MammaMia Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) H belongs to the social circles with the bimbo. That's where they met and after 9 years of knowing each other, they finally started an EA. Well, he broke it off, has been doing the right thing ever since, no contact, no conversations, and has apologized over and over and has called himself an idiot many time ( no arguments here). Since they belong to the same social circles, H sees the bimbo once in a while and sometimes when I go with him, I see her, too. Finally I asked H many times to quit the one club they both belong to, and to switch over to the same organization but in the neighboring city, so we do not have to see her ever again and I can bring closure. He had not done it as of last week. Late last week we went to one of the meetings and the bimbo was not there. We were told there was a death in her family, and that was that. At the end of the meeting the bimbo's friend takes my H aside, only a few feet away from me, and started whispering to him. I heard a couple of words and I knew she was talking to him and giving him info on the bimbo's situation. That infuriated me. I had planned to talk to H one more time next week ( for the very last time) and ask him to quit the club and go to the other organization but I got so mad with what happened , (truly not H's fault) that I let him have it in the car. When we came home, I flat out told him what I want him to do and he said to me he had already made up his mind not to renew his dues with their mutual club. So far so good. For the first time since Dday ( a year ago) I told him that I will never trust him 100% and he is the one responsible for that.( I wonder now if that was smart of me to say that to his face ) We had a big argument over the whole incident. The next day he gave me the cold shoulder and did not even sit and eat with me. Fine. I do not feel sorry for him, he subscribed to the A knowingly and willingly and he is responsible for the tough decision he has to make now. The following day he apologized for his behavior towards me and was he was his old self. I have now decided, that if H does not switch to the other organization,( I have a feeling he won't ) I will detach, never ask him about his meetings, never show the slightest interest in his clubs and above all, never sit home and wait for him. Let him wonder where I am for a change. I am glad he is quitting the one club, but he is going to see the bimbo at other meetings, so we have not accomplished much. But I am glad that he will not see the bimbo once a month on a regular basis and interact with her. The questions I have are: a) next time I see the bimbo's friend, should I say something to her about her behavior and ask her never to do this again in my presence? b) any more suggestions as how to handle the situation if H doesn't leave his current social club? Thanks and sorry this was long. Edited October 3, 2011 by MammaMia
Try Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Quite honestly, I think it was damned RUDE and insensitive of your husband to allow himself to be pulled aside - right in front of you - so he could hear news about someone he's supposed to no longer be involved with in any way. If he had any respect for you at all, he would have told this person that his xOW's family situation wasn't any of his business and it was disrespectful to YOU for her to think it was ok to pull him aside and talk privately. I guess a little LOYALTY towards you is too much to ask. That about nails it for me. Well said.
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