Sonictrance Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 So yesterday when my girlfriend of almost 4 years and I woke up, she was acting very weird. After talking for a while, she said she though we should break up, but wasn't sure. She finally said that it was a stupid idea and we went on with our day and went out to lunch. We talked some more during lunch and everything seemed to be going ok. When we finished lunch, she started questioning us again. She said she didn't want to talk about it in the car, but I couldn't handle driving half an hour home to find out what was going to happen. We pulled over at an empty park and just sat in the car and talked. She kept saying she didn't know what she wanted, but she had been feeling confused about us for the past few days. By the time we were done talking we were broken up. She seemed as though she didn't really want to break up, but she said that she thought it would be best if we did. The entire drive home we just held each other's hand and talked about what we were going to do now that we weren't together anymore. When i got home, neither of us wanted to get out of the car, thus finalizing our break up. I finally got out of the car and went to her side so we could talk better. After another 30 minutes or so of talking, she said that it was a stupid decision, and that she didn't want to let me go. Today, when we spent the day together, she acted as though nothing happened yesterday. She seemed as happy as she was when we first started dating. I asked her what she thought of us and she said that she just wanted to forget what happened yesterday. I have no idea what she really thinks, and now im just worried that she will feel this same way again without any warning. I love her very much and she loves me. Do you think that this is something that is just going to resurface with her? Or do you think she really just made a mistake, as she says. I don't know how to talk to her about the whole thing either, because she just feels embarrassed by it. Is there hope, or will it never be the same?...
wilsonx Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 This is actually emotional manipulation. You can't be off and on in a relationship like that. Look how you feel now. If you are in a relationship with her at this very moment, it has now become toxic. For the rest of this relationship, you are going to be walking on eggshells to prevent any bad from happening. Take a look at yourself right now, you are questioning if its ever going to be the same. YOU NEED TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION with her. To her face and make sure she maintains eye contact. YOU NEED TO ASK HER WHY SHE FEELS THIS WAY. Communication right now is of the utmost importance. Is she the kind of person that does not like confrontation?
Author Sonictrance Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 This is actually emotional manipulation. You can't be off and on in a relationship like that. Look how you feel now. If you are in a relationship with her at this very moment, it has now become toxic. For the rest of this relationship, you are going to be walking on eggshells to prevent any bad from happening. Take a look at yourself right now, you are questioning if its ever going to be the same. YOU NEED TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION with her. To her face and make sure she maintains eye contact. YOU NEED TO ASK HER WHY SHE FEELS THIS WAY. Communication right now is of the utmost importance. Is she the kind of person that does not like confrontation? She is usually fine about talking. When i would try to talk to her yesterday and today, she just kept telling me not to worry about it. I honestly don't know how she can expect me not to worry about it though.
samphs Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I did that once, its insecurity rearing its ugly head. I did the exact same thing which ended up with my ex breaking up with me instead, she probably needs reassurance that you love her. The other possibility is that she is interested in someone else (I hate to say).
silly_panda Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I went through a few small break ups before the final one too... It's kinda like your case... She broke it off a few times and then she said she don't wanna let me go... Few things maybe happening now... Maybe she is already slowly detaching herself man... Just that she don't have the courage to do it yet... Anything that could trigger that (arguement, a new guy) will spell disaster... Or maybe like samphs said... She wanted reassurance... Nothing else you could really do other than talking to her like what wilsonx said... Good luck man...
lymtal1 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 st, i have been in your shoes so need so more info about you two. how old are you guys? you stated that you have been together for 4 years so also wondering how committed you were and what were her expectations for the relationship as you may have known. could be several things. she could be wondering what it's like to be with others (gigs). wondering why you have not taken it to the next level, whatever that may be given the situation (marriage). agree with wilson in that you need to get crystal clear on what the heck she is feeling. and not just the words that are coming out of her mouth as she may not want to hurt you so she may be afraid to say what is really going on. you need to tell her that it is very important that she be very honest with you as to why she approached this the other day. even if she believes it will hurt you, you need to know. she sounds like she loves you so make her be real with you right now. give us some more details if you are ok with that.
Author Sonictrance Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Hey, sorry I never replied. So... since that day everything has been going great. It seemed like our relationship was back on track. I couldn't have been more wrong. Last night we finally broke up. She definitely had her mind made up. Her reason was simply that she wasn't happy anymore. As much as I wanted it to work, it almost seems like she wouldn't even try. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it. It's just so hard to go from constantly seeing someone and talking to that person every day for the past 4 years, to nothing. I'm at the point where i feel like I will never be able to find someone else that I will be that comfortable with. I know that feeling will eventually pass, but it feels hopeless right now.
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