mesmerized Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 If you are a woman, should you wait for them to text/call back or is it ok if you do it first? Is it true that a man WILL contact you again if he is truly interested no matter what or is it highly dependent on his estimation of your interest as well? I personally tend to put the ball in their court. I like to think that they call/text if they are really interested and at the end of dates, I don't show myself too eager as I don't want them to think I'm desperate and I let them show that they want another date first. I said goodbye to my date rather abruptly last night as it was too cold where we were standing. He said it was nice meeting me, I said nice meeting you too...we hugged and then I said bye, he looked back and said see you. Now I don't really know what to think of all this. It was a good date but not amazing and maybe if I had strong indication that he is interested, I would make the first contact. Guess I just have to wait and see what happens.
Johnny85 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Text him (or call him). If you're confused, there is a possibility that he is confused too. Gender roles/stereotypes are dying out - if you want something, go for it.
veggirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Call, text or email a "thank you, had a great time" type of deal, and then leave it up to him. If he initiates a 2nd date, it's then up to you to suggest the 3rd, IMO. If he doesn't initiate a 2nd date after a "thank you" type of message, then I would not contact again.
Author mesmerized Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Call, text or email a "thank you, had a great time" type of deal, and then leave it up to him. If he initiates a 2nd date, it's then up to you to suggest the 3rd, IMO. If he doesn't initiate a 2nd date after a "thank you" type of message, then I would not contact again. I feel like I should have done this right after our date which I actually wanted to but got so busy. Now is too late to thank him for a cup of coffee I think. don't you think he will do it if he is truly interested regardless of if I thank him or not?
TheSingleGuy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Personally, I think it's Abso-f***ing-lutely rude as hell to not send a thank you text, which takes all of three seconds. If a girl didn't do that with me, I'd assume she's not that into me.
Author mesmerized Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Personally, I think it's Abso-f***ing-lutely rude as hell to not send a thank you text, which takes all of three seconds. If a girl didn't do that with me, I'd assume she's not that into me. Why is it rude?! It was just a coffee date and I thanked him there for it. Why is it up to the woman to send the thank you text?! Why can't the guy send that and say he enjoyed her company? Are you saying it's common for girls to send a thank you text after a first date?
TheSingleGuy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Did he pay for your coffee? Do you expect men to pay for first dates? If he asks you out again, only this time for dinner, would you be ok with picking up the tab? Or going Dutch? If you could care less about ever seeing him again, blow him off. If you want to see him again, does it just kill you to show any interest at all? You want him to do 100% of everything at this point, from pursuing you despite your obvious lack of interest, to planning the date to paying for the date. Truth is, you aren't that attracted to this guy or we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Author mesmerized Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Did he pay for your coffee? Do you expect men to pay for first dates? If he asks you out again, only this time for dinner, would you be ok with picking up the tab? Or going Dutch? If you could care less about ever seeing him again, blow him off. If you want to see him again, does it just kill you to show any interest at all? You want him to do 100% of everything at this point, from pursuing you despite your obvious lack of interest, to planning the date to paying for the date. Truth is, you aren't that attracted to this guy or we wouldn't be having this conversation. yes he did...And yes, I will be ok picking up the tab. I don't "expect" men to pay for me and if they do it once, I do it the next time. Usually I let guys pay for the first date if it's only coffee, perhaps because it's just not a big deal to me personally and I know some guys feel emasculated if the women pays at first. If It's something more I offer to pay or at least pay my half. I actually AM attracted to this guy... I just don't want to appear too eager/desperate specially since I have no idea how HE feels about me. Even on our date, he didn't give me any strong indication that he is actually into me and he didn't suggest anything at the end. I guess I just don't want to text him and not hear anything back.
Cypress25 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Personally, I think it's Abso-f***ing-lutely rude as hell to not send a thank you text I don't send thank-you texts after dates because I thank the guy at the end of the date. I always offer to pay my half on dates, but if he declines my offer and pays for me, then I say "thanks for dinner" as we're saying goodbye. It seems redundant to send a text repeating the same thing. In the days before texting, women didn't call after a date to thank the guy. They expressed their thanks at the end of the date and that was that. These days, it seems like men want reassurance from the woman before asking for a second date. I say, read her body language during the date and if she seems to like you, then ask for a second date. That's what men usually did back in the day, before texting. I wouldn't be the one to follow up after a first date because I figure if the guy wants a second date, he'll ask for one. If I like the guy, I make it clear during the date. If he's too dense to pick up on that, or too timid to ask for another date, then I wouldn't want to date him anyway. I'm not gonna chase the guy.
