noel2 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Its been 5 years since the Love of my Life and I broke up, he moved away and was with someone else for 3 years and it ended a year ago. He and I had a very passionate, fun, crazy and tumultuous relationship. We loved passionately and argued just as so. I stood by him through some tough stuff and he loved me through trying to deal with his "stuff", which I didn't always handle so well, eventually taking its toll. He hurt me terribly with the way it ended and now 5 years later we've reconnected. My sister moved within 2 miles of him, in a whole other state from where I live, it had to be coincidence because they don't know one another. Anyway, I recently went to visit and that's when we reconnected. We had 2 great days together where we pretty much decided we both still cared very deeply for one another and should keep in touch and see where it goes. He told me that the only time in his life he was truly happy was with me and I told him I'm "home" when I'm in his arms. Once I got home I text'd him and asked him if we could give it a real shot, he said back that he isn't ready at this time and that he is learning who he is, but that there isn't one day he doesn't think about me. Now he's totally cut me off from communication except the one where I said I was worried about him and please let me know you're ok, he did text back and say he was ok, but that was it. I'm so lost and so scared that I'll lose touch with him again...Any suggestions, this is the man I know I'm meant to be with, when I think of never being in his arms again, I can barely breath....
Nsweet Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Your only mistake was in pressing forwards too early without first building up comfort slowly. Which was a mistake I made too. There is good new though, You can start NC right away to help heal yourself and then attempt contact with him again in about a month. Next time, come about this from a concept of "just friends",really pull back from giving too much affection or comfort and let him start contacting you, or investing in you. Sounds like he does care about you an aweful lot, but now you two are strangers again so you need to slowly build up friendship and take things from there. It's not like he won't want to talk to you,it's just that he freaked out and felt insecure about you at the time. Ever have a guy come onto you when you weren't looking? Give him his time to think and forget about this situation.
Author noel2 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I appreciate your kind words of encouragement, I probably did freak him out. Its been 4 days since I last contacted him, guess I'll give it about a month unless I hear from him. And you're right, I did press too hard, we did after all spend 5 years apart.
bigmomma1974 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You did say he told you he needed to find out who he was and wasnt ready yet so give him time. YOu know he is ok and that is good. GIve it a month like you said and give him a call and see how he is and if he would like to meet up. if he gives ya the im not ready yet, move on and leave it be. As hard as it is to have a broken heart, they do heal in time. best of luck to you!.
Author noel2 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I know its crazy to hold on to someone for so long after being broken up, I mean I've moved on in most ways, was even married for 6 months once and in a 2 year relationship another time, but my heart has and will always belong to him. I am in physical pain, true physical pain when I think about never being with him again, isn't that crazy?
Author noel2 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I think I'm scared that I've completely lost him because I pushed so hard. Any suggestions on what to say to undo the things I've done? I poured my heart out to him all at once and told him that I waited 5 years to say that stuff, yikes, probably sent him running for the hills!
The_Good_Me Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You cannot undo what you have already done but try not to stress yourself over it too much as he has already said things like he was only truly happy when he was with you and there isn't a day where he doesn't think about you. You may have scared him by going in a bit heavy too fast but I doubt you will have erased the undercurrent of feelings it sounds like he has for you. A bad start doesn't necesserily mean a bad finish. For now the best thing is to go back to NC as continuing the contact at this point will more than likely do more damage. If he is scared that things were moving too fast or if you made it too easy for him (making yourself too available), you standing off and not pushing will make him think twice about that. As always though try not to hold onto hope of a reconciliation with him. Hold NC and aim to move on. You've learned the lesson that pushing too hard too fast is the wrong thing to do. If you get in touch in the future, you will know to play it slower & cooler.
Author noel2 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I will move on and forward, but reluctantly so, as my heart is with him and I don't know if I can ever give it to someone else. I feel so strongly that my sister moving 2 miles from him in a small town, can't be coincidence. My sister has no ties there, had never been there and suddenly her husband gets a job there of all the places in the Country. Maybe I'm just a romantic:)
TLCbear Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Anyway, I recently went to visit and that's when we reconnected. We had 2 great days together where we pretty much decided we both still cared very deeply for one another and should keep in touch and see where it goes. He told me that the only time in his life he was truly happy was with me and I told him I'm "home" when I'm in his arms. Once I got home I text'd him and asked him if we could give it a real shot, he said back that he isn't ready at this time and that he is learning who he is, but that there isn't one day he doesn't think about me. Now he's totally cut me off from communication except the one where I said I was worried about him and please let me know you're ok, he did text back and say he was ok, but that was it. You didn't sleep with this guy, did you? Just giving a slightly different prespective of things....something to think about it. Due to the fact that he's no longer communicating with you....maybe he got what he wanted, an easy lay. Believe it or not, some guys are just that cruel. I'm sure you two were communicating before you came to visit. To ignore all of your contact, EXCEPT the "are you ok" one, something doesn't seem right. Edited October 3, 2011 by TLCbear
ChelleBelle Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I am happy that you connected and drew some closure to your feelings for a passionate love., To have experienced such a deep connection is wonderful and many do not feel such a connecttion at a deep level with someone they love. People can love, but not connect at such a deep and sexual level. Nonetheless, I believe he is no longer connected with you. I can only judge by your post. But it is clear to me, that he has broken away and is in some way connected to another. He may have reconnected with you btemporarily but he has probably 'moved on'. I would hate to think that he connected with you from a purely egoistic and sexual point of view, so the bottom line here, is he is either emotionally or physically involved at some level, with someone else and feels guilty about your time together or he is enjoying the trip with you. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say he probably has another girl (On the side lines, or in his life), which is understandable and acceptable, and he has moved on. Be happy for him, it so lovely that you have had that passionate love and connection that very few feel in your life. Good Luck. Maybe he will come back. But best to let him go.
