tman666 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 If you're real concerned about having no sex drive you can see a doctor. You might have low testosterone levels. I agree that having some blood work done (including a free-testosterone measurement) might be a good idea. At 23, your passions for all things awesome (sex with hot college girls, throwing heavy objects, fast vehicles, rocking out with your c*ck out, being a bad motherf*cker, etc.) should be at an all-time high. However, for some reason, you're unable to unleash the beast. There are a lot of things that can cause this: stress, depression, sickness, low testosterone, etc. You need to start making a checklist of things that could be keeping you from fulfilling your potential, and then actively trying to seek and destroy those roadblocks. This Eeyore-eque, self-defeatist outlook that you seem to carry isn't going to cut it if you want to be happy in life. Make a checklist, figure it out. Don't roll over and just accept that your life has to be this way. It takes courage to admit your problems, but it takes balls to actively and relentless try to change your situation.
Dust Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I agree that having some blood work done (including a free-testosterone measurement) might be a good idea. At 23, your passions for all things awesome (sex with hot college girls, throwing heavy objects, fast vehicles, rocking out with your c*ck out, being a bad motherf*cker, etc.) should be at an all-time high. However, for some reason, you're unable to unleash the beast. There are a lot of things that can cause this: stress, depression, sickness, low testosterone, etc. You need to start making a checklist of things that could be keeping you from fulfilling your potential, and then actively trying to seek and destroy those roadblocks. This Eeyore-eque, self-defeatist outlook that you seem to carry isn't going to cut it if you want to be happy in life. Make a checklist, figure it out. Don't roll over and just accept that your life has to be this way. It takes courage to admit your problems, but it takes balls to actively and relentless try to change your situation. I can't really relate to the OP. He doesn't even want sex but just seems worried that should he change his outlook he will have closed some doors... Courage does seem to be lacking. No one says he needs a girl to be happy, but you do need excitement. Go after women is exciting in its own whether she agrees to be your girl or not.
Standard-Fare Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 To the OP I say: It's time to get yourself out there. Dating is uncomfortable, unnatural, and full of challenges. It's the rare person who actually enjoys the process of dating (the steps leading up to a real relationship). Most people agree with you that it's hard -- and that it's easier not to try. But you've gotta fight that natural resistance and experiment. Expect to have some disheartening, hilarious, and awkward moments but know that you will grow from them. I think you're at the right age to do it. If you keep up with this attitude of "it's too hard, why try?" you could very easily find yourself in the same position at 30+, and yes, I can promise you things will be harder then. And hey maybe after several experiments you will discover that the single life actually does suit you better, and that's what you prefer. But it's better for that to be your CHOICE, rather than a situation you find yourself forced into by your own passivity.
Red Arremer Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 An A-sexual person could watch porn so not being into porn is actually a good sign. The fact of the matter is you are horny or you wouldn't be here worrying about getting women... The trick to finding that motivation is to let yourself get really horny. I say avoid masturbation and if you have to do it only once on like a tuesday every two weeks... Get horny for the real thing not porn. Then unleash your awkward self upon women you find attractive. Be yourself, let that inner creep out... Hahaha oh god, I can see the restraining orders already. I've seen all too many of "this guy" on OLD sites and... it ain't pretty.
Cypress25 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 If you want to do research, AskMen is a good online resource: http://www.askmen.com/. It's not a PUA site, which means it's realistic and it's geared toward men who actually like women. As for your current state of apathy, I think you can ride it out without suffering any long-term damage. Sometimes you just don't feel like dating, it happens to everyone. If your friend wants to introduce you to a girl, go ahead and meet her, but don't put any pressure on yourself. Who knows, she might be awesome enough to shake you out of your apathy. If not, no biggie.
colliejoanie Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 So, are you not going out to bars or clubs? I think you should get your feet with with a make out session and a random girl. Honestly, it'll do wonders to bolster your confidence, and you'll want to do it again. Get out there and have some fun. Don't go out to get lucky....go out and have fun......and I'll bet when you're smiling and having conversation with friends, you'll be attractive to someone out there. She'll send you a vibe, and voila.... You seem to be taking things REALLY seriously, instead of having fun....not just with women, but with life in general.
