greenfin3 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I've known my neighbor for a few months now. Initially I just saw him as an acquaintance but in this last month we've run into each other a lot and it feels (or at least I thought) like we've grown a connection. He always made the extra effort to stay and talk to me regardless of who was around and, as my friend put it, it just seemed like he "looked" at me differently. He even asked me to go to a comedy show, but he never made a move throughout the entire night. Last Wednesday we ran into each other and he seemed particularly quiet. I tried not to think much of it, but an hour later he texted me and apologized for being "off", saying that he was sick and that we should grab a drink later in the week. Friday night we ran into each other again and had a long talk and chatted for a while...during which he mentioned that he was leaving on sunday for week to go to the midwest...he definitely still seemed sick but failed to mention "that drink" that he offered earlier in the week. After we parted ways, he texted me a few minutes later, saying that that his dog went straight to his window to look for me and my pup. The next day I gathered up the courage to invite him to grab "that drink" with me and a group of people who were going to watch a football game at a local bar. So how does he respond? That he'll have to take a rain check because he is going to dinner with friends and (I quote)..."my bad for this week" Totally blew me off, after HE was the one to invite me out and send those cute texts. Why would someone do this? It seems a little cruel
speciallyforyou Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 uhm.... he has dinner with his friends? how's that cruel?
Author greenfin3 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Because he offered to go out sometime this week, and then never made the time. It just seems half assed, you know? I guess I'm stuck in between being 'too sensitive' and having standards.
UpDownAllAround Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 My guess is he doesn't want to appear too "desperate" or "needy" in the beginning, so he's going out with his friends to not appear that way. That's my take at least.
Emilia Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 It doesn't matter why. A man who keeps chatting with you and maintain regular contact without setting up a drink date isn't worth pursuing in my opinion
Author greenfin3 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Thank you everyone for your input. If his style is not to act "too forward" like UpDownAllAround says, then I guess I get that. Otherwise it is a bit hurtful. Sticking around and talking for 45 minutes to an hour, sending texts that could have deeper meaning, suggesting drinks when he gets better....but in the end no real follow through. This logic does not work here on Venus
Pierre Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 It doesn't matter why. A man who keeps chatting with you and maintain regular contact without setting up a drink date isn't worth pursuing in my opinion The guy is interested. Some men move slowly and then the anxious woman closes the window of opportunity and moves on to whomever is there paying attention to her. Not all men are as aggressive as you expect. The OP seems way too desperate. Maybe this turned the guy off.
Author greenfin3 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 The guy is interested. Some men move slowly and then the anxious woman closes the window of opportunity and moves on to whomever is there paying attention to her. Not all men are as aggressive as you expect. The OP seems way too desperate. Maybe this turned the guy off. The "OP" - is that me? Ouch. I've actually been quite patient and easygoing up until a few days ago. After a month of all this it makes me wonder if he's truly interested or just having fun playing flirtatious. I don't think my frustration makes me desperate at all.
Author greenfin3 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 After some thought, I'm beginning to wonder if I inadvertently played a part in this whole slow moving ordeal. I'm not super high-maintenance...I actually think my expectations are like most other girls. That being said, I've been told that I come across in person as being very "low maintenance". This is probably because I grew up in a household of brothers. It's frustrating that I unintentionally portray myself like that because it's not reflective of the level of input that I want from someone, and it might be one of the reasons that I find myself in the situation I am in now. Not sure if this is all making much sense...Does anyone else have this problem?
Pierre Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 After some thought, I'm beginning to wonder if I inadvertently played a part in this whole slow moving ordeal. I'm not super high-maintenance...I actually think my expectations are like most other girls. That being said, I've been told that I come across in person as being very "low maintenance". This is probably because I grew up in a household of brothers. It's frustrating that I unintentionally portray myself like that because it's not reflective of the level of input that I want from someone, and it might be one of the reasons that I find myself in the situation I am in now. Not sure if this is all making much sense...Does anyone else have this problem? Your impression is wrong. High maintenance repels. Low maintenance is attractive. Be yourself and have no expectations. People that have high expectations set themselves up for disappointment.
Author greenfin3 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I don't think having some type of 'maintenance' factor is a bad thing - in fact I think it's an important element for any type of relationship. The effort you put into something reflects what you get out of it...at least that's my perspective.
Pierre Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 (edited) I don't think having some type of 'maintenance' factor is a bad thing - in fact I think it's an important element for any type of relationship. The effort you put into something reflects what you get out of it...at least that's my perspective. When you say that high maintenance is good you set yourself up to be unhappy and disappointed. Being high maintenance and having high expectations is basically the same thing. High maintenance means you need external validation. No one can make you happy like that. Edited October 4, 2011 by Pierre
Author greenfin3 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I don't think high maintenance is a good thing either. But I don't think little to no maintenance is the goal either. I think the key is just having realistic expectations of those around you. Now, what is "realistic" is obviously somewhat subjective.
The Outlaw Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 He could have just forgotten about it, or these could have been some old friends that just dropped in that he hasn't seen in awhile. Try making plans with him again and see what happens. Good luck
Eddie Edirol Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I've known my neighbor for a few months now. Initially I just saw him as an acquaintance but in this last month we've run into each other a lot and it feels (or at least I thought) like we've grown a connection. He always made the extra effort to stay and talk to me regardless of who was around and, as my friend put it, it just seemed like he "looked" at me differently. He even asked me to go to a comedy show, but he never made a move throughout the entire night. Last Wednesday we ran into each other and he seemed particularly quiet. I tried not to think much of it, but an hour later he texted me and apologized for being "off", saying that he was sick and that we should grab a drink later in the week. Friday night we ran into each other again and had a long talk and chatted for a while...during which he mentioned that he was leaving on sunday for week to go to the midwest...he definitely still seemed sick but failed to mention "that drink" that he offered earlier in the week. After we parted ways, he texted me a few minutes later, saying that that his dog went straight to his window to look for me and my pup. The next day I gathered up the courage to invite him to grab "that drink" with me and a group of people who were going to watch a football game at a local bar. So how does he respond? That he'll have to take a rain check because he is going to dinner with friends and (I quote)..."my bad for this week" Totally blew me off, after HE was the one to invite me out and send those cute texts. Why would someone do this? It seems a little cruel Sorry to break this to you, but you didnt make plans with him, he made plans with his friends. You offered to get that drink for him right then, you dont take precidence over his friends that he already made plans with. Now if you actually made a date with him days before and he flaked, that might be close to cruel. But youre not supposed to get your expectations up that high for someone you dont know well yet.
Recommended Posts