counterman Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I know it doesn't really affect me but I hear this time and time again. I met a couple of girls a few weeks ago and they were talking about dating. They were complaining about how they've always dated wankers and jerks but have never dated a nice guy before. Now, they're not talking about the push over sort of nice guy but a guy that would treat them well. Fact is I know plenty of confident, nice guys... It's not like there's a shortage of them. One of my girl friends was complaining about her ex-boyfriend and how he was such a dick and douchebag. She knew that from the beginning of the relationship and yet she still continued to date him... for 3 years! Then when they finally break up, she goes out with another jerk. I use to be friends with this guy who was dating one of my friends at the moment and seriously, the way he talks about her when she's not there and, the way he treats other people and even his friends... Is she blind? The story goes the same for a few other girls that are friends of mine. I really don't get it. I understand how some douchebags may be confident and ask girls out but even so, I would rather reject them and be alone then accept the treatment and be with someone who's like that. Or maybe it's just the girls in my age bracket 18-22 years old. Does it take this sort of experience to make them realise that they deserve better? When do they break out of this phase? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 25? try 35. maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 'Douchebags' are often (mostly) good-looking (to women) and smooth-talking. I run into enough of them in business to know their kind. Men see other men through the eyes of a wary competitor. Women have different eyes. That's pretty much it, in my life experience. I can watch one have his go at a woman and can nearly always accurately predict when she'll fall for his BS. Then he'll flip a switch and become a completely different person with other men, a person his woman wouldn't like at all, in most cases. Multiple personalities at their finest. Back when I was a kid, it was called 'two-faced'. That describes one version of 'douchebag'. I'm sure there are others. Link to post Share on other sites
liverpool fc Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 some girls get sucked in by the 'douchebag bad type' that makes them wanting and they get a thrill of dating the 'bad' guy. thats all it is Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 std-ridden, abortions, emotional baggage, ex-husbands lurking in the shadows, a high sense of self-entitlement, an agenda of hurrying it up 'cause I ain't getting any younger, and their high requirements in a partner. Porn, O porn, you'll be even richer than you're already are LOL I do run into some of this. Mostly though it's women that want to put me on a shelf for safe keeping while they continue to play the feild. LOL! 'Douchebags' are often (mostly) good-looking (to women) and smooth-talking. I run into enough of them in business to know their kind. Men see other men through the eyes of a wary competitor. Women have different eyes. That's pretty much it, in my life experience. I can watch one have his go at a woman and can nearly always accurately predict when she'll fall for his BS. Then he'll flip a switch and become a completely different person with other men, a person his woman wouldn't like at all, in most cases. Multiple personalities at their finest. Back when I was a kid, it was called 'two-faced'. That describes one version of 'douchebag'. I'm sure there are others. I can pick these guys out of a crowd also. I still meet a surprising amount of women that date these types at 40 then wonder why they find themselves single every 7 months. They basically date guys like Micky Rourke's character in the Expendables LOL! So after so many pump & dumps they ask me out but want to "take it slow". I used to fall for that but I just tell them "i'm too old to take things slow" Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Myself, if I were dating, I'd be looking for the woman whose life experiences with douchebags has given her clarity about the vision she has of such men; the ability to quickly and calmly spot them and dismiss them and appreciate a genuine man for the assets he brings to the table. My work is similar, in identifying and dismissing the emotional vampires and Hoovers with equal clarity and calm. A meeting of the minds and perhaps, later, hearts. Why do girls date douchebags? Perhaps they are yet to have a clarity which speaks to them elementally, much as I lacked such clarity with EV's and Hoovers. Life is a journey of discovery and experience. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 At my age, the women who did have good people-picking skills when young and were healthy themselves and didn't date douchebags have now been married 25-35 years and are grandparents and great grandparents. They're not single unless they're widowed. Think about that. They picked a good man and had the relationship skills to make things work long-term, and are doing just that. Some of them are the wives of my male friends so I can see great examples every day. If such a single woman was ever to cross my path, those examples will help me greatly with the clarity to identify, respect and appreciate such a woman. To date, it's been mostly mutts like me, with no disrespect to them at all. For a younger man, having this knowledge can be a healthy part of the selection process. I'm seeing this with my friend's grandchildren now. Some are deliberate and selective; some are reckless. A few are 'douchebags' themselves. It's a mixed bag. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Maybe you should date a nice, nerdy girl who doesn't go for all that crap? Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 For lack of better options. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I know it doesn't really affect me but I hear this time and time again. I met a couple of girls a few weeks ago and they were talking about dating. They were complaining about how they've always dated wankers and jerks but have never dated a nice guy before. Now, they're not talking about the push over sort of nice guy but a guy that would treat them well. Fact is I know plenty of confident, nice guys... It's not like there's a shortage of them. One of my girl friends was complaining about her ex-boyfriend and how he was such a dick and douchebag. She knew that from the beginning of the relationship and yet she still continued to date him... for 3 years! Then when they finally break up, she goes out with another jerk. I use to be friends with this guy who was dating one of my friends at the moment and seriously, the way he talks about her when she's not there and, the way he treats other people and even his friends... Is she blind? The story goes the same for a few other girls that are friends of mine. I really don't get it. I understand how some douchebags may be confident and ask girls out but even so, I would rather reject them and be alone then accept the treatment and be with someone who's like that. Or maybe it's just the girls in my age bracket 18-22 years old. Does it take this sort of experience to make them realise that they deserve better? When do they break out of this phase? yes it's the age bracket of late teens into early 20s. women are immature longer than yesterday thanks to the lazy laws we now have. they should shape up by the time they hit 30, sometimes before, depending, again, on level of maturity. also you might wanna stay away from highly attractive types because they spell trouble. the average, fit ones are a lot better for the average man. