blindsided1111 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I have been dating this girl i really like, we have been on a couple of dates so far and had gone really well. She told me she was getting over her last relationship and still got upset about it often. We txt and call then one night we arranged to meet and she didnt reply to my texts or calls, Then early the next morning she txt me saying shes really sorry and that she wants to be friends and cant offer anything else atm because she feels bad... Im a bit confused an dont know what to think. Please help.
Author blindsided1111 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for your reply, We still talk and txt but she doesnt not as often. Should i send flowers?
Pasttense Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I don't see what good flowers would do. The problem sounds like it is because "she was getting over her last relationship and still got upset about it often". You might keep it touch, help her out, suggest a date in a couple weeks--but date other women.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 It just sounds like she just wants to be friends. Sorry, man.
TheSingleGuy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Sending flowers will only kill off any and all remaining attraction. Never do that. On these dates that you went on with her, what happened? Did you make out with her? Sleep with her? Shake her hand at the end? Need way more details to figure out WHY she friend-zoned you. You might not be able get out of the friend-zone on this one, but if you can figure out how you blew it, that can help. Just knowing why a girl blew me off is everything. It's when I can't figure out why she's blowing me off, that's what drives me nuts.
bluenightowl Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for your reply, We still talk and txt but she doesnt not as often. Should i send flowers? As others have said, DO NOT send flowers. She just rejected you. Don't reward her for it. It will definitely lessen her attraction to you. She's not over her ex and/or she's dating another guy. Whatever it is, you shouldn't be dating a women who can't give you her full attention. That's bad form on her, and you need to wake up and drop her as well. Perhaps in 6 months you can try again if she contacts you. The best thing you can do is disappear. Don't keep in contact with her as her buddy.
AH1990 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Had the same problem before (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t296520/) I definitely did NOT want to be her friend. I just flat out told her and left it at that. She got pissed at me and that was that. Low and behold, 3 weeks later (this past Friday), she tells me she wants me to text her when I'm free. My advice to you is just give it time. She obviously likes you but has stuff going on with her ex still. That was the case with the girl I dealt with. She got back together with her ex. The only reason why she might want to keep you around is because if it fails with her ex, she has you. So either way she doesn't need to worry. Let me tell you this, when I told her I didn't want to be friends, she flipped, she tried soooooo hard to make me stay. Saying how much she liked me and this and that. Your better off not being her friend! Don't put your life on hold for NOBODY!!!!!
bluenightowl Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Had the same problem before (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t296520/) I definitely did NOT want to be her friend. I just flat out told her and left it at that. She got pissed at me and that was that. Low and behold, 3 weeks later (this past Friday), she tells me she wants me to text her when I'm free. My advice to you is just give it time. She obviously likes you but has stuff going on with her ex still. That was the case with the girl I dealt with. She got back together with her ex. The only reason why she might want to keep you around is because if it fails with her ex, she has you. So either way she doesn't need to worry. Let me tell you this, when I told her I didn't want to be friends, she flipped, she tried soooooo hard to make me stay. Saying how much she liked me and this and that. Your better off not being her friend! Don't put your life on hold for NOBODY!!!!! +1 great post
radiodarcy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 please don't send her flowers. i agree with what previous posters said and am thinking she still has feelings for an ex. i recently had to break things off with a guy i really liked because even though he wouldn't admit it -- he still had very strong feelings for his gf. it wasn't an easy thing for me to do because i really liked him. but it saved myself from a world of pain in cutting things off when i did. there's not much you can do about it but leave her alone to work things out for herself.
AH1990 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Break all form of contact with her. Wish her well. And tell her your not looking for friends. Let her know you mean business. I would even bet that after about 2 weeks to a month of not talking to her or seeing her, she'll ring you up or send you a message.
Author blindsided1111 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for your replys. The dates we on went seemed to go great, we kissed and hugged on the second date but that was all. We live about 6 hours apart as I work away and only saw her every 3 weeks, but she said she didnt mind that. Maybe i should ask if sge still has feelings for her x....
Star Gazer Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Maybe i should ask if sge still has feelings for her x.... NO, don't do that. She's pretty much told you that's the case already.