Author mesmerized Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I texted him and he didn't respond. I should have listened to my guts about this instead of the suggestion of TheSingleGuy. Now my ego is all bruised and his ego is probably all happy!! I will never be the one to initiate contact with a guy after a first date ever again.
Cypress25 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Here's a good rule of thumb: never listen to TheSingleGuy. His advice all over the forum is "Guys, never do anything. Make the girl do all the work. That's how you get power over her." Not the kind of guy you want to take advice from, right?
kodax Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I texted him and he didn't respond. I should have listened to my guts about this instead of the suggestion of TheSingleGuy. Now my ego is all bruised and his ego is probably all happy!! I will never be the one to initiate contact with a guy after a first date ever again. That's the wrong attitude to have. Don't expect a good relationship to fall into your lap. If you were interested, texting/calling was absolutely the right thing to do. If he didn't get back at you, the hell with it. At least you tried. I realize that such an attitude might sound "easier said than done," but it's amazing how fast you get used to it once you start.
Author mesmerized Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Here's a good rule of thumb: never listen to TheSingleGuy. His advice all over the forum is "Guys, never do anything. Make the girl do all the work. That's how you get power over her." Not the kind of guy you want to take advice from, right? I'm new to the forum, I didn't know! Feel really crappy now, it's not like I liked the guy THAT much but I gave him the impression that I did I guess by texting him.
Author mesmerized Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 That's the wrong attitude to have. Don't expect a good relationship to fall into your lap. If you were interested, texting/calling was absolutely the right thing to do. If he didn't get back at you, the hell with it. At least you tried. I realize that such an attitude might sound "easier said than done," but it's amazing how fast you get used to it once you start. I understand...The thing is, I'm not very used to being rejected as I haven't really dated that much so when it happens, I tend to question myself and over-analyze things a lot. It's a huge blow to my ego. And I'm honestly learning that if a guy really wants you, he will chase you. If he doesn't, it usually means he is not interested.
kodax Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I understand...The thing is, I'm not very used to being rejected as I haven't really dated that much so when it happens, I tend to question myself and over-analyze things a lot. It's a huge blow to my ego. And I'm honestly learning that if a guy really wants you, he will chase you. If he doesn't, it usually means he is not interested. I understand where you're coming from -- sorry about your bruised ego! Don't worry, though, things get easier the more you date. Good luck!
oaks Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I texted him and he didn't respond. I should have listened to my guts about this instead of the suggestion of TheSingleGuy. Now my ego is all bruised and his ego is probably all happy!! I will never be the one to initiate contact with a guy after a first date ever again. It stings a little, but pick yourself up and get on with today and go and find someone else. Your ego needs to learn that not every first date is going to be successful, so perhaps this was a good lesson! It shouldn't mean that you can't initiate contact in the future - you wouldn't want this guy's lack of interest to spoil your chances with a future guy, would you?
TheSingleGuy Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I texted him and he didn't respond. I should have listened to my guts about this instead of the suggestion of TheSingleGuy. Now my ego is all bruised and his ego is probably all happy!! I will never be the one to initiate contact with a guy after a first date ever again. So this reveals the truly SELFISH nature of women! The women who make me chase and do nothing...they are selfish little bitches, I don't want them anyway. Trust me, I have refused to chase plenty of women who wouldn't do anything on their end even though I was madly attracted...I assumed they weren't interested. After reading this thought process, it will only get worse. If a chick wants me, she needs to show it. Either she's not interested or she's extremely selfish. No sense in chasing a cold bitch like that when there are so many cool women out there who don't act like this.
Author mesmerized Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I texted him and he didn't respond. I should have listened to my guts about this instead of the suggestion of TheSingleGuy. Now my ego is all bruised and his ego is probably all happy!! I will never be the one to initiate contact with a guy after a first date ever again. So this reveals the truly SELFISH nature of women! The women who make me chase and do nothing...they are selfish little bitches, I don't want them anyway. Trust me, I have refused to chase plenty of women who wouldn't do anything on their end even though I was madly attracted...I assumed they weren't interested. After reading this thought process, it will only get worse. If a chick wants me, she needs to show it. Either she's not interested or she's extremely selfish. No sense in chasing a cold bitch like that when there are so many cool women out there who don't act like this. You're not very bright, are you? You say you don't chase people who don't show interest. I wanted to do the exact same thing, not chase a guy who doesn't show interest and you advised me to do so while you say you wouldn't yourself. Anyways, for future reference, I shouldn't take what you say seriously.
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