Buttercup84 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Some of you may know what my story is. I was with my ex for almost two years and we lived together. He ended things end of July and while he was ' nice ' about it , I found out that he signed up for a dating site while we were still together.Telling his friend that he should have done it ages ago , and his friend spoke badly about me. I am so torn. I feel like the way he treated me is my fault as I was cold when we first met but I changed after a few weeks and was really good to him. He scared me a bit , ignored me and kept telling me that I made him that way. But then he was so sweet , buying me presents and saying he wants me to be happy and is sorry for breaking up with me and hurting me. My selfesteem is gone , I miss him so much and still love him. Despite the crap he did to me. I told my mum all about what he was really like and she can't believe I stayed with him and still love him. The last few months were the worst , I am so emotionaly drained. I went on anti depressants and will be going into thearapy soon. Why am I still pining afte a man who made me feel this way ? I just look at the good things and blame myself. I feel like there is something mentally wrong with me for still loving him. I need to detach myself from him for my own good
Kageytn Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I'm sorry you are hurting so much. You are trying so hard to pull yourself out of this pit and having so much difficulty. I am not wise but I'll tell you what I think. You are looking for him to fill your emotional void instead of looking at yourself to fill it. Keeping your focus on him gives you an excuse not to focus on you. Imagine for a moment if you took all the energy you have spent on him and put it on you. Scary isn't it? I bet, deep down, you think you don't deserve that energy. I imagine that void starts getting bigger at night and when you alone and you get panicky and start thinking about him. Stop. Use imagery, pray, chant, watch law and order but stop thinking about him-about the relationship-about your supposed weakness. It's hard but you can do it. Buttercup, you are awesome. You gave him your power and it's time to take it back. You are a woman of integrity and value. You are powerful. Stomp him. It's a battle every day but you can do it.
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I wonder the same thing about my EX but I don't think there is really anything wrong with us. The problem is we care for them more than they care for us.
mike588 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I wonder the same thing about my EX but I don't think there is really anything wrong with us. The problem is we care for them more than they care for us. Ohhhh you are so right! I cared for her so much more than she cared for me,,, that's why she dumped me.
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 There is nothing wrong with you. I don't know why we love the ones that we do. What I do know is that I have seen truly happy couples, so I believe that two people can share the same amount of love for each other. It does happen, but I (and you) are only one part of that equation. Unfortunately, the man I wanted to reciprocate that with failed to do so. When I love, I give 110%. I don't fall for just anyone. So, it's heart-wrenching to waste that love on someone undeserving. I keep thinking that I must be going through all this BS for a reason. Maybe so that when I meet someone better, that I realize it and appreciate it more. I know it will happen for me and for you
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 There is nothing wrong with you. I don't know why we love the ones that we do. What I do know is that I have seen truly happy couples, so I believe that two people can share the same amount of love for each other. It does happen, but I (and you) are only one part of that equation. Unfortunately, the man I wanted to reciprocate that with failed to do so. When I love, I give 110%. I don't fall for just anyone. So, it's heart-wrenching to waste that love on someone undeserving. I keep thinking that I must be going through all this BS for a reason. Maybe so that when I meet someone better, that I realize it and appreciate it more. I know it will happen for me and for you I have battled the thought that maybe I deserved the way I was treated. But I know that isn't true, I had to walk away from almost everyone I know. But I now am stronger to some extent. But I still have the question WHY. I have no desire to go out and meet people I just want to stay in and that is NOT my personality. I look forward to the day I don't go to be thinking about it or wake up to it. I feel beat down and betrayed but I have had other people come into my life that I truly enjoy spending time with and they enjoy my company. New friends, and hopefully soon I will have a new gal as well.
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I have battled the thought that maybe I deserved the way I was treated. But I know that isn't true, I had to walk away from almost everyone I know. But I now am stronger to some extent. But I still have the question WHY. I have no desire to go out and meet people I just want to stay in and that is NOT my personality. I look forward to the day I don't go to be thinking about it or wake up to it. I feel beat down and betrayed but I have had other people come into my life that I truly enjoy spending time with and they enjoy my company. New friends, and hopefully soon I will have a new gal as well. Umm, given that you're even willing to say that "maybe you deserved it" tells me that you didn't. Jerks rarely realize they are jerks... and when they do, the surely don't admit to it!
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Umm, given that you're even willing to say that "maybe you deserved it" tells me that you didn't. Jerks rarely realize they are jerks... and when they do, the surely don't admit to it! My ex to a T, I just struggle with it cause I have a soul. I am just trying to get my motivation back. I just can't seem to get my brain focused, it just eats me alive.....
redblack66 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I'm sorry you are hurting so much. You are trying so hard to pull yourself out of this pit and having so much difficulty. I am not wise but I'll tell you what I think. You are looking for him to fill your emotional void instead of looking at yourself to fill it. Keeping your focus on him gives you an excuse not to focus on you. Imagine for a moment if you took all the energy you have spent on him and put it on you. Scary isn't it? I bet, deep down, you think you don't deserve that energy. I imagine that void starts getting bigger at night and when you alone and you get panicky and start thinking about him. Stop. Use imagery, pray, chant, watch law and order but stop thinking about him-about the relationship-about your supposed weakness. It's hard but you can do it. Buttercup, you are awesome. You gave him your power and it's time to take it back. You are a woman of integrity and value. You are powerful. Stomp him. It's a battle every day but you can do it. This is one of the most insightful posts I have seen.
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 My ex to a T, I just struggle with it cause I have a soul. I am just trying to get my motivation back. I just can't seem to get my brain focused, it just eats me alive..... You struggle because you care. And you want to make sense of it. In order to make sense of it, some people deflect the blame onto others and some direct it inward. It will never make sense though. Leave the blame on the ground and walk away. I struggle with leaving it like that too. Seems so strange to not get any real answers.
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You struggle because you care. And you want to make sense of it. In order to make sense of it, some people deflect the blame onto others and some direct it inward. It will never make sense though. Leave the blame on the ground and walk away. I struggle with leaving it like that too. Seems so strange to not get any real answers. I can handle not getting answers it just wonder how someone can be so careless with another persons emotions. I wish I could put it all into a box and never think about it again. I truly believe people with depth will always internalize things since blaming someone else is nothing more than a BS excuse to justify ones actions.
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I truly believe people with depth will always internalize things since blaming someone else is nothing more than a BS excuse to justify ones actions. true story. You seem like a nice guy! I am looking forward to meeting a man with depth. Someone that really cares and, even if they don't understand all of it, still respects human emotion. I like coming on here and reading what some guys write. I say to myself, "they DO exist!"
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 ScienceGal, i pride myself in NOT being an empty bucket. I also like to see there are LADIES out there that are single. But it truly seems difficult to meet a gal. If you are confident to just go talk to everyone then you get labeled a player. If you sit around and wait it will never come to you, kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't.
Mack05 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You are looking for him to fill your emotional void instead of looking at yourself to fill it. Keeping your focus on him gives you an excuse not to focus on you. Imagine for a moment if you took all the energy you have spent on him and put it on you. Scary isn't it? I bet, deep down, you think you don't deserve that energy. I imagine that void starts getting bigger at night and when you alone and you get panicky and start thinking about him. Stop. Use imagery, pray, chant, watch law and order but stop thinking about him-about the relationship-about your supposed weakness. It's hard but you can do it. Buttercup, you are awesome. You gave him your power and it's time to take it back. You are a woman of integrity and value. You are powerful. Stomp him. It's a battle every day but you can do it. This is a great reply and is right on the money..
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