what should I do...asking for another person's opinion

[puzzled]

Can anyone help me with my situation? I cannot deal with it anymore on my own. If I need some sense to put in my head, just go ahead.

 

My boyfriend of 1 year and 3 months and I have been fighting so much recently. The more we fight, the more nasty words are being thrown at each other's face. The fight is because of this....he is angry because I get upset when he goes to his wife.

 

Let's put it this way. They were both married when he and I met. He ran this deli together with his wife. The deli is owned by a corporation that they had formed. He filed divorce, got a condo and soon after asked me to move in. He left his place at the deli, because she didn't want him to be around. He decided to do something else for a living.

 

He's been keeping in touch with her still even when I started living with him. I pointed at it several times how it makes me upset. He stopped it but is now doing it behind my back, which makes me more furious now. At this point when I ask him how it goes with the divorce case, he'd go: "I don't know." And what makes me more upset is that he is not even going to bother to follow through with it.

 

I'm not pressuring him to do anything, but I think that I sometimes need a reassurance. Especially if he's still hanging out with her.

 

Now he even wants to go back and run the business together like he used to. I would be ok with that if it were another lady. But because it's her and the way we've met, she wouldn't like it if I'd go to the deli and be all kissing and hugging him all over the place. He wouldn't even pick up the phone when he's in the deli and knows that I'm the one calling. These are the reasons why I don't like the idea of him working together with her from 5:00 am to 10:00 pm.

 

He gets upset with me about this, because I don't show him support. And because he's upset, when I ask him if he still loves me, he'd go: "I don't know." I think that if you love someone, saying that you love them in a situation like this would only take away all the pain and give me something to hold on to.

 

I don't know what to think or do. I don't think I have mentioned everything, but please help me out. If you need to know more, ask me...I'm really in the need of someone elses opinion.

[bluechocolate]

It's difficult to know what to say really. You involved yourself with a married man & it sounds like he's still married. On top of that they own a business together which means that even if they were to divorce they are going to have to have contact with one another.

 

It sounds to me that he's not completely finished with his marriage and that you have very little to stand on in this threesome.

 

I would get right out of their lives until the marriage is well and truly over and then you can decide together where to take it from there.

[puzzled]

You're so right about this.

 

I shouldn't have moved in with him that fast until the divorce was final. I knew it then, but still decided to proceed with the full thought that it was going to be allright. We would be closer together while waiting for the final papers.

 

I blame my self for everything. I trusted my boyfriend to take care of me. During the time that he moved out from their home, it was a very difficult period. Although he had business together, he didn't have anything saved up for himself for the rainy day. He was very very low on cash (never saved anything) and worked in the deli for a while to get some money together for the down payment of the condo. He would always tell me, while the real estate papers were processed by the bank, that he wished he wouldn't qualify for the loan, because he wouldn't know how to pay for mortgage. First of all, I disagreed on him bying the condo, but he did it anyway. But then the contracts were already signed and he qualified for the loan, so he had to take the deal with or without money.

 

My reaction on this was to support him by moving in with him and so to help him pay for the bills and we can do things together and at least don't worry that he didn't have money. Because I was there and I would take care of him. I didn't know that it would end up like this. We were thinking that instead me paying for my apartment, I'd help him pay his bills for somewhat the same amount and we'd be close together too. These were the two main reasons why I moved in. I have chosen him before me and I ended up sad.

 

I don't know if I should get out of his life. I ask him if that's what he wants cause I would be allright on my own and move on, even though it's going to hurt. Cause I cannot live like this, it's not the right way and he's probably not even ready yet. If he feels that he want to be with her and he made a major mistake of his life, I would let him go. I'd cry, I'd be hurt, but I would let him go and move on. But he doesn't want to let me go. I see he gets really sad. So I don't know what I should do.