want to date any of them. I am improving my skills at attracting girls, but I'm at a disadvantage so I have to do what I can to improve other areas too.
carhill Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 And the 'perfect' time is now. Life will, IME, never be 'perfect', so grab the lemons and make lemonade. IME, the dating 'process' can be more daunting the longer one waits to begin it, but the learning curve is fast once immersed. First step is hardest, which is generally why people who start dating during their most flexible years of social integration, young adulthood/teenage years, have an 'easier' time of it. As we get older, habits, attitudes and personality features become more ingrained and it becomes increasingly problematic to step out of our 'routine'. Doable? Sure, but also something which causes one to cast their gaze around looking for an easier path. If you made an earnest effort today, the worst thing that could happen would be rejection. That sucks, but recognizing it as a sucky part of life, along with all the really cool parts of life, puts it into perspective. If I were in the OP's situation, my first interest would be finding some work, probably to the extent that dating wouldn't be on my mind. I recall losing my job in my mid-20's and facing the decision whether to look for other work or take the risk and become self-employed. TBH, women were the furthest thing on my mind at that moment, even though I had been markedly 'in love' not long prior to those events. It was, for myself, a natural prioritization. OP, thoughts?
mtber75 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 OP I can answer this question accurately because I was in the same boat as you at your age. In my early 20s I wasn't all that interested in girls because the social circle that I was involved with was more into academics and starting their careers. I had opportunities in school but I was just too immature to take them:( I only started dating regularly in my late 20s and early 30s so I'm a late starter. Does dating get harder...Yes and no! Yes because the longer you wait, your self esteem/mentality and physical attributes starts to fad. That's why girls are like "they have to get married/settled with a man by a certain age" because their biological clock is striking doomsday (not every girl BUT many). But in certain areas, dating actually get better with age. You get more confident because you are generally making more money and you pretty much know what you want in your live when your older. I'm in my mid 30s and I don't really see my dating pool shrinking. In fact I haven't been more confident in my life at this stage of my life. Physically, I'm in the best shape of my life and I have the financial muscle that I only could have dreamed of in my 20s. But dating does take a lot of effort and its a long term process (in terms of years before you meet that special someone). So I do suggest that you start this process earlier rather than later.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 And the 'perfect' time is now. Life will, IME, never be 'perfect', so grab the lemons and make lemonade. IME, the dating 'process' can be more daunting the longer one waits to begin it, but the learning curve is fast once immersed. First step is hardest, which is generally why people who start dating during their most flexible years of social integration, young adulthood/teenage years, have an 'easier' time of it. As we get older, habits, attitudes and personality features become more ingrained and it becomes increasingly problematic to step out of our 'routine'. Doable? Sure, but also something which causes one to cast their gaze around looking for an easier path. If you made an earnest effort today, the worst thing that could happen would be rejection. That sucks, but recognizing it as a sucky part of life, along with all the really cool parts of life, puts it into perspective. If I were in the OP's situation, my first interest would be finding some work, probably to the extent that dating wouldn't be on my mind. I recall losing my job in my mid-20's and facing the decision whether to look for other work or take the risk and become self-employed. TBH, women were the furthest thing on my mind at that moment, even though I had been markedly 'in love' not long prior to those events. It was, for myself, a natural prioritization. OP, thoughts? I mean, if I had bills to pay (other than gas, car insurance and cell phone which I do pay for) and no savings I'd be more concerned about it. Also, if I wasn't the 24 year old kissless virgin I'd be more into finding work. I guess I just feel like I'm not getting any of the "real" jobs I've applied for so I might as well do what I'm doing now and then go get a job at Target or something temporary. I've been dreading going back into retail because I really don't want to do it. But I will bite the bullet if it comes to it. I'm just dissatisfied with every aspect of my life right now and being a young guy the most "pressing" desire I suppose concerns the fairer gender.
somedude81 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Have you thought about trying to start dating recently?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Have you thought about trying to start dating recently? Yeah. I created a new OLD account and thought about where I should go to try to meet women.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 But dating does take a lot of effort and its a long term process (in terms of years before you meet that special someone). So I do suggest that you start this process earlier rather than later. Yeah. I guess I'm just worried that being unemployed and living with my parents would make dating more difficult than it already has been so it would just be a fruitless effort.
dasein Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 At your age OP, nothing at all to worry about. Take your time, and when an opportunity does come up, don't move too fast. 90% of problems here and IME come from moving too early and too fast, very few from moving too late or too slow. Every time in my life I think I lost an opportunity due to not moving fast enough, turns out down the road that opportunity wasn't as good as it seemed. This doesn't mean to not be overtly but respectfully flirtatious and sexual in your dealings with women you are attracted to, always do that no matter what. If you come across women who pry into your experience or lack of it early on, and judge you negatively for it, good for you, those are low quality in many ways and best avoided. Women who instantly start fitting you into an agenda from the get-go and can't simply enjoy dating or getting to know people are usually miserable and will make you miserable in time. When you do start dating, there's no need to wear your inexperience on your sleeve or make a deal of it. Women will take your lead, and if you act weird or strange, they will feel weird or strange.