Imajerk17 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Honestly OP? I was a late bloomer too. I went to a university where the male/female ratio was 67/33. And then graduate school that was more the same. I also was (and admittedly I suppose still am) inherently shy. I'm not tall. I had deficient social skills. BUT damned if I was going to stay that way. I "made" myself talk to people, especially girls I was attracted to. I also went to the gym and lifted weights to make the most of what I got physically. I also made it a point to dress well. Frankly, I get the struggle but I'm sick of hearing you and the other guys whine without doing a damn thing to help yourselves. What a turn off. Especially because you now have resources available that I never had back in the day. There are companies, for example, that will take you out for a weekend and teach you how to approach girls. There's OLD, where you can at least get "practice" of going out on dates. There are meetup groups. When you actually want to find SOLUTIONS and are actually willing to out the work in, let me know.
Imajerk17 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 So, are you not going out to bars or clubs? I think you should get your feet with with a make out session and a random girl. Honestly, it'll do wonders to bolster your confidence, and you'll want to do it again. Get out there and have some fun. Don't go out to get lucky....go out and have fun......and I'll bet when you're smiling and having conversation with friends, you'll be attractive to someone out there. She'll send you a vibe, and voila.... You seem to be taking things REALLY seriously, instead of having fun....not just with women, but with life in general. Great advice, CJ! Although I prefer grocery stores and bus stations. When I lived in California, I go to this store that has a salad bar and ask girls I think are cute to join me for lunch. I've had a few takers!
ChessPieceFace Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I have a friend that's in her 30s and never had sex or a long term relationship and she feels really bad about that now because she gets a lot of dates, but she's ashamed of telling people the truth about her inexperience because she knows that at her age, she should have some experiences at least, and not having them, leads to questions. Why can't she date equally inexperienced men, so they can be on the same level? (I think I know why...)
Elysian Powder Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 So the question is...whats wrong with her? split personality? possessive to the point of scariness? just plain wierd? what? unrealistic standards?...lol Brad Pitt hasn't shown up yet.
Red Arremer Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 So, are you not going out to bars or clubs? I think you should get your feet with with a make out session and a random girl. Honestly, it'll do wonders to bolster your confidence, and you'll want to do it again. Get out there and have some fun. Don't go out to get lucky....go out and have fun......and I'll bet when you're smiling and having conversation with friends, you'll be attractive to someone out there. She'll send you a vibe, and voila.... You seem to be taking things REALLY seriously, instead of having fun....not just with women, but with life in general. Can't speak for the OP naturally, but it's nowhere as easy to get random make out sessions at a bar as you are saying it is. Again, can't speak for the OP, but heading out to the clubs isn't a fun activity for everyone either. I would personally rather be punched in the nuts, myself, at least that way the pain will be over relatively quickly and I can get on with my evening. 1
Dust Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Can't speak for the OP naturally, but it's nowhere as easy to get random make out sessions at a bar as you are saying it is. Again, can't speak for the OP, but heading out to the clubs isn't a fun activity for everyone either. I would personally rather be punched in the nuts, myself, at least that way the pain will be over relatively quickly and I can get on with my evening. Random make out session is pretty easy to get if you try. Have you ever been punched in the nuts. It makes your entire body hurt. Makes you feel really sick to your stomach too. Are you this afraid of clubs? Personally I'd much rather meet girls other places but clubs arn't the nightmare to me that they seem to be fore you.
colliejoanie Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Can't speak for the OP naturally, but it's nowhere as easy to get random make out sessions at a bar as you are saying it is. Again, can't speak for the OP, but heading out to the clubs isn't a fun activity for everyone either. I would personally rather be punched in the nuts, myself, at least that way the pain will be over relatively quickly and I can get on with my evening. Haha! Point taken. I haven't stepped foot in a club in years.....but a fun bar is totally different. AND, a bar might not be someone else's comfort zone, but my point is to get out there and have a little fun. Laugh. Smile. The outcome will most likely be positive. Whether it be a random hook up, the promise of a date, or just a good time out with friends..... If you don't put yourself out there, you'll never even have the opportunity to become experienced.
Red Arremer Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Have you ever been punched in the nuts. It makes your entire body hurt. Makes you feel really sick to your stomach too. Are you this afraid of clubs? Basically. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I would rather be doing anything else, but if you present me with two options for spending a Friday night and one of them is going to a club, I'm going to pick the other option 100% of the time unless you've intentionally made the second option something terrible like getting a cavity filled or spending the night in prison or something.
