lonestarlady78 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 When my husband and I first started dating he introduced me to a friend of his, a female friend. He later told me they had a brief fling in high school. I made friends with her but later became uneasy about their friendship. I had been in a marriage where I had been cheated on, and trusted my gut instinct. I voiced my opinion to my then fiancee and he told me there was nothing to worry about. Everything was ok until a few months later, after the wedding. I noticed an increase in the frequency of the texts between the two of them and again raised my concerns. I told my husband it was inappropriate and I didn't like it. He told me I was crazy. You're, crazy, you have mental problems there's nothing going on. I was mad. After months of alcoholism, and his running around 5 or 6 nights a week at his friend's houses and brother's house we split. I couldn't take anymore. After we split I later found out he had fooled around with his "friend" at his bachelor party. I was so furious and hurt. He finally came to his senses, and realized he couldn't be married and drink in excess or hang out with his buddies 5 nights a week. I decided to give him and us a second chance. We were getting along better than ever when he got a job offer that was going to take him out of town for 3-6 months. After taking him back I found out that he was talking to two of his exes and telling a girl in Austrailia that he would go visit her next May. I was really hurt. Again. But I was willing to stick with him through this and work things out long distance. Us doing this was conditional on my part however. I told him that in order for me to regain trust in him and be ok with us working things out that he had to give me all access to phone records, Facebook, email all of it. He agreed and we spent a great evening together. The next day (the day before he was set to leave) he up and left to go to his brother's house 2 hours earlier than expected. Once again, I felt something was off and indeed he was blocking my access to everything that day. I told him I meant what I said the day before and I wasn't going to get back with him unless he made some sacrifices (namely his privacy) so we could work on things and I could work on trusting him again. And like before it was my problem, I was wrong for wanting to invade his privacyand I should just trust him to do the right thing. Was I wrong?
leoc1973 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Hell no! This guy is just bad bad bad. Run away and don't ever look back! I know its hard to think of life without him but try to think of the rest of your life with him. This guy is a serial cheater. You will waste all the good years of your life before he finds someone younger prettier smarter whatever floats his boat. Take half of his **** and throw him out! He deserves it.
leoc1973 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 How do guys like this keep their women when this site is loaded with great guys that treated their ex's like gold and got dumped? It confuses the hell out of me. Go through this forum and read all of these great guys stories and what they did for their ex's. There are literally millions of guys out there that will look at you and think they are the luckiest guy in the world and never even look at another girl. Go get one before you look back one day and realize you wasted 2, 5 or 10 years of your life with this douchebag!
Nsweet Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I wouldn't label the husband as good or bad in an effort to justify anything she does now. NO, the information she has posted does not exclusively draw conclusions to anything regarding adultery, all though talking to exes can be a "go either way grey-zone", or it could be him attempting closure. I admit I talked to an ex for a few months when I was first married for just long enough to know I did not wan't her back ever. It sounds like comfort has bread contempt in your case which is all too common. You may have told him exactly how you feel about him running around with his friends instead of being with you, but it didn't stick long with him. In most cases you would need to show a man that you're willing to leave instead of nagging. I can remember a few convorsations like that in the past which were ignored as well, until she filed. If you wan't to get anywhere with your husband as far as him proving that he is committed and still cares, then you need to take a big stab at action. After all it's true that actions speak louder than words. Start small with just moving out for a month if you can, you really don't want to draw up legal papers unless you're 100% ready. Let him know that you won't be there when he comes back because you don't trust him and see if he works at proving you wrong. For right now all I can advise you is that you not draw up conclusions in your head. Your mind can write terrible endings to little nothings when you're upset so don't let this happen, ever! Leoc1973, Your reasoning sounds logical but is flawed from the ground up. Many good guys here have developed problems early on in their relationships from insecurity, to lack of affection, putting their exes on pedistools, and even complete lack of respect for themselves. Relationships are hard work and reconcilling is like hostage negotiations with your feelings being the hostages. Atleast we can rest assured that they people on this site have taken the first step at healing and possible reconcilliation.
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