gandhi Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 For a little background: My ex-girlfriend broke up with me this summer during the middle of august. She basically lost her feelings for me while mine for her were as strong as ever. I did my part in begging and pleading for her back, and at times she even told me she loved me and missed me. After the breakup, we tried being friends, friends with benefits, and even got back together (this is where my real post comes in). Now: Well, she tossed me again. She somehow found out that my mother went to the hospital last week and contacted me, breaking her full week of ignoring me, to tell me that she is there for me and will always be there for me. I played it like a sucker, somehow things got to the point where SHE asked me back, probably out of guilt of how hard my life was and realizing how much she hurt me. You all know me, I jumped right on board. This past week was so worry-free for once in like 2 months, we hooked up about 3 times, we showered together. Then comes Friday, she becomes extremely distant and It comes to the point where I just tell her to tell me she really doesn't want me or this. Last night, she expresses how she was alone before me and how she wants that back for whatever reason. In my head, I knew this was all bull****. In my eyes, she's been eyeing another guy whose in college for months now and she needs justification and inner-peace to let me go without hurting me. I've seen her texts with him, her facebook wallposts, and how she acts around him. All in all, I'm ****ing crushed. I HATE feeling this alone, this weak, this used, and manipulated. As of last night, there is nothing left. We tried friends, friends with benefits, and getting back together, but she ruined each one of those because she hoenstly has nothing left for me and my nature. I gave her my all and got nothing in return. thirtythirty thanks for everything, I am moving on and will stop talking to her. ANY, and I MEAN ANY other advice will be extremely appreciated =(
jormungand Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Sorry this happened to you man. i'm pretty much in the same boat. As much as my heart longs to be reconnected with whom i considered a best friend, we have to come to grips that things probably weren't what they seemed on the other parties end. Sure we may have loved unconditionally, but it wasn't reciprocated - there's nothing that either of us can do about it. Keep telling that to yourself over and over again and good luck with your healing.
Author gandhi Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 The thing is too I will see her everyday because of school (shes in a lot of my classes) and I feel like I will end up just going straight to her to talk when she doesnt want to at all. She was my first love and it pains me to see she can just throw it all away.
jormungand Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 yeah, likewise. i work with my now ex, and i understand how painful it is.
Author gandhi Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Any advice? The times we did it before we set things in stone, I barely spoke a word all day. I couldnt concentrate in class and I found myself trying to force a situation of sorts to try and get her to talk to me. =(
jormungand Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 just be strong, man. i know its much easier said than done, but really resist the temptation to talk about how things were, or how they can get back there. i know especially in my case, it just made me look pathetic and much more like an ass. i'm sure you have a lot of unanswered questions as well, but if the other person won't even indulge you, there's not much you can do.
Kiraskrazy180 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I feel your pain. It's terrible to imagine someone whom you really love, love to death just suddenly loses love for you. I think the best thing you can do is have some time to heal. She's being very selfish, and I really think she is just confused. No one can stop loving you overnight, it takes some time. You should ignore her the next time she tries to get with you. She has to learn that you aren't a sucker and is just going to let your guard down everytime she makes up her mind. People have to realize that they cannot just play you, you're not a video game. Thats your heart involved and its SERIOUS. You have to avoid her as much as possible unless you'll end up hurt and scarred. You don't want that. Its ok that you still love her, but you have to love yourself more. You have to think of the best interest of YOU. She might need some time to arrange her feelings. Shes a confused person right now.
Author gandhi Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks Kiraskrazy, I know she seems to be extremely confused. She kept on saying "I dont know" to all of my questions last night of whether or not she wants me in her life or not and whether she wants a relationship. Then, she slowly started to tell me things that leaned towards her wanting me gone. Now, the morning after, Im feeling the hurt, AGAIN.
