lonelynyc Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I have realized something sort of disturbing about my breakup and many other people's on LS. A common theme is this idea that we were not enough, somehow our good qualities weren't good enough for our ex. I know for myself that a lot of the pain I'm dealing with is some unresolved self-esteem issues that pre-dated my former relationship. I think we all have them, whether we admit it or not. Maybe the most important part of the healing process is to examine and then rebuild our damaged self-esteems. Chances are we'll have to deal with a breakup again in the future (especially all the younger posters). We need to make sure that we're stronger next time around, more self-assured, self-reliant emotionally. With that in mind, I just wanted to form a thread for all the broken-hearted, wayward souls on here to post about the things they love about themselves. Let's celebrate ourselves a little bit!
Author lonelynyc Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Come on! I know you guys can do better than this!
Kageytn Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I have no self esteem. If I had, I never would have stayed in such a ****ty relationship. On paper, I know I'm awesome. I'm intelligent, pretty, friendly and funny. I am a survivor. My husband died when I was 28 and I had no college degree, no job and two small children. I went back to school and I've raised great kids. I attend church. I don't kick kittens and I try to be nice to people. I've run two half marathons. Yet...I let him convince me that I was a horrible mother, a horrible teacher and I was overweight. I was too flirtatious. I was too nice. I needed to depend on him. I was too slow of a runner. Here's him: a man in his forties that has never even owned a goldfish. He eats lunch with his parents every day. They bought his car and his house. They pay his maid and his lawn service. He has never cooked or done his own laundry. He is hairy and overweight and socially awkward. Never again. I will love myself and never let anyone treat me less than I am. I repeat to myself every day: I am a woman of value and integrity. I love myself and deserve the best. I'm starting to believe it. He's texting and calling. He realizes I'm changing and he is losing control of me. I am worried I'll allow him back in and allow him to destroy me again. I'm worried he will be cruel and I'll believe him. And I tell myself I won't because I'm awesome and more powerful than him.
Author lonelynyc Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 On paper, I know I'm awesome. I'm intelligent, pretty, friendly and funny. I am a survivor. My husband died when I was 28 and I had no college degree, no job and two small children. I went back to school and I've raised great kids. I attend church. I don't kick kittens and I try to be nice to people. I've run two half marathons. We have to stop saying things like "on paper." I do that too, and it's like self-mutilation. Since my ex dropped me, a few girls I knew in the past (mostly non-romantically) have been coming out of the woodwork trying to get in touch with me. My interest in most of them has been platonic, but I should take comfort in the fact that some girls still see me as a catch, even if my ex devalues my existence, treats me like a piece of trash only good enough for removing dog turds from the sidewalk. I don't. I have convinced myself that my ex is right about me. That all the good qualities about me are a facade, a sham. You are the type of mother myself and many of the people I know wish we had. Someone who puts their children first and changes their life to make a better future for them is not a survivor, she's a hero. If your ex was right about you, you would never have accomplished any of the things you have accomplished. You can't fake raising good kids, pushing yourself to build a career out of nothing. That's all real, the emotional manipulation is the falsehood.
Kageytn Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I cried at your last paragraph. It means the world to me. I have strived to be the best mom I can be and, out of the all the things he said to me, it hurt the most. He said I didn't have good boundaries with them. I have to remind myself he is not allowed to judge my parenting. He said he loved my kids but he deserted them when he deserted me. I hate they lost another person in their lives but they don't seem heartbroken. They are relieved, I think.
Buttercup84 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Thank you nyc I need it. My self esteem has gone down the toilet. I have been told I have beautiful colored eyes , a nice smile , a good body , I dress nice. I am intelligent , funny , I stand up for others , I am good with the children that I teach , I am kind to animals , I am a good friend and girlfriend , I am there for the ones I love. I look after the ones I love when they are sick , I listen to peoples problems , I am approachable , I make people laugh , I am fun to be with , I am adventures , I am passionate , I try to be open minded , I think for myself... This was hard to write down . All I can think of is how much better his next girlfriend is going to be compared to me.