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Little girls and little girls in women's bodies do but grown and mature women don't. Go more for the latter instead of the former. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 yes it's the age bracket of late teens into early 20s. women are immature longer than yesterday thanks to the lazy laws we now have. they should shape up by the time they hit 30, sometimes before, depending, again, on level of maturity. also you might wanna stay away from highly attractive types because they spell trouble. the average, fit ones are a lot better for the average man. So much for women maturing faster than men, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 People in general are taking longer to grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I think the proper question is: why are these men douchebags? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I think the proper question is: why are these men douchebags? IME, one potential was/is socialization, as in their father's and/or male role models were/are douchebags. Alternatively, few boundaries were thrown into their way as they entered adulthood, and they experienced peer acceptance of any behaviors they presented, so their id took over and they essentially came to believe they deserved whatever their id desired and became practiced at getting it. Men own their part of the 'dating a douchebag' equation. As choosers of such men, women own their part. As evidenced in these forums, women generally do not chase men, so women aren't chasing the douchebags down and roping them into some masochistic dynamic, rather they are accepting and I daresay swooning over the approaches of such men and actively choosing them from amongst the potentials who present themselves for consideration. They can choose differently. That a man is a douchebag (or whatever personality type) is outside of their control. Link to post Share on other sites
Gypsie Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sometimes with these guys they seem really charming and do and say all the right things at first. That is what keeps the girls interest. Then when they know they've got you. The girls see their true colors come out. By then the girl has already become attached. Especially if they have slept with them and they just put up with it. . Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Because it turns them on. Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 IME, one potential was/is socialization, as in their father's and/or male role models were/are douchebags. Alternatively, few boundaries were thrown into their way as they entered adulthood, and they experienced peer acceptance of any behaviors they presented, so their id took over and they essentially came to believe they deserved whatever their id desired and became practiced at getting it. Men own their part of the 'dating a douchebag' equation. As choosers of such men, women own their part. As evidenced in these forums, women generally do not chase men, so women aren't chasing the douchebags down and roping them into some masochistic dynamic, rather they are accepting and I daresay swooning over the approaches of such men and actively choosing them from amongst the potentials who present themselves for consideration. They can choose differently. That a man is a douchebag (or whatever personality type) is outside of their control.Those damn douchebag dads! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 E_P, if your peer group rejected your behaviors and you were left alone and isolated, being a douchebag (your words, not mine) would not be very productive nor satisfying. For whatever reasons, your behaviors have been accepted, embraced and validated. This could be as simple as associating with a like-minded peer group. It could be a combination of that and your intrinsic attractiveness to others. Don't underestimate attractiveness as a factor. People often gear off of superficial qualities and form perspectives without really getting to the 'meat' of the issue. The 'douchebag' dads I knew as a child were loud braggarts, usually good-looking and smooth-talking. Think of Michael Douglas in 'Wall Street'. One can view a potential peek at the dynamic you describe in the interactions of Charlie Sheen and his fictional (and real life) father Martin in that movie. If you really do believe in the philosophy and that 'greed is good', then own that and live it. Each of us is free to live our lives as we choose. Society will occasionally impose boundaries so be watchful for that. Having a lot of money helps buy what you want. If the ladies like dating 'douchebags' and/or 'greed is good' men, they do. In my time, I just wish they would have and left guys like me alone, completely. I will say, for the most part, they have, so I guess I should be appreciative. Lastly, back on the 'why', it's entirely possible that such young ladies who do date 'douchebags' were role-modeled that way, in that those behaviors and personality type is what 'love' is to them. It reaches them elementally, at that core loin level which impels attraction. When I see a large dichotomy in a woman between what she says she wants and what she's attracted to, I often think this process is at work. In most cases I've been personally aware of, where I came to know the lady's father, I think it's been pretty accurate, sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
