martinv Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I can't get over her still she was my first love, and it has been about a month since we split. We met during university and were long distance afterwards as neither of us could get a job straight after. every week i'd work and look forward to seeing her to get me through i have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach all the time, the weekend comes when I used to see her and nothing, just alone. I srsly messed up with this one, I got into a rut with he long distance thing and got depressed, we became quite distant or arguey even when we were seeing each other? and I could have fixed it by getting a job there and moving to where she was. But I didn't. she was perfect but I regret that I undermined it by not acting as if she was all the time. just before we broke up she said things like she wanted to be more touchy feely and changed her mind and then changed it back. I was messed up. I have some abandonment issues, I'd dream she was leaving me quite a lot. It was also another issue in why I didn't move, because my little sister reminded me of when I was a kid and I felt like I was the only one there and I would be abandoning her. years of talking to each other every day, and now nothing, its so hard, she said she wanted to be best freinds at first, that we'd get tattoos; then, downgraded to that we'd see each other at least once a month. we went out once as freinds the day after we broke up, but I messed up and started blubbing at night time and walked out, so I think everythings gone I know I should move on, but I don't know how, I feel like she was some sort of soulmate and I really dropped the ball and took her for granted. Dont move yet, wait until shes finished that course and we can get something somewhere nice. as if I had all the time in the world. She had problems too, like there's things she was holding on to that she didn't say about until we broke up, but I feel like how did I make her feel like she couldn't talk to me about it? the constant dread and like I've ruined this amazing thing is something I can't shake we used to be like peas in a pod, same humour, like the same things, we got lost in each other, so much fun and no one else was needed at all I suppose I did lose myself and she lost herself and resentment built because we weren't that good at communicating our feelings or being affectionate when needed. there was still good times, but more and more bad times. I cant' accept it though because I think back on the good times, and how I'd act, I'd not reply straight away and things liek that because I didn't want to act too keen, but it carreid on into the relationship which is dumb and maybe made her think I didnt care enough? when I did show it, she'd checked out and it was too late and it jsut seemed creepy or clingy.. I don't know, I'm thinking it over a lot I hope I can learn from it and meet someone else, god knows I never thought I'd meet someone like her, but at the same time miracles don't happen more than once and I think I shot myself in the foot for not appreciating or recognising or knowing how to show love when it was there in my face I keep wishing I hadn't met her yet but someone else, and I had met her after I'd got more experienced
Dark Phoenix Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It's only been a month and your thoughts are completely normal. Give it some time and focus on YOU. After a while you will start looking back on your relationship and realize that it wasn't all that you think it was, you'll probably even be grateful that it's over. I'm 6 months out of my breakup and I feel great... sure I sometimes stumble and get lost in thoughts about her but 90% of the pain is gone. That 10% I rarely feel and when I do it is very easy to cope with. Cut all lines of communication with her immediately if you haven't already. Having no contact with her will speed up your healing, whereas being in contact with her will hurt you more while helping her heal.
barriob Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 agree, what if its hard to not text them? i always give in..
Dark Phoenix Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 agree, what if its hard to not text them? i always give in.. Every time you break NC and give in to that urge to text him you stand more of a chance of pushing him away. Most, if not all, LSers will probably disagree with me on this but use that false hope you have of him coming back as motivation for you to stay in NC. I used the same motives and to my surprise, after a while I no longer wanted my ex back... I then started using NC for me as opposed to using it solely for getting her to come back. You text him = pushing him away you stay silent = you don't push him away choose wisely
barriob Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 true. well i text him and then he doesnt respond. but he texts me a couple days later. why?
Dark Phoenix Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 true. well i text him and then he doesnt respond. but he texts me a couple days later. why? He's keeping you as an option in case whatever he is doing now doesn't work out. I suspect that if you go NC he will contact you, in that case you will need to find the strength to ignore him. By ignoring him you stand a chance of him bringing up the possibility of reconciling (notice I said you stand a chance) or he will stop contact with you indefinitely... in either case you will be on your way to healing so either outcome would not matter.
mike111 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I know I should move on, but I don't know how, In time, you will move on. And that's all it really takes is time. But how you manage your time is also important. Keep trying to do the positive things you did normally. Be sure to eat, sleep, exercise, work, play........ It really does get better. But again, it takes some time. I am speaking from my own experience of a relationship breakup of 10 years ago i thought I would never get over, where I literally lost EVERYTHING, including my mind. But I got it back, and other things. Now...........hmmmmmmmm......something else came up But I'll get over that too
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