Author noel2 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Yah, we did sleep together, twice, but ours was never about sex, don't get me wrong, we enjoyed sex very much together, but honestly, it was one of the only relationships I've ever had where sex was a bi-product of our love, not what defined it. I understand some of you thinking I was "a easy lay" but when you love someone to the depth that I love him, making love is a natural thing to do when you're reconnecting. As for another woman, he was seeing a girl for 3 months and they broke up before I came to visit, about a month prior, he said she was definitely not for him and that he didn't want to get back her, ever!
Nsweet Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 You need to keep believing in yourself if you ever want to stand a chance at getting him back. One of the best way you achieve both a lack of need for him and build up confidence is to start dating again. Take a week or two to get yourself mentally prepared and ready to go out, then actually get out there. Here's the kicker, once you learn how to pull back with other guys and relearn how to flirt and push/pull, you'll do so much better when talking to your ex again because the obcession to get him to like you isn't there anymore. I reccomend you look into a dating book and build an online profile for a cheap or free dating site. You don't have to respond to anyone but you will feel better having men contact you. Then later on you can work on your flirting skills at places decent men frequent like coffee shops or book stores. If you want to step it up you can actually meet up with sa guy or girl (it doesn't have to be sexual) for dinner (I don't reccomend alcohol) and have fun telling him about the awesome you. Don't even bring up the ex! At the end of your date you both go your seperate ways and you feel better. Finally when you do contact him you won't be hanging on his every word or trying to kiss up. In fact I reccomend jokingly teasing him, guys appreciate that if it's done a little. A quick phone call where you both tell how you've been, you get him talking more than you do and act bubbely and friendly. You crack a joke about something he's done recently (friendly not mean) and avoid telling him "I love you" or "I miss you" then try to end around ten minutes or so because you have something you need to do right away. Bam, that's all it takes for the "Breaking NC Phone Call". From there on just wait for him to call you or you call to talk once a week to start out. After a few weeks of Saturday after noon calls, you break the comfort by skipping a week and waiting a day to respond if he gives a check up call or text. Remember the better he feels after talking to you the further you progress.
antz2411 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 if you know your meant to be with him - let him go. there is a big difference between "you think" & "you know" ... dig deep and really find out which one it is.
TLCbear Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Yah, we did sleep together, twice, but ours was never about sex, don't get me wrong, we enjoyed sex very much together, but honestly, it was one of the only relationships I've ever had where sex was a bi-product of our love, not what defined it. I understand some of you thinking I was "a easy lay" but when you love someone to the depth that I love him, making love is a natural thing to do when you're reconnecting. As for another woman, he was seeing a girl for 3 months and they broke up before I came to visit, about a month prior, he said she was definitely not for him and that he didn't want to get back her, ever! Op, you are speaking in past tense, you seem to be very attached to the past, which you need to let go...and you seem to take what this guy says at face value, when you need to be taking his actions at face value. Have he contacted you any so far?
Author noel2 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 No, he hasn't contacted me, nor I him since last Wednesday. I'm going to admit, it's killing me, but I refuse to further humiliate myself if he can't give me more than a "I'm ok". As for me living in the past, no, not really because I have moved on and dated and even married once, but he's always there, in my heart and on my mind. Maybe that's not moving on, but my heart is so full of him.
Author noel2 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 And thanks, you must be in the Army? At least it looks like so on your pic, if so HOOAH
immitable Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It sounds like you loved him much more than he did you, he was the one to break up with you, right? He said he was ready to give it another shot which is a good thing, let him fall in love with you again if it is meant to be. Give him time and see where it goes from there, if you keep calling him it would sound like you beeing needy, if you know what I mean.. best of luck
Author noel2 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 It's been 6 days since our last communication, how long do I wait until I say hi and what in the world do I say? I feel like I've freaked him out and won't say the right thing. I'm feeling like a teenager not knowing how to handle this, but because he's the man I love more than anything, I want to go forward from here carefully!
Author noel2 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 And trust me, when things ended between us, it almost killed us both, but I think he was so tired of doing things that hurt me, he couldn't stand the guilt. But things are different now. So no, I don't think at all that I cared more than him, but I understand how you would think that.
Recommended Posts