Buttercup84 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I have no self esteem. If I had, I never would have stayed in such a ****ty relationship. On paper, I know I'm awesome. I'm intelligent, pretty, friendly and funny. I am a survivor. My husband died when I was 28 and I had no college degree, no job and two small children. I went back to school and I've raised great kids. I attend church. I don't kick kittens and I try to be nice to people. I've run two half marathons. Yet...I let him convince me that I was a horrible mother, a horrible teacher and I was overweight. I was too flirtatious. I was too nice. I needed to depend on him. I was too slow of a runner. Here's him: a man in his forties that has never even owned a goldfish. He eats lunch with his parents every day. They bought his car and his house. They pay his maid and his lawn service. He has never cooked or done his own laundry. He is hairy and overweight and socially awkward. Never again. I will love myself and never let anyone treat me less than I am. I repeat to myself every day: I am a woman of value and integrity. I love myself and deserve the best. I'm starting to believe it. He's texting and calling. He realizes I'm changing and he is losing control of me. I am worried I'll allow him back in and allow him to destroy me again. I'm worried he will be cruel and I'll believe him. And I tell myself I won't because I'm awesome and more powerful than him. I am so sorry for the way that ass treated you. NYC is right , you are amazing. I have no kids and can only blame being lazy for not achieving things yet. I am 27 and started Uni again to study teaching and always come up with excuses for why I can't study or keep putting things off. But you have been through more than I have and have to raise kids by yourself. And you went back to school. I admire you so much and I was feeling so sorry for myself last night.But I need to kick my butt now. Keep doign what you're doing , he is a loser and there will be a man who will think he is the luckiest man alive to have a beautiful strong woman like you. Your kids are so lucky xx
solobeary Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I have realized something sort of disturbing about my breakup and many other people's on LS. A common theme is this idea that we were not enough, somehow our good qualities weren't good enough for our ex. I know for myself that a lot of the pain I'm dealing with is some unresolved self-esteem issues that pre-dated my former relationship. I think we all have them, whether we admit it or not. Maybe the most important part of the healing process is to examine and then rebuild our damaged self-esteems. Chances are we'll have to deal with a breakup again in the future (especially all the younger posters). We need to make sure that we're stronger next time around, more self-assured, self-reliant emotionally. With that in mind, I just wanted to form a thread for all the broken-hearted, wayward souls on here to post about the things they love about themselves. Let's celebrate ourselves a little bit! This is so true. The irony for me is that there were some topics in my relationship that I'd pussy-foot around, because I didn't want to make my ex feel bad because he had low self-esteem (e.g. his weird relationship with his family, his need for approval from his friends). Now, from a distance (and NC!) I realise that he treated me and my love for him in such an arrogant way, and completely screwed up my self-esteem in the process. Me: I'm smart, I'm funny, when I get close to someone I am incredibly loyal and loving, I'm tough, I have strong sense of self and have interests and hobbies, I'm open to new ideas and differences if someone treats me with the same respect in return, I have a nice smile. I still doubt myself all the fricken' time though!
eleanorhurting Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I am not perfect. I have made mistakes and learned from them and these mistakes have made me stronger and more compassionate of others. I am smart, dedicated, have worked very hard to get through medical school. I have a very cute smile and I'm pretty sure I have great legs. I dress well. I am kind hearted and always try to say nice things about others and make others feel happy.
Lil1 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Chances are we'll have to deal with a breakup again in the future (especially all the younger posters). We need to make sure that we're stronger next time around, more self-assured, self-reliant emotionally. With that in mind, I just wanted to form a thread for all the broken-hearted, wayward souls on here to post about the things they love about themselves. Let's celebrate ourselves a little bit! Cheers lonelynyc! I admit my self-esteem also took a plunge when my ex left me. I really felt that I had given the best of myself in that relationship and I wasn't ready to let it all end. I cried myself to sleep for two months and it was a terrible experience to have to go through. But heartbreak is inevitable in the pursuit of true lasting love.. unless you are one of the few lucky souls who finds their match the first time around! I went through a lot of self discovery.. and have come to realize that regardless of the outcome of my previous relationships, I'm thankful for having had the experience of sharing a deep love and connection with someone I deem special. Undoubtedly I've grown as an individual from each heartbreak. It's such a good feeling to be self-aware, and to be able to trust and rely on yourself. I still think though, that being in a committed and loving relationship is one of the most beautiful experiences a human being can have! I love that I'm a Leo because I truly do think I'm fabulous! Although I tend to trust easily I'm definitely more cautious these days, but I still believe in love:love: I'm a deeply loyal and passionate lover and I love having someone to share adventures with. I know I'll love deeply again and I very much look forward to it, but for now I'm happy loving myself, loving life, and growing into a more fabulous me!