somedude81 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Yeah. I created a new OLD account and thought about where I should go to try to meet women. Make a thread about meeting women. Outside of college, work and bars, I really have no idea. And yeah, there is OLD. Maybe you'd have some luck, but you'd need a great profile and pictures to stand out from the herd.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Make a thread about meeting women. Outside of college, work and bars, I really have no idea. And yeah, there is OLD. Maybe you'd have some luck, but you'd need a great profile and pictures to stand out from the herd. I might do that. And yeah online dating has been brutal. I met one chick off of there the entire time I used it. Most of my messages were never even responded to. And shh. Don't talk about photos. Plumprincess will show up any minute to ridicule everyone.
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I might do that. And yeah online dating has been brutal. I met one chick off of there the entire time I used it. Most of my messages were never even responded to. And shh. Don't talk about photos. Plumprincess will show up any minute to ridicule everyone. LOL don't worry about photos. I don't, I usually have mine up at some point. But looks has never really been my problem in all honesty......
carhill Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I mean, if I had bills to pay (other than gas, car insurance and cell phone which I do pay for) and no savings I'd be more concerned about it. Also, if I wasn't the 24 year old kissless virgin I'd be more into finding work. I guess I just feel like I'm not getting any of the "real" jobs I've applied for so I might as well do what I'm doing now and then go get a job at Target or something temporary. I've been dreading going back into retail because I really don't want to do it. But I will bite the bullet if it comes to it. I'm just dissatisfied with every aspect of my life right now and being a young guy the most "pressing" desire I suppose concerns the fairer gender. Understand. I had a mortgage at the time, along with being a "kissless virgin", so my priorities were perhaps different. TBH, I just kinda read along here nodding my head with all these young guys who struggle with dating. Seen it all, lived it. Some days I wish I felt more passionate about sharing that stuff but I really don't. It's like a lifetime ago. My advice, if you're 'dissatisfied' with the current direction of your life, is to pick one thing each day which you have the most control over and move it in a positive direction. That could be as simple as lending an ear to a friend. Build on positive steps. Good luck
make me believe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 fortynine, I don't know your backstory, but why are you unemployed and living at home but not motivated to do anything about it? I mean being unemployed isn't the end of the world, but you seem to have no plans to change that anytime soon. What are you going to do with your life? Did you attend college? If not, have you considered starting now?? You just seem very stuck and like you've resigned yourself to the way things are right now. Where do you want to be in a few years?? About the dating issue... I love the advice about going to a fun local bar (not a club, but a cool, casual bar. A local dive would probably be perfect -- check yelp for your city) and just chatting up EVERYBODY. Young, old, man, woman, sexy, weird... Just practice socializing and having fun on your own. I guarantee you that a guy who is in a bar just to have a good time and socialize will have an easier time attracting a girl than a guy who goes in there to try out the latest PUA techniques or whatever. Being unemployed & living with your parents will definitely make dating a little more difficult. But a lot of girls will overlook it IF you have a plan for turning your situation around. Being content to live at home & not have a job for the forseeable future is not going to be attractive to a girl.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Understand. I had a mortgage at the time, along with being a "kissless virgin", so my priorities were perhaps different. TBH, I just kinda read along here nodding my head with all these young guys who struggle with dating. Seen it all, lived it. Some days I wish I felt more passionate about sharing that stuff but I really don't. It's like a lifetime ago. My advice, if you're 'dissatisfied' with the current direction of your life, is to pick one thing each day which you have the most control over and move it in a positive direction. That could be as simple as lending an ear to a friend. Build on positive steps. Good luck Well the little bit that I have read has been profoundly insightful to be honest. I think you're the "sage" of LS.
