fortyninethousand322 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 This is sort of related to a thread I posted the other day (to which no one responded). I hung out with a friend yesterday and we were talking about girls, dating and such. He's a regular guy, not a player or anything like that. Average height (a little on the short side though), average build, average looks, etc. And hearing him talking I realized just how far behind I really am. I'm 23 and I've never even kissed a girl, here he was complaining about going 5 months without sex! But, the thing is for the past 6 weeks or so I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I don't know if it's because I've been distracted by other things, or because I've just genuinely become disinterested in dating, but the idea of going out, meeting some girl asking her out, flirting, etc. just doesn't interest me. I just don't feel like putting in the effort required to catch up to where I need to be. On the one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic about it. My inexperience no longer bothers me the way it did before. But on the other hand, I read posts from guys on here (I'm sure people know who they are) who are a little older than I am and aren't pleased by their inexperience and are struggling with it. I still think that I'll want to date someday in the future (whether that's sooner or later is unknown) and I can't help but feel like it will be harder to do that the longer I wait. Am I making sense? Does dating get harder the longer you wait to actually do it? Is there anything I can do about it?
AHardDaysNight Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'd also like to hear the answers to this one.
TigerCub Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I think dating gets harder the older you get without having any experience because at a certain age you would be expected to have some experience and if you don't, that leads to questions. I have a friend that's in her 30s and never had sex or a long term relationship and she feels really bad about that now because she gets a lot of dates, but she's ashamed of telling people the truth about her inexperience because she knows that at her age, she should have some experiences at least, and not having them, leads to questions. So yeah, I do think that the older you get if you're completely inexperienced it will cause you problems because the person dating you will wonder why (at first at least).
norajane Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I think it would get harder on you, the longer you go without dating. It probably has already affected your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you aren't interested in dating, you'll be fine. But I wonder if it's already made you fearful of dating and rejection, and makes you feel like you're "not good enough" or "not as good as other guys". Just as important, I think it probably will make it harder for you when you do start dating someone because your expectations of dating and of women might not be based on experience and reality, but on expectations that you've formed all these years of not dating. That will make it more difficult to put things in perspective.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 I think it would get harder on you, the longer you go without dating. It probably has already affected your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you aren't interested in dating, you'll be fine. But I wonder if it's already made you fearful of dating and rejection, and makes you feel like you're "not good enough" or "not as good as other guys". Just as important, I think it probably will make it harder for you when you do start dating someone because your expectations of dating and of women might not be based on experience and reality, but on expectations that you've formed all these years of not dating. That will make it more difficult to put things in perspective. I'm not really afraid of rejection, I just sort of expect it and figure it's a waste of time to try anyway. Sort of like "well I'm going to get rejected anyway so why bother?" As far as not being interested in dating, that's just a recent development. I mean for the longest time I've been worried about my lack of dating experience. Recently I've just stopped caring about it and my desire to have a girlfriend (even my sex drive) has just dropped like a stone in the ocean. I honestly have no idea why. It's very weird to me. My friend was telling me again about this girl he thinks I should meet (a girl he's been telling me about for a while now) and I just couldn't really muster up any kind of desire to meet her. I have no idea though if this will always be the case. I mean I could wake up tomorrow and be interested again, I really don't know.
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'm not sure if it'll be harder, per say, but it will probably be more awkward. The more experience you have with flirting/dating/physical touching, the more confident you are when finding yourself in those situations... So if you don't have that experience, it won't necessarily mean that you'll suck or fail, but you might have to be much more willing to push yourself and learn.
eatNrM Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 You're not as 'far behind' most men as you think. Taking steps as the women have listed here, (flirting, asking her out, embracing the idea of rejection, etc.) alone shoot you up the ranks into the top 10% very quickly. Simply because most men are afraid to do so. I think it's too late the moment you say it's too late. Our futures can always be alternated the moment we're ready to do so.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Youre sort of like a disgruntled dater. Workers get disgruntled if they havent found work after a while, they just give up looking. Sounds like youve done this. But its probably because you have no idea what to do to get what you want. Youve been on LS long enough, sure ly you have some idea how to attract a woman. have you done any research on this, or are you one of those guys that is afraid of change?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Youre sort of like a disgruntled dater. Workers get disgruntled if they havent found work after a while, they just give up looking. Sounds like youve done this. But its probably because you have no idea what to do to get what you want. Perhaps. But I would have thought if that was the case I would have gotten to this point months/years ago. Nothing particularly special has happened to make me any more disgruntled than usual. I mean if I have psychologically "checked out", why now? Youve been on LS long enough, surely you have some idea how to attract a woman. have you done any research on this, or are you one of those guys that is afraid of change? Some idea? Sure. Something about sexual tension, being in shape, reasonably good looking (i.e. not the elephant man), make her laugh, etc. Have I done research? No. I wasn't really aware there was "research" available, aside form the PUA stuff that's out there. I guess I don't really know how the whole dating process goes.
