cen Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 OK, I met this girl on an online dating site (she initiated the contact). I'm at a point now where I'm worried about coming on too strong, or that I've 'exposed' my feelings a bit too much/too soon... All of this takes place over the course of about 2 weeks. Date #1: went very well, I felt like we hit it off pretty quickly and I for one had no expectations so it was a pleasant surprise and ended with a bit of a makeout session. So we arranged for a 2nd date at the end of the 1st. Date #2: also went well, pretty much same deal and I was already developing those feelings for her. Date #3: I ended up meeting some of her friends who happened to be in town, wasn't the original plan but she checked with me beforehand if I would be alright with it - and I took it as a good sign she'd want me to meet friends that soon. At the end of this date I asked if she'd want to get together again, but I asked it in more of a "I really like you already, so do you actually really want to go out again, because if its just a maybe I don't want to get hurt" kind of way... sorry that's the best I can describe it. She said yes, but I could tell she was picking up on some of my anxiety. We addressed that a little later, and I told her that I'm really enjoying this/her and that basically she is a pretty special and unique girl that has been a rarity for me to come across. Again this date ended in a lot of making out and a little more, but nothing too heavy. I suggested meeting up the following week, she was busy the day I suggested but countered with a sooner date - to help her cook something at her place for a party... Date #4. By this date I'm half ripping myself apart in my head, worried and surprised about how interested I am becoming in this girl, nervous about messing it up or that I came on too strong with these feelings I'm having for her etc... So, She's had a headcold for a few days, as well as being busy with work and grad school, I check in earlier in the day to see how she's feeling and if we're still on. Initially she said she'd like to, but is feeling tired and overwhelmed with schoolwork so not sure - then 15 minutes later changes her mind and says lets do it. I go to her place, we have a great time talking/joking/flirting/drinking and I end up spending the night, and we slept together. She had to get up early the next morning for work, during the day we exchanged some texts but it was definitely more sparse than usual. We haven't yet addressed getting together again, most of the signs are pointing to good, but I'm not feeling an incredible sense of desire for me on her part ever since the end of the 3rd date? Do I pull back a bit and let her bring up meeting up again? Are these behaviors indicative of anything I'm missing? am I just being completely paranoid..
Imageiko Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I don't see why you don't set up another date at this point...
snug.bunny Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 We haven't yet addressed getting together again, most of the signs are pointing to good, but I'm not feeling an incredible sense of desire for me on her part ever since the end of the 3rd date? Do I pull back a bit and let her bring up meeting up again? Are these behaviors indicative of anything I'm missing? am I just being completely paranoid.. You slept together on your last date...How much more of a "sense of desire" on her part do you need exactly? Also, it would probably be in your best interest to demonstrate that you'd like to see her again after that, and arrange something, not just do the phone call thing.
Pierre Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 She had sex with you on the 4th date. The dating book says she is following the schedule quite well. I would be concerned if she had sex with you on the first date and she did not. Besides sleeping with you. What else is she supposed to do to show interest? Ah yes! You forgot the dreaded issue of exclusivity. How many other guys is she dating besides you? Are you also sleeping with other women?
Author cen Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 She had sex with you on the 4th date. The dating book says she is following the schedule quite well. I would be concerned if she had sex with you on the first date and she did not. Besides sleeping with you. What else is she supposed to do to show interest? Ah yes! You forgot the dreaded issue of exclusivity. How many other guys is she dating besides you? Are you also sleeping with other women? Yeah as far as I know I don't believe she's gone out with anyone else since at least our first or 2nd date - I haven't asked explicitly but I gathered it in a round about way. And no, I've not seen anybody else since our first date. I'm not in a rush to address the exclusivity part with her just yet, obviously this needs to brew a while longer. I think honestly I'm a little bit gun shy, its been quite a while since I've felt this interested in someone - I've dated a lot over the past year and its been fun, but usually I'm on the end of feeling more in control of everything. My last real relationship ended in a very difficult breakup, so... I'm over evaluating every little nuance, like amount of contact or types of messages etc...
Pierre Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Yeah as far as I know I don't believe she's gone out with anyone else since at least our first or 2nd date - I haven't asked explicitly but I gathered it in a round about way. And no, I've not seen anybody else since our first date. I'm not in a rush to address the exclusivity part with her just yet, obviously this needs to brew a while longer. I think honestly I'm a little bit gun shy, its been quite a while since I've felt this interested in someone - I've dated a lot over the past year and its been fun, but usually I'm on the end of feeling more in control of everything. My last real relationship ended in a very difficult breakup, so... I'm over evaluating every little nuance, like amount of contact or types of messages etc... Things are looking good. I am glad that you guys are not dating others. That can be a problem. I see nothing wrong by becoming a couple. What is the point of hiding how you feel about her? I bet she is also pretending not to like you. Are you guys into games? I was being sarcastic when I mentioned a set of rules. It must be awful to date in a mechanical fashion filtering rules that dictate not to show interest. That sort of system was created for insecure people that are afraid to be open and also afraid to be rejected. Once you start to sleep with her you should be exclusive.
blueskyday Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I think women like to see MORE interest from a guy after she sleeps with him. It creates security. I would call her up and make a date. Tell her you can't wait to see her. Assume all is well between you, and act accordingly, like you are in a fun, exclusive relationship. Treat her like you adore her, and you know she adores you. She slept with you. That's the best sign possible that you are on a forward path with each other!
snug.bunny Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I'm not in a rush to address the exclusivity part with her just yet, obviously this needs to brew a while longer. You're right. Plus, you don't want to scare her off. Maybe you should pull back and see what happens...
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