unsure8891 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I've been reading around a lot, about getting out of the friend zone, and one thing that struck me was that disappearing is a great tool to use. The girl I like texts me all the time, and I text her all the time, but it's been almost three mths since I broke up with my gf and about almost two mths since she broke up with hers. I noticed she goes out A LOT with a lot of people, but she always invites me. We talk all the time, and she's done a lot in the department of having me forget about my ex, but is this placing me in the friend zone. Should I stop texting her all together and see what she does? I'm not technically waiting for him to make her move, but I don't want to stop talking to her cause I rather enjoy all the attention, but is this killing my chances? Wouldn't talking to her, having her get to know more about me, help her grow more fond of me? If any information is needed my previous post gives a lot more background information.
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I scanned your past thread. Ask her out on a date. Accept the response. Let her 'grow more fond of you' while you're dating. Since you're talking about the 'friend-zone', it's clear you wish a sexual and intimate relationship with her. That's not a friend. You don't kiss or fµck the guy you have beers with on the weekend. Own that. She may stop inviting you out with her group. That's her truth. Truth is good.
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I've been reading around a lot, about getting out of the friend zone, and one thing that struck me was that disappearing is a great tool to use. The girl I like texts me all the time, and I text her all the time, but it's been almost three mths since I broke up with my gf and about almost two mths since she broke up with hers. I noticed she goes out A LOT with a lot of people, but she always invites me. We talk all the time, and she's done a lot in the department of having me forget about my ex, but is this placing me in the friend zone. Should I stop texting her all together and see what she does? I'm not technically waiting for him to make her move, but I don't want to stop talking to her cause I rather enjoy all the attention, but is this killing my chances? Wouldn't talking to her, having her get to know more about me, help her grow more fond of me? If any information is needed my previous post gives a lot more background information. What? She likes you, you like her, you talk a lot, she invites you out places, and this is a bad thing? If you have a softspot for her and would like to have sex with her, well, go and ask her! There's nothing wrong with having sex with your friend. In fact, most long term stable couples I know describe each other as their best friend. And that makes sense, right? Someone you like and have like having sex with is probably a good choice for a long term partner, right? I'm not seeing the problem.
Johnny85 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 What? She likes you, you like her, you talk a lot, she invites you out places, and this is a bad thing? If you have a softspot for her and would like to have sex with her, well, go and ask her! There's nothing wrong with having sex with your friend. In fact, most long term stable couples I know describe each other as their best friend. And that makes sense, right? Someone you like and have like having sex with is probably a good choice for a long term partner, right? I'm not seeing the problem. I agree 100%. Letting her know that you like her more than friends is very important. Perhaps trying an indirect approach would be easier if that makes you feel more comfortable with that?
Author unsure8891 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 The thing though is that I am not sure if she likes me. No we haven't been intimate. She constantly texts me, but she's done this before and nothing ever happened; in fact she had a bf at the time. I can't tell if she's just leading me on again or if this time it is for real. When my ex and I were on the rocks a year ago, I turned to this girl for advice and she told me to go back out with her. She seems to flirt with a lot of guys, and a lot of guys are into her, so I'm not sure if she's doing this with everyone or if I am somehow special. She even recently invited me to a Halloween thing in our town, but I saw some photos that she took attending the event with other guys, and one of them was an ex. A few weeks ago we hung out with a friend of mine, and the guy went and told my ex that I've, "been obviously friend zoned", so that kind of made me hesitant. I've only been with one girl, and that was the girl I recently broke up with, and she made the pass on me.
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Sounds more like an orbiter situation. She pulls one in once in awhile to play with and then reinserts him. That stuff went on while she supposedly had a boyfriend reinforces this perspective. Up to you but I'd give this one a pass, meaning move on.
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 The thing though is that I am not sure if she likes me. No we haven't been intimate. She constantly texts me, but she's done this before and nothing ever happened; in fact she had a bf at the time. I can't tell if she's just leading me on again or if this time it is for real. When my ex and I were on the rocks a year ago, I turned to this girl for advice and she told me to go back out with her. She seems to flirt with a lot of guys, and a lot of guys are into her, so I'm not sure if she's doing this with everyone or if I am somehow special. She even recently invited me to a Halloween thing in our town, but I saw some photos that she took attending the event with other guys, and one of them was an ex. A few weeks ago we hung out with a friend of mine, and the guy went and told my ex that I've, "been obviously friend zoned", so that kind of made me hesitant. I've only been with one girl, and that was the girl I recently broke up with, and she made the pass on me. What do you want to do?
Johnny85 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I think Carhill has a very valid point above that this may simply be her personality type, and she clicks better with guys than she does with girls. However, she is asking you to hang out with her and all of her friends, which means that she does enjoy your company (whether this is on a romantic level or strictly platonic level is up to you to figure out). Ask her out, be assertive. If you don't try, you will never know. And you can always communicate your feelings to her indirectly if it makes you feel more comfortable. It seems like you are pretty shy, which is cool (I am too) but I think it is important to step out of your comfort zone and have fun doing so.
Author unsure8891 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I would love to date her, I mean I've always been infatuated with her, but she seems to switch partners often, and I don't want to start something and then get replaced. She also seems to try and keep all her ex's as friends, so I don't want to be another sucker who has been forced by her to keep the friendship. I do get that feeling Carhill that's why I keep my distance, but I'm a pretty big sucker to pretty girls. I never had a real girlfriend until I was 19, and that lasted a month. My LTR was when I was 20, but I was never really sure if I settled with her, but she was the first girl who sincerely showed an interest in me, and I knew I could trust her, that she'd be loyal to me, and that she loved me. She never trusted me, and I guess that was with good reason because I was always secretly infatuated with this girl. She's beautiful, and if she has an interest in me it's like the nerd getting the beauty pageant.
betterdeal Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Okay, so she's in to free love and doesn't hold grudges. I'm not sure how she can force you to keep a friendship. How's that work? Her interest in you is dependent on how you treat her and behave with her. If you're cool and fun, she'll be more interested in you. My guess is you can have a fun time with her and there's a good chance it'll be a short romance. Take your pick.
TheSingleGuy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) DO NOT ASK HER OUT ON A DATE! Do NOT do this, bro. Big mistake. Did it ever once occur to you that if she goes on a date with you, you will still have the exact same obstacles to deal with that you do now? If you ask her out, your still gonna have to be the one to escalate everything. Nothing's gonna change just because you are on a "date". Every time she invites you out with the group, you've got your opportunity. Stare into her eyes. Get her into conversation. Touch her leg but don't leave it there more than a few seconds. See if she starts touching you back. If she's digging your behavior, she will let you know. Then you can put your hand on her leg for 30 seconds. Baby steps. Then, bolt out early, but ask her to walk you out to your car. Hopefully, grabbing her hand and holding hands on the way to the car won't be too much too soon for her. Guage her body language, experience helps. Hopefully, it's dark outside. There, you go for the kiss. If she really starts to make out with you, and really starts kissing you back, cut it short and leave her wanting more, but before you finish kissing her, grab the back of her head, put your mouth to her ear and say "Do you want to go home with me tonight.". It's not a question, it's a statement. Sometimes they will, but because she knows you already, she might not. Either way, you generate attraction with her because it shows you aren't intimidated by her. That, my friend, is the best advice I can give you. Good luck with this one. Edited October 3, 2011 by TheSingleGuy
Cypress25 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 You'll never know how she feels if you don't ask her out. She's been giving you positive signals for a long time. It sounds like she's waiting for you to ask her out. I know the possibility of rejection is scary, but you gotta take the plunge. Otherwise, you'll lose her to a guy who was not too timid to ask her out.
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