StoneCold Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I have a friend that's in her 30s and never had sex or a long term relationship and she feels really bad about that now because she gets a lot of dates, but she's ashamed of telling people the truth about her inexperience because she knows that at her age, she should have some experiences at least, and not having them, leads to questions. . So the question is...whats wrong with her? split personality? possessive to the point of scariness? just plain wierd? what? unrealistic standards?...lol
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Perhaps. But I would have thought if that was the case I would have gotten to this point months/years ago. Nothing particularly special has happened to make me any more disgruntled than usual. I mean if I have psychologically "checked out", why now? Some idea? Sure. Something about sexual tension, being in shape, reasonably good looking (i.e. not the elephant man), make her laugh, etc. Have I done research? No. I wasn't really aware there was "research" available, aside form the PUA stuff that's out there. I guess I don't really know how the whole dating process goes. Im sure your checking out has happened in waves, youre just in low tide right now. You'll be in high tide again when you see a woman that really sparks up your interest. You really should look up the PUA techniques. Its not just for men to get laid, its for men to learn how to avoid turning women off when they talk. It helps you learn body language and all the psychology that goes with dealing with women. Youd be amazed when you compare your experience with what this stuff says, and you immediatly see where you went wrong in the past. Its great stuff especially when you want a relationship, because you take from it all of the pickup stuff you need, but you use it for a woman you really would like to date. It really works in your favor. What you might want to check out at first is how to make the initial contact. When you first talk to women on the street or at a party, the first impression is always important, and the stuf shows you how to avoid looking hungry and needy, then when you learn everything you actually arent hungry and needy anymore. Its enlightening stuff.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 From my experience, most women don't wise up and become mature enough to date a guy like you until their early 30's. Before then, they're too immature to date the mature guys. You'll have a lot of catching up to do. Me too, but I'm not going to worry about it.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Im sure your checking out has happened in waves, youre just in low tide right now. You'll be in high tide again when you see a woman that really sparks up your interest. You really should look up the PUA techniques. Its not just for men to get laid, its for men to learn how to avoid turning women off when they talk. It helps you learn body language and all the psychology that goes with dealing with women. Youd be amazed when you compare your experience with what this stuff says, and you immediatly see where you went wrong in the past. Its great stuff especially when you want a relationship, because you take from it all of the pickup stuff you need, but you use it for a woman you really would like to date. It really works in your favor. What you might want to check out at first is how to make the initial contact. When you first talk to women on the street or at a party, the first impression is always important, and the stuf shows you how to avoid looking hungry and needy, then when you learn everything you actually arent hungry and needy anymore. Its enlightening stuff. I see. I guess the whole "it'll happen when you least expect it/aren't looking" thing doesn't apply here. Interesting. Anyone else have any thoughts?
Queen Zenobia Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 OP, I have to wonder if maybe being that "lovable loser" type has become part of who you are and how you see yourself. Really there's no reason for you not to be out there dating and having fun. Maybe you have a mental block keeping you from success?
AHardDaysNight Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Loveable loser? Hmm...never heard it described that way. Are you really a loser if people love you? I'd say you're a winner.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I see. I guess the whole "it'll happen when you least expect it/aren't looking" thing doesn't apply here. Interesting. Anyone else have any thoughts? Oh it does apply, but you have to know what to do when it happens. You can also make it happen. Either way, you want to be prepared.
Red Arremer Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Are you really a loser if people love you? I'd say you're a winner. Yes, you can be. See: the Chicago Cubs And before you say anything, I'm a Cubs fan. I'm just realistic.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Yes, you can be. See: the Chicago Cubs And before you say anything, I'm a Cubs fan. I'm just realistic. That's how I feel about my Orioles.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 OP, I have to wonder if maybe being that "lovable loser" type has become part of who you are and how you see yourself. Really there's no reason for you not to be out there dating and having fun. Maybe you have a mental block keeping you from success? No, I think I'm just tired of complaining, repeating the same old "why don't women like me?" whiny stuff. But, at the same time I also recognize that I'm way too lazy to make any of the changes that I need to. As long as I continue to remain disinterested, things will work out: I'll be fine, and the women of the world will have one less poor match to worry about. Works out perfectly I think.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 Not to revive an old thread, but I'm back to feeling like this again. The last 2-3 weeks I've been completely disinterested in women/dating. I've stopped logging in to my online dating profiles (2 women had been messaging me, but I just stopped caring so I stopped responding). I tried to watch porn but I got bored and turned it off. It's like I've become completely asexual. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I've been hoping this would happen for a while. But, it's still weird and I'd thought I'd share an update with everyone.