thatone Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Haha! Point taken. I haven't stepped foot in a club in years.....but a fun bar is totally different. AND, a bar might not be someone else's comfort zone, but my point is to get out there and have a little fun. not only that, but for these guys it's practice. i've never had trouble approaching women or talking to women. well i shouldn't say never but not since my early 20s (i'm 35). when i go to a bar i go there to strike up conversation with whoever is next to me. it doesn't matter who it is, male, female, single, married, whatever. if these guys can't do that they're not going to be very fun for women to be around. my last three nights, it was the wife of the singer in the band, an old black guy in a jazz bar that happened to be a pretty well known local artist, the drummer from the jazz band in the same bar, and a 60 year old woman at my neighborhood bar last week. in fairness to me the 60 year old woman was talking to a younger woman and i was trying to ease myself in to talk to the younger one and then her date showed up. dammit. but the date and her hit a snag on religious differences about 30 minutes in (he's christian, she's not, and he got apprehensive about it) and she ducked out about an hour in to get away from him. but the game isn't over yet, since i am the conniving bastard i am i made friends with the sad christian guy to get on his facebook friends' list to find out who she was and get a means of contacting her. take no prisoners! even though i might wind up going to hell for that... but either way the point is going to a bar as colliejoanie mentioned is for the purpose of meeting people and having conversation with strangers. so yeah, do so. and don't go in there with 3 or 4 of your friends to hang on to. start going to bars by yourself. when i go out i send a few texts telling friends where i'm going and they can show up or not. if not (and honestly, usually not, since i can go out on weeknights and they have to get up earlier than me) i go alone and strike up conversation with whoever is there. that's how you do it, it isn't rocket science.
colliejoanie Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 not only that, but for these guys it's practice. i've never had trouble approaching women or talking to women. well i shouldn't say never but not since my early 20s (i'm 35). when i go to a bar i go there to strike up conversation with whoever is next to me. it doesn't matter who it is, male, female, single, married, whatever. if these guys can't do that they're not going to be very fun for women to be around. my last three nights, it was the wife of the singer in the band, an old black guy in a jazz bar that happened to be a pretty well known local artist, the drummer from the jazz band in the same bar, and a 60 year old woman at my neighborhood bar last week. in fairness to me the 60 year old woman was talking to a younger woman and i was trying to ease myself in to talk to the younger one and then her date showed up. dammit. but the date and her hit a snag on religious differences about 30 minutes in (he's christian, she's not, and he got apprehensive about it) and she ducked out about an hour in to get away from him. but the game isn't over yet, since i am the conniving bastard i am i made friends with the sad christian guy to get on his facebook friends' list to find out who she was and get a means of contacting her. take no prisoners! even though i might wind up going to hell for that... but either way the point is going to a bar as colliejoanie mentioned is for the purpose of meeting people and having conversation with strangers. so yeah, do so. and don't go in there with 3 or 4 of your friends to hang on to. start going to bars by yourself. when i go out i send a few texts telling friends where i'm going and they can show up or not. if not (and honestly, usually not, since i can go out on weeknights and they have to get up earlier than me) i go alone and strike up conversation with whoever is there. that's how you do it, it isn't rocket science. Fun! That to me, is fun. And that's what I do. I'm in a new town, and I don't get out but twice a month.....I don't know a lot of people, so I just head out by myself. I LOVE it. And I've met a lot of people....not people I'd date long term....but they sure as he.ll might know people I would . I'm a social person though....and maybe others aren't......I can't imagine not being social and still somehow expecting someone to land in your lap
thatone Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Fun! That to me, is fun. And that's what I do. I'm in a new town, and I don't get out but twice a month.....I don't know a lot of people, so I just head out by myself. I LOVE it. And I've met a lot of people....not people I'd date long term....but they sure as he.ll might know people I would . I'm a social person though....and maybe others aren't......I can't imagine not being social and still somehow expecting someone to land in your lap i'm sorry, we're not gonna work out, we're gonna have to see other people. i close my neighborhood bar on tuesdays, even . but if you have any borderline alcoholic female friends who also close their neighborhood bars on wednesdays let me know! i am too. i guess i just grew up that way. my dad was the type of person to invite the whole neighborhood over to eat and drink and play cards til the wee hours of the morning.