samphs Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'm seeing a douche because at least I know he's a douche, I dated two "nice guys" and both times got my heart broken, sometimes nice guys are just not ready for a relationship with a douche you can have fun and not get attached (and then hurt) Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'm seeing a douche because at least I know he's a douche, I dated two "nice guys" and both times got my heart broken, sometimes nice guys are just not ready for a relationship with a douche you can have fun and not get attached (and then hurt) I'm kinda like that now. Not the d-bag part, but the "I'm just looking to have fun & don't want to talk about any kind of future" part. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I know it doesn't really affect me but I hear this time and time again. I met a couple of girls a few weeks ago and they were talking about dating. They were complaining about how they've always dated wankers and jerks but have never dated a nice guy before. Now, they're not talking about the push over sort of nice guy but a guy that would treat them well. Fact is I know plenty of confident, nice guys... It's not like there's a shortage of them. One of my girl friends was complaining about her ex-boyfriend and how he was such a dick and douchebag. She knew that from the beginning of the relationship and yet she still continued to date him... for 3 years! Then when they finally break up, she goes out with another jerk. I use to be friends with this guy who was dating one of my friends at the moment and seriously, the way he talks about her when she's not there and, the way he treats other people and even his friends... Is she blind? The story goes the same for a few other girls that are friends of mine. I really don't get it. I understand how some douchebags may be confident and ask girls out but even so, I would rather reject them and be alone then accept the treatment and be with someone who's like that. Or maybe it's just the girls in my age bracket 18-22 years old. Does it take this sort of experience to make them realise that they deserve better? When do they break out of this phase? It's because they're GIRLS, not women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author counterman Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for sharing everyone. I'm seeing a lot of what you are saying. 1. There's a difference between what these women say they want and who they're actually dating. Most say they want a "good" guy and end up dating douchebags. 2. Most of these douchebags are multi-faceted but there are other variations. I was friends with some of them and they projected confidence and this "I don't give a ****" aura but they didn't treat people well and wouldn't often bully their male counterparts. 3. Peer validation has reinforced this douchebag type of behaviour. One of my former closest friend is a douchebag and thinking back when we always hung out in a group, no one has ever stood up to him when he would openly put down a few of his mates. A behaviour I'm noticing now is his ability to use back-handed compliments or "negs" to chip away at his girlfriend's self-esteem, which ironically keeps her there. If no one is complaining, it must be that I'm doing things right, right? 4. Looks play a big part. Generally, better looking people get away with more. A sweet, unattractive guy will find it harder than a douchebag, goodlooking guy when it comes to women, girls of that age bracket anyway. 5. I can spot these guys a mile away and I have had a fair share of experience with their dynamic that I can call them out on their BS straight away. It's true that people often show their truer colours as time goes by but surely after being burned a few times, you'll start to be more observant and you're people-picker will be much improved. I have been burned by a really attractive girl before and I learnt that looks aren't everything, and have dated accordingly. 6. I haven't personally met fathers who were douchebags but I have observed and heard from a distance. If a girl is brought up in that environment and she is conditioned to believe that's called "love" then it's no wonder why some would be attracted to those type. Some other interesting points were raised but to be more specific about myself. I'm in my early 20s and studying. The girl I have approached in the past were the average ones and I usually got dates with them but find that after the first date, I would get bored. So this year I've approached the really attractive girls and find that some aren't so nice. The last girl I dated, who is 18, was very intelligent and career-oriented. You could tell she was brought up well, but she told me about her last experience with a guy, and that guy was a douchebag. She wanted to be exclusive with him but found out he was sleeping with other girls. But she also emphasised how crazily attracted she was to her. I thought to myself, "how many times would it take for her to get burned until she starts choosing better people to date?". Needless to say, things didn't work out between her and I. That's the thing also. I can be forgiving of a girl's past, especially if she's shown that she's learnt from it and is not the mending process, but if the the trend shows that she's been dating douchebag after douchebag and I'm the exception... it makes me a little wary. However, I probably wouldn't know who's she dated in the past but I find that it's usually the most attractive girls with this type of dating pattern. I wish I could date more mature women but I'm still studying. Bare in mind, this is not a major issue for me or a fixation, just mere pondering and trying to understand the girls of my age and trying to get a perspective on what some of my girl friends are thinking. I just don't get involved in their relationships. They date whoever they want, but it's sad and disappointing to see how things will turn out most likely for them in the future. Some of these guys were so rude and real jerks that I can't see what they see in them. Another recent example, I saw a gorgeous girl who was sitting by herself in class. So I thought I would sit next to her and strike up a conversation. Just as I was thinking about it, she waves her hand to this guy, who was sitting somewhere else and he pretends that he doesn't want to. He ends up picking up his stuff and sitting next to her. Then a couple more guys join her, all vying for her attention. I was actually considering just approaching her anyways with those three guys there after class but then I thought, is it really worth it? With those "orbiters" there, I wouldn't have stood a chance and those douchebags would have made sure I didn't anywhere with her. I'm not one of them, so I can't be one convincely. I don't want to be one but it seems these guys are getting away with more. So, I probably should be going for less attractive girls or find the learned exception of the many who seem to prefer this type. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Yeah I know a guy who treats everyone like ****, and he used to have a hot girlfriend. He's also been on more dates than me in the past 3 months than I've been on in the last year. In all seriousness though, I'm quite happy with my choice. I'd rather not date as often, and not be a dick to everyone. That's just me though. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Because most douchebags are good looking. Link to post Share on other sites
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