blastoise Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Hi there, my girlfriend of four months recently broke up with me about a month ago. We had our fair share of fights and disagreements during the relationship and I felt that we were making progress....though also we didn't see eye to eye on a few things. She can be very stubborn and wanting things her way, so I tried to make her understand but never seemed to work out. I always wanted to come to a mutual decision but that never turned out either. Anyways, we went back to being good friends and I had no contact with her for a while. When we caught up, she kept holding my hand, putting her arm around my waist etc. This happened a few other times, until the last time we caught up, which was seeing a movie together, in which I tried to hold her back and she just brushed me off, acted hot and cold. Then got angry when I stayed silent later on, because I felt my feelings coming up again and I was confused. That night I texted her asking if she wanted anything more and to please not touch me, and she said that she had touched me because she felt that was the way things were between us before our relationship happened. I said it was kind of disrespectful because should be wary of my feelings. She said she thought it was comfort and because we were close, and I told her that was because I was developing feelings for her back then, not because we were close. She also said in her text messages that I had come a long way, and wished that it was sooner and there were less arguments, but she guessed it was in the past. And that she was lucky to have shared that part of our life together, and that she wished she could feel as strong and sure as I did about her and I, but that time can change things. I asked her if she would ever want to try again in six months or a year's time, if we aligned and worked at it slowly. She said "not in the near future at the moment". Does that mean that she doesn't want to try again with me ever? Or is she waiting for me to be better in my own life and she's assessing that, then if she likes it she will try again? I still have feelings for her, and even if I moved on, we were always like family together and best friends, and I kind of want to try again and hope that we can and that it does work out. Her friends say that she is not ready for any relationship for quite a long time.
silly_panda Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Set boundaries and stand your ground... If she cross that line, tell her to back off... Four months into a relationship is not a very long time... She may have not develop the feeling of love towards you within that time... Sorry to say this man... She said she is not ready to work things with you again in the near future... That is exactly what she meant... I will have to tell you not to put any hope that you two may work it out in the future... Let things be and let it happen naturally... If you two are meant to be, you will be... Now... For yourself... If you feel that seeing her and being around her will hurt you more, then try to back off and go less contact or no contact with her... Until you are really ready... Don't wait... Don't wait around for her... Life is too short for you to wait around... I speak from experience... Focus on what makes you happy now and focus on your future... She will be yours if it is meant to... Good luck...
Author blastoise Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the swift response. It's been a few days since and as always, she seems to have cancelled on our planned trip to a botanic park for this weekend. She managed to do this in the space of a few hours on the last catchup we had. But she did this as friends and even during the relationship, and she said "No i'm sorry for constantly cancelling on you". I said, well if you can't commit to something then don't suggest the idea or lock it in, because cancelling all the time is getting annoying for me. To which she said "I can't give you definites about anything until the uni semester is over"....but then I always hear that she catches up with other friends even when she has assignments due. It always seems that she is using that as an excuse not to see me, maybe because now she feels that I still had feelings that she doesn't want to see me because of that, and will judge when I'm ready. What gives her the right to be like that to me? Anyways, she also got aggravated when I "seemed off", like I described in my first post, where I was angry. I didn't do that to her when we caught up for the first time the previous week, and she got angry and I just let her calm down and didn't approach or pester her about it. I told her about that last night too, and she didn't say anything back. And she keeps making jokes about her ego being too huge and everything, and I know that she's spoilt at home. I'm seriously finding less and less reasons to stay around as her friend. I'm giving her that respect as a friend, but she's giving me none back.
silly_panda Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Hmm... What gives her the right to do these things to you..? The answer is - you... You are allowing her to hurt you... You are allowing her to walk over you... You are allowing her to treat you like trash... You are allowing her to let you down... You are not allowing yourself to heal... Yes... You respect her as a friend... But does she gives you the same respect you deserve..? And honestly, for a friend to cancel plans with you is very normal and if you really take her as a friend, you would not feel this bad... Obviously you are not looking at her as just friend... You already had a taste of what you will get and how you will feel if you keep being around her and be her 'friend'... Is this something you really like doing..? If your answer is yes, then keep it up... In my humble opinion, I will not be around her or her friend until I'm really ready to do so... I don't wanna live my life in sorrow... I wanna be happy for myself... You already loss her, don't lose your self respect and dignity too...
Author blastoise Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks again for your response. Yeh I suppose in a way I am not ready, but she was doing the cancellation thing even when we were just friends. Yeh I suppose you have a point though in that it is normal. I was just talking to a mutual friend, and she said to see what happens when the university semester is over and see if she still keeps up the behaviour. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I want her and I to go back to close friends....she has said that she wants to go back to being good friends too....and its those aspects that I miss the most. So even if she is being grumpy when we do hang out, I'm supposed to accept that I suppose? Because she is a friend and nothing more, right...... So when I am healed and feel ready to go back how am I supposed to react? To just turn a blind eye to her grumpiness and general nature? I just want her to respect me as a friend and when I need my time (like when "i'm off"), to leave me alone.
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