LoveHurts88 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 So I tried to do NC but it couldn't just go through with it. It was just too hard but now it's been a day of NC because yesterday I asked her to do something and she said not today. This may be because she could be hanging around wit the other guy or her friends I don't know... I know either way I should let her go and start a NC but we spoke the other day and she said it is not me and it might be because she is not ready for a relationship.. Do I just forget about her and move on or do I just do NC so she knows what she wants. I know her she's a girl who can't decide on what she wants.. Most of you will say NC right?
geegirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 NC is not sitting around and waiting until she decides what she wants. NC is to heal and to move on. It helps you detach emotionally so that you get to a point where you're not affected by her anymore and you're able to move on with your life, feeling happy and indifferent to her, being able to open yourself to other opportunities. You can sit there and put your life on hold and count the days till she comes back or NC. When you have to sit around and wait for someone to want you or love you, don't you already have your answer?
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 NC is not sitting around and waiting until she decides what she wants. NC is to heal and to move on. It helps you detach emotionally so that you get to a point where you're not affected by her anymore and you're able to move on with your life, feeling happy and indifferent to her, being able to open yourself to other opportunities. You can sit there and put your life on hold and count the days till she comes back or NC. When you have to sit around and wait for someone to want you or love you, don't you already have your answer? I know what you mean I just don't know why I can't let this girl go.. It's so weird usually I don't get attatched this hard but I think I fell hard for her. I know for a fact that she's a confused girl and she does not know what she wants. She also said I am the only person that she can't let go off and that she misses me but she doesn't know if she's ready. I know I should let her go it just sucks. We'll it's been a day of NC and it's been super hard. Anything I should do? or ask her straight up?
geegirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 What do you want to ask her? She already said she is not ready for a relationship. It's such a clear statement. She may love you but just not enough to go any further. Aside from that, of course she is going to tell you she can't let you go. You're of some benefit to her. An ego stroke. A fallback. She may still enjoy your company, who you are as a person, etc. but not enough to commit herself to you. Just little things but not of substance to go any further. Trust me, when someone wants you, you won't have to go through all this. We all deserve someone who will reciprocate our feelings. Not someone who is not sure whether they want to invest in us or not. 1
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 What do you want to ask her? She already said she is not ready for a relationship. It's such a clear statement. She may love you but just not enough to go any further. Aside from that, of course she is going to tell you she can't let you go. You're of some benefit to her. An ego stroke. A fallback. She may still enjoy your company, who you are as a person, etc. but not enough to commit herself to you. Just little things but not of substance to go any further. Trust me, when someone wants you, you won't have to go through all this. We all deserve someone who will reciprocate our feelings. Not someone who is not sure whether they want to invest in us or not. Well I just want to let her know I won't be there for her cause im the back of her mind she think's I will always be back for her and therefore she has control over me and now I think i am stuck although I stopped talking to her for about a day now lol I know that doesn't mean anything but it's a start but I have a feeling she will msg me in a couple of days if not by tmr. And then what?
geegirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Well I just want to let her know I won't be there for her cause im the back of her mind she think's I will always be back for her and therefore she has control over me and now I think i am stuck although I stopped talking to her for about a day now lol I know that doesn't mean anything but it's a start but I have a feeling she will msg me in a couple of days if not by tmr. And then what? You want to tell her that because you want a reaction. Hoping you'll light a fire under her and she'll change her mind. If you want to tell her you won't be there, then disappear. If you don't want her to think she can always get you back, then disappear. If you really want to tell her that you need no contact so she knows the door is shut, then all you need to say, "I need to have no contact with you as I need to heal and move on with my life. Please respect my wishes." Done. You don't owe her anything. What you are trying to do sounds 1) provoking a response hoping she will change her mind 2) sounds bitter. Don't use NC to make her miss you, etc. Use NC because you want to move on and heal your heart.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 You want to tell her that because you want a reaction. Hoping you'll light a fire under her and she'll change her mind. If you want to tell her you won't be there, then disappear. If you don't want her to think she can always get you back, then disappear. If you really want to tell her that you need no contact so she knows the door is shut, then all you need to say, "I need to have no contact with you as I need to heal and move on with my life. Please respect my wishes." Done. You don't owe her anything. What you are trying to do sounds 1) provoking a response hoping she will change her mind 2) sounds bitter. Don't use NC to make her miss you, etc. Use NC because you want to move on and heal your heart. I guess I am using NC to get her to miss me. Self-fish of me? Cause it just sucks losing someone I guess but I guess she's not worth it. I guess I should try NC it's been a day now i'll see what's going on by tmr? I doubt she'll msg me. Sometimes I get the feeling that she misses me and sometimes I just dont know what she wants cause she will msg me at like2 am or something.
geegirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) I guess I am using NC to get her to miss me. Self-fish of me? Cause it just sucks losing someone I guess but I guess she's not worth it. I guess I should try NC it's been a day now i'll see what's going on by tmr? I doubt she'll msg me. Sometimes I get the feeling that she misses me and sometimes I just dont know what she wants cause she will msg me at like2 am or something. It's not selfish using NC to make her miss you. Your reasoning for NC is because you have hope and you are in denial. You hope she will feel a loss and you are in denial that she is not choosing you. Even is she messages you, she does not want a relationship. She contacts you because you're there as her fallback. As her security blanket. She may miss you but not enough to miss you to want you in her life full time. If someone wants you they don't text you at 2am. They don't leave you hanging. They don't tell you they are not ready to commit to you. A man who pines and waits on a woman is not attractive. You are being her doormat. If you want any chance at her getting her head right, go NC. Let her begin to think and wonder about you. Being there for her when she snaps her fingers does not allow her to miss you or realize what she is losing. If you NC and put yourself first versus being a doormat, you heal yourself and remove yourself from a yo-yo situation and if she comes back when you have mental clarity, you are able to make wise decisions for yourself and if she doesn't come back, you will be well on your way to a healthier and happier you. If someone wants to be with you they will show you. Don't fall for crumbs. If you do, you will be posting about breaking NC and feeling like crap over and over again. Edited October 2, 2011 by geegirl
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 It's not selfish using NC to make her miss you. Your reasoning for NC is because you have hope and you are in denial. You hope she will feel a loss and you are in denial that she is not choosing you. Even is she messages you, she does not want a relationship. She contacts you because you're there as her fallback. As her security blanket. She may miss you but not enough to miss you to want you in her life full time. If someone wants you they don't text you at 2am. They don't leave you hanging. They don't tell you they are not ready to commit to you. A man who pines and waits on a woman is not attractive. You are being her doormat. If you want any chance at her getting her head right, go NC. Let her begin to think and wonder about you. Being there for her when she snaps her fingers does not allow her to miss you or realize what she is losing. If you NC and put yourself first versus being a doormat, you heal yourself and remove yourself from a yo-yo situation and if she comes back when you have mental clarity, you are able to make wise decisions for yourself and if she doesn't come back, you will be well on your way to a healthier and happier you. If someone wants to be with you they will show you. Don't fall for crumbs. If you do, you will be posting about breaking NC and feeling like crap over and over again. I know what you mean it's just so hard to let someone you love go. I guess I should go NC since she hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. I don't want to be a doormat. I don't wanna be just an option knowing that she thinks I will always be around because I love her. It's sad I know I guess my only options is to go NC. Do I tell her we shouldn't talk or be friends or do I just leave it as is since we didn't haven't spoke to each other for a day or longer already?
geegirl Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) I know what you mean it's just so hard to let someone you love go. I guess I should go NC since she hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. I don't want to be a doormat. I don't wanna be just an option knowing that she thinks I will always be around because I love her. It's sad I know I guess my only options is to go NC. Do I tell her we shouldn't talk or be friends or do I just leave it as is since we didn't haven't spoke to each other for a day or longer already? It is hard to let someone you love go. You're letting go of your hopes and dreams. You are literally experiencing a death in you life. It will be hard to NC but what are your choices? Please do not be her doormat. Most will tell you to just go NC. You have two choice. When you go silent, she will sense you being gone and will then reach out. Then you will wrestle with whether you should respond i.e. I am being rude, maybe she has changed her mind, if I don't answer will it spoil my chances in the future to reconcile...and that derails you from focusing on NC. If you can say 110% that you will not cave when she reaches out, then go strict NC. If you send her a short quick note, that tells her your terms and that she should respect it. If she contacts you and you do not reply, she understands why as you explained the situation and it is her problem and she has no right to cross that boundary. This will not play on your mind and you step away knowing you were clear. If she does not contact you, she is respecting your decision and caring for you enough to let you heal. She does not want to be with you. She has to suffer the consequences of losing you from her life and that means you moving on and healing from your hurt and your loss. She can't have it all. That would be selfish. Edited October 2, 2011 by geegirl
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