lalalandman Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Been 5 months since she left me and 1 month of NC. 5 years. It's been really tough moving on. The breakup was really tough. I wanted to spend my life with this girl. I realized that I haven't taken any of the blame for her breaking up with me. Towards the end of our relationship, I became very emotionally abusive towards her. Verbally. No wonder she left me. It didn't help that she accused me of seeing someone else for a few months, which I never did (most likely she was, given her record of cheating on me). But I have to let this go. I'm still sad sometimes. I dreamt about her a couple times this past week. I have a lot of growing up to do. I can't blame her for leaving me. I also let myself go financially. Got into debt. I didn't treat her well the last few months. Mostly because I was bitter for the way she treated me and my being a doormat. She even admitted she was sorry for being a bitch to me for 4 years. But I'm the one at fault. I know I still love her. But I have to forgive myself. I realized that I've been beating myself up over the breakup, but channelling the blame towards her in my mind. I love her still. It's hard to want to hope she finds happiness without me, but everyone deserves happiness.
fetish1980 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Don't beat yourself up bro. You're going through a phase right now of second-guessing and blaming yourself. You mentioned her past cheating. With that, she crossed the line on so many levels. You're human too, you're going to have your issues, your bitterness, it's all relative. Trust me, i was going through the self blaming stage last month. I blamed myself for not taking her back when she tried to get back together. She was only trying to do it for herself and for her ego. When they want you back, they WILL come literally beating down the door to be with you and will committ to change. fetish
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