immitable Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 4 months after breakup strict NC, 5 years relationship had few mail contacts in terms of getting my stuff etc, ex doesn't communicate either. Recently sent me happy birthday line per mail. I am tired of just dwelling, thinking about breaking NC and to see where things stand at the price of never getting back together, just need it in order to move on, seriously. What do you think?
january2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Your ex doesn't give you closure. You give it to yourself. And unless you have a heart of stone, which given your current turmoil doesn't seem to be the case, you're not going to get any kind of closure after four months of coming out of an LTR. It's going to take at least a year to really move on and possibly more if you lived together. Since you're on strict NC, it's worth setting up a block on all communications so that you don't have to rip off the band-aid again.
Author immitable Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 thank you for the reply, I guess I am just going to have to accept it and move on, regardless.
Author immitable Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 tired of "what ifs" and I am just not going to think about her anymore it is really not worth my time but this is also going to mean that there is not going to be a chance to ever reconcile. Tried to be patient and to understand her, did reflect, changed for myself for better of course and now is seriously time to move on, I feel.
january2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 A breakup after five years is going to take some time to heal. It's going to take more than four months to rebuild your life. Whether your next partner is your ex or a new person, you still need to be whole before you can offer yourself again. It needs to be all about you now.
Author immitable Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) A breakup after five years is going to take some time to heal. It's going to take more than four months to rebuild your life. Whether your next partner is your ex or a new person, you still need to be whole before you can offer yourself again. It needs to be all about you now. Absolutely agree January2011, one more thing I forgot to mention is that this was her second chance, we had a fling (we were teenegers then) years before we started this relationship where she basically left to hear from her again years after, she lived in another country. This second time, I decided to give her a chance athough she was married and right before divorce when she came to me telling me that she always thought I was the one. She moved to my city and got a job here basically which led me to believe that after 5 years we're onto something serious and all of a sudden a breakup. I was supportive of her, she improved in terms of looks and her career. Now I get the impression when I compare what she was before she met me and now that she thinks she deserves something better because her ego boosted. I simply don't think that after stringing me along for 5 years she deserves another chance and it is my chance to turn a new leaf, if I could just simply erase all the memories over the past 5 years with a snap of my fingers, it would have been great. Edited October 2, 2011 by immitable
january2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Unfortunately, you can't erase it. The best that you can hope for is to remember the good times and also the positives that came out of the experience. And to accept that you don't want to be stuck again. Having gone through two breakups with the same person, it's bound to hurt a lot more than if you'd only experienced one. It sounds like she may have been using you, knowing that you were willing to support her and take her back. You need to go permanently NC is to take back your life. Otherwise, you'll always be at her beck and call, no matter how much time you spend apart. There's a certain romanticism in that but it's also a waste of your life to pine after someone who never chooses you when something supposedly better comes along. You'll always be stuck and in the meantime she'll keep moving forward after draining you of your love and resources.
Author immitable Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) On supporting eachother Jan2011 (thank you for the reply again )-- well she wasn't exactly draining my resorces, funny thing she was very supportive of me emotionally and financially, because she had a high paid job and I am a student, I used to work before being when we met and than decided to continue my studies, it was fair and mutual I guess that's what couples are for. Edited October 2, 2011 by immitable
january2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 it was fair and mutual I guess that's what couples are for. True. I think that ultimately, it's up to you whether or not to be open to trying again if/when she returns to you. Though it's worth asking yourselves, if it didn't work before, what makes either of you think that it's going to work a third time? That is, what's different the third time round that's going to make the relationship more successful?
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