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 fortynine, I don't know your backstory, but why are you unemployed and living at home but not motivated to do anything about it? I mean being unemployed isn't the end of the world, but you seem to have no plans to change that anytime soon. What are you going to do with your life? Did you attend college? If not, have you considered starting now?? You just seem very stuck and like you've resigned yourself to the way things are right now. Where do you want to be in a few years?? About the dating issue... I love the advice about going to a fun local bar (not a club, but a cool, casual bar. A local dive would probably be perfect -- check yelp for your city) and just chatting up EVERYBODY. Young, old, man, woman, sexy, weird... Just practice socializing and having fun on your own. I guarantee you that a guy who is in a bar just to have a good time and socialize will have an easier time attracting a girl than a guy who goes in there to try out the latest PUA techniques or whatever. Being unemployed & living with your parents will definitely make dating a little more difficult. But a lot of girls will overlook it IF you have a plan for turning your situation around. Being content to live at home & not have a job for the forseeable future is not going to be attractive to a girl. He's not content, and neither am I. I'm building as we speak, and 49322 does attend college and intends to sort out his home life. We are both 23 and have no experience at all with women. He is probably the one person on LS whose position almost completely resembles mine.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 fortynine, I don't know your backstory, but why are you unemployed and living at home but not motivated to do anything about it? I mean being unemployed isn't the end of the world, but you seem to have no plans to change that anytime soon. What are you going to do with your life? Did you attend college? If not, have you considered starting now?? You just seem very stuck and like you've resigned yourself to the way things are right now. Where do you want to be in a few years?? Well the career path I thought I was going to take is not going to work out. I won't go into details about it, but I have a BA in what probably looks like a worthless subject to most employers. I have good writing and research skills and a lot of interests but no hard skills (like engineering or computer programming or something of the like). My friend gave me a senior position in his media company but that's an unpaid position (for now, unless we make it big time). Otherwise, I quite my part time retail job about 10 months ago because I was tired of it. I was in it for almost a decade and I was spent. So basically, I've been to college but have no idea where I want to go in life. No real skills, and no job history aside from retail. I've tossed around the idea of law school but that's just more debt and probably more unemployment. Maybe go back and get another bachelor's I suppose. About the dating issue... I love the advice about going to a fun local bar (not a club, but a cool, casual bar. A local dive would probably be perfect -- check yelp for your city) and just chatting up EVERYBODY. Young, old, man, woman, sexy, weird... Just practice socializing and having fun on your own. I guarantee you that a guy who is in a bar just to have a good time and socialize will have an easier time attracting a girl than a guy who goes in there to try out the latest PUA techniques or whatever. Sounds like an interesting plan. Should I go with friends or solo? Being unemployed & living with your parents will definitely make dating a little more difficult. But a lot of girls will overlook it IF you have a plan for turning your situation around. Being content to live at home & not have a job for the forseeable future is not going to be attractive to a girl. That's basically what I figured.
FitChick Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I had a friend who always lamented he could never meet women and that women were not interested in him. Lonely, he joined a local book club and complained there were only middle-aged and elderly women there. Guess what? He charmed them because he wasn't self-conscious around them (not romantically interested in them) and one of them fixed him up with her niece. You never know...
make me believe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Sounds like an interesting plan. Should I go with friends or solo? I would say go alone, but if you're too uncomfortable with that (which would be understandable), go with ONE friend. And keep in mind what fitchick said about the guy who joined the book club... it's totally not unreasonable that something like that would happen if you're open to chatting with lots of different people. You never know who you'll meet through somebody else! It could be somebody's friend, daughter, coworker, whatever. Don't disregard people just because they specifically aren't what you're looking for.
make me believe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 He's not content, and neither am I. I'm building as we speak, and 49322 does attend college and intends to sort out his home life. We are both 23 and have no experience at all with women. He is probably the one person on LS whose position almost completely resembles mine. Wholigan, is that you in your avatar? Because if so, I can't imagine you'd have trouble attracting girls. Are you too shy to approach them, or....???
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 He's not content, and neither am I. I'm building as we speak, and 49322 does attend college and intends to sort out his home life. We are both 23 and have no experience at all with women. He is probably the one person on LS whose position almost completely resembles mine. I'd like to point out that I was just like you guys when I was that age. Or should I say, you guys are like I was. Be afraid, be very afraid.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 It is me, yes. I'm autistic and have had fluctuating confidence over the years as well as anxiety. Unfortunately my beautiful face hasn't helped me that much over the years . Soon to change though, I have done extremely well to get to the point I am at now so I don't see why I can't attract them in the near future, just need to do a bit of growing up.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 I'd like to point out that I was just like you guys when I was that age. Or should I say, you guys are like I was. Be afraid, be very afraid. Truth be told this actually is a fear of mine. No offense. I just prefer not to be you in 7 years.
norajane Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 About the dating issue... I love the advice about going to a fun local bar (not a club, but a cool, casual bar. A local dive would probably be perfect -- check yelp for your city) and just chatting up EVERYBODY. Young, old, man, woman, sexy, weird... Just practice socializing and having fun on your own. I guarantee you that a guy who is in a bar just to have a good time and socialize will have an easier time attracting a girl than a guy who goes in there to try out the latest PUA techniques or whatever. This is great advice. In my 20's, a group of us used to hang out in a neighborhood bar where one of our friends was part-time bartender for extra money. Over time, we got to know a lot of people who came in regularly - the ones who always liked to play pinball, the pool players, the nerf basketball game people, and the ones who came for the beer and peanuts. They become familiar faces over time, and somebody buys a round, and poof, you've met a bunch of new people. The Pour House. Good times.
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