Paper Roses Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Listen to me, young man. She is NOT into you, maybe she was, but she is not now. I'm not trying to be mean. DO NOT send flowers and ask her uncomfortable questions about her feelings for her ex. Your best move right now is to IGNORE her. I mean, doesn't everybody go for days or weeks without calling their friends? Doesn't mean they aren't your friend, just means you are doing other stuff. Don't be at her beck and call and maybe, maybe she might stop seeing you as a doormat she can walk all over and start seeing you as the guy she liked kissing goodnight. maybe. Let her get in touch with you and if she doesn't, what have you lost? Do you honestly want to be her buddy and listen to her talk about her boyfriends or double date with her? No, I bet you don't. Good luck, friend.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for your replys. The dates we on went seemed to go great, we kissed and hugged on the second date but that was all. We live about 6 hours apart as I work away and only saw her every 3 weeks, but she said she didnt mind that. Maybe i should ask if sge still has feelings for her x.... She tried dating you to forget about her ex. You get that? She USED you to get over her ex, and you didnt work. Thats why she had to stop dating you. She looked at you and couldnt get her mind off of her ex. She is now looking for someone else to take her mind off her ex. You dont want to be friends with that.
AH1990 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It does seem kinda odd how she can go from everything to nothing in less than a day. I'd bet my life savings that she got back in touch with her ex ( and I got a pretty hefty life savings ) Like I said before, your best bet is to do nothing. I wouldn't ask her if she still has feelings for her ex. Definitely don't do that!!!!! If she does want to hang out with you again or the conversation about you two comes up, just tell her that you don't want to be her friend. You don't want to be her 'fun buddy', you don't want to be a doormat. Check out my thread, I went through the same thing you did, and you can see how I dealt with it and what I said to her.
bluenightowl Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Thanks for your replys. The dates we on went seemed to go great, we kissed and hugged on the second date but that was all. We live about 6 hours apart as I work away and only saw her every 3 weeks, but she said she didnt mind that. Maybe i should ask if sge still has feelings for her x.... No need to ask about her X. She's told you already. Go NC if you want her respect. Although it might feel strange right now to not contact her, in the big picture, you need to be doing things for yourself and that's the only part that will make you attractive in her eyes. No contacting her sends that message. Overall, you're better off not getting involved with her right now. Think about how messed up you feel right now, that's all she can give you... hot/cold/confusion.
bluenightowl Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 This is pretty important. OP, don't feel by any stretch of the imagination that this girl is worth your time if she's using you in between relationships as a rebound, it's abusive (of your emotions) and unfair (as a friendship). The quicker you come to terms with her actions the quicker you'll be able to come to terms with your own and act accordingly. Exactly and clearly you're a guy wanting a healthy relationship. Some guys can handle this, but only because they just want sex, and a relationship is the last thing they want or its there way to avoid getting hurt. Unfortunately there are lots and lots of women who assume men only want sex.
AH1990 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Well, the girl came back for me. Just last night. Her: Hi I let the message go for about 45min. Just spent over $1500 on new TV/Home Theater system Watching Back to the Future :D This is how the convo went: Me: Hey Her: Whats up? Me: Nothin much. You? Her: Just got home f**kin gotta work at 5:30 tomo morn! should be sleepin lol Me: That sucks. Go to bed then Her: Yeah I will I really could care less if she's interested or not. Through wasting my time with someone who just keeps flaking on me and is all over the place. If I like a girl, I give it my all. I expect her to at least attempt to match my efforts too. Doesn't seem like this girl is even bothering. Note to the OP: Go NC. Only positive things come from NC. She can text you = positive. Or, she won't text you = positive
bluenightowl Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Well, the girl came back for me. Just last night. Her: Hi I let the message go for about 45min. Just spent over $1500 on new TV/Home Theater system Watching Back to the Future :D This is how the convo went: Me: Hey Her: Whats up? Me: Nothin much. You? Her: Just got home f**kin gotta work at 5:30 tomo morn! should be sleepin lol Me: That sucks. Go to bed then Her: Yeah I will I really could care less if she's interested or not. Through wasting my time with someone who just keeps flaking on me and is all over the place. If I like a girl, I give it my all. I expect her to at least attempt to match my efforts too. Doesn't seem like this girl is even bothering. Note to the OP: Go NC. Only positive things come from NC. She can text you = positive. Or, she won't text you = positive good post +1
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