Kageytn Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I didn't want to lose this thread. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling to read it. So, how did we celebrate ourselves today? I did not respond to my ex's texts and phone calls. It's been insanely hard. I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm scared of his reaction to my NC. He will flush me out anyway possible. I'm stronger than him though! I'm turning off my phone and finishing my book!
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I have no self esteem. If I had, I never would have stayed in such a ****ty relationship. On paper, I know I'm awesome. I'm intelligent, pretty, friendly and funny. I am a survivor. My husband died when I was 28 and I had no college degree, no job and two small children. I went back to school and I've raised great kids. I attend church. I don't kick kittens and I try to be nice to people. I've run two half marathons. Yet...I let him convince me that I was a horrible mother, a horrible teacher and I was overweight. I was too flirtatious. I was too nice. I needed to depend on him. I was too slow of a runner. Here's him: a man in his forties that has never even owned a goldfish. He eats lunch with his parents every day. They bought his car and his house. They pay his maid and his lawn service. He has never cooked or done his own laundry. He is hairy and overweight and socially awkward. Never again. I will love myself and never let anyone treat me less than I am. I repeat to myself every day: I am a woman of value and integrity. I love myself and deserve the best. I'm starting to believe it. He's texting and calling. He realizes I'm changing and he is losing control of me. I am worried I'll allow him back in and allow him to destroy me again. I'm worried he will be cruel and I'll believe him. And I tell myself I won't because I'm awesome and more powerful than him. Kag, before I post my own response to NYC, I want to take the time for a sec to thank you, personally, from the bottom of my heart. My story is similar to yours. I grew up with a mother just like you, and she is the very core of my soul that keeps me living and breathing. She is the kind of person who is so hard-working, loving, and sometimes gives tough love but would never hurt a fly. She married my dad a long time ago, and while things were good for a while and he made her happy, he ended up cheating on her many times, endangering her health, blowing a lot of his money on gambling, not paying child support, etc. All the way up to the divorce. While I don't hate my dad, I do hate what he did to my mom. So undeserving. She moved to another state with me and my older brother, raised us both very well while working different jobs and going to school too. Every day, I am so thankful to have had a mother who was so strong and loving the entire time. Love her to pieces. She's now on her own and engaged to a nice man, and she deserves her happiness more than anyone I know. So please, don't give up, you really are awesome and are an inspiration to young women like me. That's more than anyone can say about your ex.
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 (edited) I love that I'm a Leo because I truly do think I'm fabulous! Go Leos! With that in mind, I just wanted to form a thread for all the broken-hearted, wayward souls on here to post about the things they love about themselves. Let's celebrate ourselves a little bit! Nice thread! Hm... Well, let's see. I'll say the top four things I've always liked about myself, some silly, some not. I've always liked that I'm a creative individual: I love art, music, and writing the most. I'm heavily involved with them. I love how I can dig deep into myself and bring out something I can turn into art for others. It's a beautiful thing. Also being a deep thinker is something I like about myself. It's just who I am. My loyalty - once you have me as a friend, I'm always there as a shoulder to lean on. Always. I like my random boldness that comes out of nowhere. It helps me get out of my comfort zone. And I love that I'm able to lift up my friends' spirits just by being around them and making them laugh. I love that I always see the brighter side of life and see that things aren't so bad, even when they're complete sh*t. I like that my attitude is contagious and often helps other people out. Edited October 4, 2011 by Thieves
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