YaOldBuckaroo Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 This is sort of related to a thread I posted the other day (to which no one responded). I hung out with a friend yesterday and we were talking about girls, dating and such. He's a regular guy, not a player or anything like that. Average height (a little on the short side though), average build, average looks, etc. And hearing him talking I realized just how far behind I really am. I'm 23 and I've never even kissed a girl, here he was complaining about going 5 months without sex! But, the thing is for the past 6 weeks or so I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I don't know if it's because I've been distracted by other things, or because I've just genuinely become disinterested in dating, but the idea of going out, meeting some girl asking her out, flirting, etc. just doesn't interest me. I just don't feel like putting in the effort required to catch up to where I need to be. On the one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic about it. My inexperience no longer bothers me the way it did before. But on the other hand, I read posts from guys on here (I'm sure people know who they are) who are a little older than I am and aren't pleased by their inexperience and are struggling with it. I still think that I'll want to date someday in the future (whether that's sooner or later is unknown) and I can't help but feel like it will be harder to do that the longer I wait. Am I making sense? Does dating get harder the longer you wait to actually do it? Is there anything I can do about it? Hey man Yeah you make perfect sense. I have a buddy that's going through something similar. At least the fact that you're inexperienced isn't bothering you. Anyway, when you do decide to start dating again, I've found a helpful article that may help you out with the task. Here it is: http://www.scribd.com/doc/4654457/Attract-Women-With-4-Routines-From-Black-Belt-Seduction Max
Cypress25 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Fun! That to me, is fun. And that's what I do. I'm in a new town, and I don't get out but twice a month.....I don't know a lot of people, so I just head out by myself. I LOVE it. And I've met a lot of people....not people I'd date long term....but they sure as he.ll might know people I would . I'm a social person though....and maybe others aren't......I can't imagine not being social and still somehow expecting someone to land in your lap You must be an extrovert. That's wonderful, but it sounds like our OP is more of an introvert. That doesn't mean he's not social, it just means crowded bars and loud, overwhelming environments are probably not his thing. Introverts generally prefer a more relaxed, low-key atmosphere for socializing.
somedude81 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You must be an extrovert. That's wonderful, but it sounds like our OP is more of an introvert. That doesn't mean he's not social, it just means crowded bars and loud, overwhelming environments are probably not his thing. Introverts generally prefer a more relaxed, low-key atmosphere for socializing. Which makes things so much harder. Especially when I have to compete with guys who aren't introverts.
colliejoanie Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 i'm sorry, we're not gonna work out, we're gonna have to see other people. i close my neighborhood bar on tuesdays, even . but if you have any borderline alcoholic female friends who also close their neighborhood bars on wednesdays let me know! i am too. i guess i just grew up that way. my dad was the type of person to invite the whole neighborhood over to eat and drink and play cards til the wee hours of the morning. Haha! I'll keep my eye out for said woman..... Yes, I remember my parents having friends over nearly every weekend playing cards....and when I was married we did the exact same thing. I miss it . Also, as I said before, I'm not advocating a bar necessarily for the OP, as it very well could be uncomfortable for him. But just getting out there.....somewhere that women also frequent, and ideally, are having fun.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Reviving this thread as I now realize I'm feeling that "I need to date" itch again. Maybe it's the warmer weather, or the fact that more and more of my friends are settling down who knows. The problem is I can't date right now or any time in the near future. -I'm unemployed and essentially unemployable. Maybe I could get a minimum wage job I guess. -I live with my parents (and share a room with my brother). -I'm extremely nervous around attractive single women (which for me is the vast majority of women). I literally have no idea how to fix any of these issues. So I guess I'll just have to grow more and more frustrated every day, meanwhile things will get more and more difficult for me the longer I wait.
aj22one Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Dude, I'm sure others have said this to you before but here's the scoop: you're 24, and completely clueless with women. I say screw worrying about employment and all that jazz. If you don't start now, you will wake up and be 27 or 30 and in the very same boat you are today. And things will be even worse. Why wait?
Red Arremer Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Dude, I'm sure others have said this to you before but here's the scoop: you're 24, and completely clueless with women. I say screw worrying about employment and all that jazz. If you don't start now, you will wake up and be 27 or 30 and in the very same boat you are today. And things will be even worse. Why wait? This is absolutely true man, it's going to be exponentially easier to get started now than it will be when you're in your 30s. In addition to that though I'd also like to say that 24 isn't really that big of a deal. I literally went on my first real date at 25, and it actually went a lot better than you'd think. Granted my dating life kind of sucks right now, but that's because of unrelated issues. My point is you're nowhere near too old to get started.
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Dude, I'm sure others have said this to you before but here's the scoop: you're 24, and completely clueless with women. I say screw worrying about employment and all that jazz. If you don't start now, you will wake up and be 27 or 30 and in the very same boat you are today. And things will be even worse. Why wait? He's not employed, and lives with his parents at 23, as do I. If it's as difficult for me to date currently, he's experiencing the same problem.
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