Author gandhi Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I think I am just that naive little kid who has to be smacked in the face with reality before it can set in. I can say that what you all asked me to do was hard, and in my head almost impossible, but thats not an excuse. Inside, I knew where this was all heading, that second chance, and I set myself up for this. But in my defense, as of RIGHT NOW, I took that one week of being completely care-free and worry-free because I find refuge in knowing there is someone thinking of me and atleast what I thought was loving me. I know I am ****ing idiot, that all my decisions are only going to bite me in the ass for the next few day/months/years, who really knows? I honestly just want to be happy. I know I sound like a sap, but isn't life about finding happiness and love?
antz2411 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 fact is this...you know what the smart thing to do is. you are reluctant to do the smart thing because you are afraid she is the best you can get. so the choice is yours. live by fear and you know what a miserable pathetic existance that will be, for you. if you keep holding on to this girl in her eyes you will be nothing but a chump and you will degenerate into that chump and wind up down the toilet of life.respect starts with self respect. if i take sh it like this from a woman, im expecting a tidal wave of sh it to come my way and drown me in it.
Author gandhi Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I know I have to do that, it's just, how does someone cope with the fact that the one person that cared/loved me can just throw me away. That in itself destroys everything I have. I have always been more of a loner, and when she came into my life, she opened the doors to all that I was missing out on: companionship, love, a sense of security, and attention. How do you let go of that when it is so much better than what I had before?
antz2411 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I know I have to do that, it's just, how does someone cope with the fact that the one person that cared/loved me can just throw me away. That in itself destroys everything I have. I have always been more of a loner, and when she came into my life, she opened the doors to all that I was missing out on: companionship, love, a sense of security, and attention. How do you let go of that when it is so much better than what I had before? dood are you freakin' insane? how can you let a woman destroy everything you have? thats pretty pathetic of you. you've always been a loner so you shouldn't have a problem being alone again. what you did wrong was you started putting this woman above yourself so therefore you lost yourself and you forgot how it feels to be a MAN with a pair of BALLS.
Author gandhi Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 how the **** do i get that back then.......? to me, its not pathetic when what I had before her was **** compared to what i had with her.
ken_25 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I know I have to do that, it's just, how does someone cope with the fact that the one person that cared/loved me can just throw me away. That in itself destroys everything I have. I have always been more of a loner, and when she came into my life, she opened the doors to all that I was missing out on: companionship, love, a sense of security, and attention. How do you let go of that when it is so much better than what I had before? Letting go can take time, part of how to do it is stop all contact with her. You need to detatch yourself from her completely. Now, next thing to do is understand that you will meet someone else in time who will fulfill you in the ways your ex did. You WILL find happiness and fulfillment with a new partner, I guarantee you will. Truly understand that and never let yourself think otherwise. Now, start getting busy... hit the gym, go for a run, read, try new things and have new experiences, meet new people, reconnect with other friends and open yourself to getting into social circles. You may be a loner, but in times like this, I always find it better to put myself around other people.. it helps.
Author gandhi Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Is it just me or does everyone miss the physical intimacy of a partner? From their nice hugs to real intimacy, it felt like a blanket of security? Just something I want to put out there? Oh and, haha, it's kind of funny........she keeps tempting me back day in and day out. She tried to hug me as I was walking to another class, she tried to tell me she missed our late night video chats during one of our biology labs, and she has even texted me. Maybe this is why I kept going back, because that one glimmer of hope for some uneasy kid was easy to grab hold of and not let go.
Author gandhi Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 God, I am here in the mornings right when I wake up, and I gotta say, the mornings SUCK. If I wake up during the night, its hard to go back to sleep because she is the thing that keeps coming into my head. When do I just start forgetting? =(
Author gandhi Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 I seem to get those dreams alot, especially this past week. I even wake up in the middle of the night and the first thing my head, and I mean literally the first thing, would be about her. Whether it be me missing her or feeling sad or feeling like I made the right choice, I find myself thinking about something related to her the moment that I wake up and the moments before I sleep. But, I'm finding some solace in all this, it's still hard seeing her at school, but I am just hoping one day that I look at her in the halls and feel nothing. Also, this has been the first ever true day of completely no contact. I mean no unresponded texts, no chats that weren't answered, no calls, no face-to-face contact either. It was my first day with nothing from her. It is hard....
Author gandhi Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 She defriended me on facebook today. It is probably for the best, but It still stung like a bitch to know that she did.
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