Dust Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not to revive an old thread, but I'm back to feeling like this again. The last 2-3 weeks I've been completely disinterested in women/dating. I've stopped logging in to my online dating profiles (2 women had been messaging me, but I just stopped caring so I stopped responding). I tried to watch porn but I got bored and turned it off. It's like I've become completely asexual. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I've been hoping this would happen for a while. But, it's still weird and I'd thought I'd share an update with everyone. An A-sexual person could watch porn so not being into porn is actually a good sign. The fact of the matter is you are horny or you wouldn't be here worrying about getting women... The trick to finding that motivation is to let yourself get really horny. I say avoid masturbation and if you have to do it only once on like a tuesday every two weeks... Get horny for the real thing not porn. Then unleash your awkward self upon women you find attractive. Be yourself, let that inner creep out...
iris219 Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 Not to revive an old thread, but I'm back to feeling like this again. The last 2-3 weeks I've been completely disinterested in women/dating. I've stopped logging in to my online dating profiles (2 women had been messaging me, but I just stopped caring so I stopped responding). I tried to watch porn but I got bored and turned it off. It's like I've become completely asexual. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I've been hoping this would happen for a while. But, it's still weird and I'd thought I'd share an update with everyone. This might be a good place to be. Take a break from thinking about dating. Focus on starting your career (you just graduated from college, right)? You put a lot of pressure on yourself, which isn't productive. Just live your life without thinking about women for awhile. In answer to the original question, yes dating gets harder as you get older because there are simply less single people. However, it is easier for men, as they get older, to find a woman eager to settle down (this could be viewed as a pro or con, I guess).
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Posted December 19, 2011 An A-sexual person could watch porn so not being into porn is actually a good sign. The fact of the matter is you are horny or you wouldn't be here worrying about getting women... The trick to finding that motivation is to let yourself get really horny. I say avoid masturbation and if you have to do it only once on like a tuesday every two weeks... Get horny for the real thing not porn. Then unleash your awkward self upon women you find attractive. Be yourself, let that inner creep out... I'm not worried about getting women at the moment. I started this thread because I was worried that I would start becoming interested in dating again, but that I would procrastinate so long that it would be too late. I'm honestly just not interested in anything right now. I'd rather watch a football game or do something else than deal with women right now. As for masturbation, I haven't done that since I found that French science pamphlet about masturbation causing death (about two months ago I think). I believe I'm much healthier abstaining.
TheFinalWord Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 This is sort of related to a thread I posted the other day (to which no one responded). I hung out with a friend yesterday and we were talking about girls, dating and such. He's a regular guy, not a player or anything like that. Average height (a little on the short side though), average build, average looks, etc. And hearing him talking I realized just how far behind I really am. I'm 23 and I've never even kissed a girl, here he was complaining about going 5 months without sex! But, the thing is for the past 6 weeks or so I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I don't know if it's because I've been distracted by other things, or because I've just genuinely become disinterested in dating, but the idea of going out, meeting some girl asking her out, flirting, etc. just doesn't interest me. I just don't feel like putting in the effort required to catch up to where I need to be. On the one hand, I'm absolutely ecstatic about it. My inexperience no longer bothers me the way it did before. But on the other hand, I read posts from guys on here (I'm sure people know who they are) who are a little older than I am and aren't pleased by their inexperience and are struggling with it. I still think that I'll want to date someday in the future (whether that's sooner or later is unknown) and I can't help but feel like it will be harder to do that the longer I wait. Am I making sense? Does dating get harder the longer you wait to actually do it? Is there anything I can do about it? There are pros and cons to waiting. The pros are that if you are a little older you will have a more solid vision for what you want out of life. That will make it easier to determine if a potential g/f is a good fit for you. The main con is that you won't know how to "read" women (not that any of us can figure it out completely ) But people can tell you this and that about how to understand women and their signals but until you experience if for yourself it doesn't really click. So when you do become interested in dating you'll have to go through that process. If you're real concerned about having no sex drive you can see a doctor. You might have low testosterone levels.
jobaba Posted December 19, 2011 Posted December 19, 2011 I'm 23 and I've never even kissed a girl, here he was complaining about going 5 months without sex! Am I making sense? Does dating get harder the longer you wait to actually do it? Is there anything I can do about it? I'm not worried about getting women at the moment. Yes. The older you get, the harder it gets. Ten years could go by in a flash and if you are a relatively antisocial geeky type of guy, you could be a 33 year old man who has never kissed a woman. I have two friends in their mid 30s who spent their 20s and early 30s this way, just kind of not being that social, and taking a feeble stab and meeting women every here and there, just kind of hoping they'd meet one naturally over the course of daily life interactions. They are both probably virgins and have definitely never been in a relationship. And they are not socially incompetent or smelly or anything. Just too passive for their god given looks. I've seen posts on other sites from older virgins (40 and up) and sometimes when they reach that age they just REALLY give up. Get used to their antisocial routines and just forget about the thought of sex and having a girlfriend.
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