it hurts...bad/abusive/cheating ex

[loveless17]

Where to start....I was with this guy whom I loved for 5 years we broke up and I took time for myself.

Now I am not a bad looking girl I've been voted hottest bartender of W. I'm smart 4.0 GPA I work hard and independent I never ask my family for money not even for school or to go out I even pay rent! I have always had a boyfriend never single. So Please explain this to me..

 

I was on my way to school one day taking the bus after working a 13 hr shift at work I was really tired and I was knocking out on the bus because i had only gotten two hrs of sleep. But then this guy got on the bus and bang it was like cupid struck me hard. I looked at him and couldnt help but stare. He didnt even notice me (Well good thing cause I was dressed like S*&%T) He sat in the seat across from me talking to an old man who was asking him for help. He looked like wow he had the body only a god could have . He was smiling but every time I closed my eyes to nap he would cough loudly and it started to piss me off. Until we got on campus we both got off and we went our separate ways. I would wish every day to see him on the bus for a chance to speak to him but it never happened again. I started forgetting about him.

Until one day my club held a soccer event he showed up. I saw him again and I had an excuse to speak to him since it was my event. He said he was only watching and he left right after that, I didn't think I would see him again until faith gave me one chance.

 

My class got cancelled and my friend Tom asked me to meet him in the cafeteria so we could get lunch together. I didn't wanna go but for some reason I found myself walking to meet him and sitting at the table was him (along with other guys) As I approached the table the guys all tried to get my attention they had seen my facebook picture thanks to Tom. They started getting really annoying and the guy I liked told them to shut up and then he apologized to me.

From that day on me and him were inseparable we texted 25/8 he even came to my bar just to see me (he lived two towns away)it was like we were ment to be.

 

The day he asked me out was the happiest day of my life. He even saved the ticket stub from the first movie we watched.

 

Now as we got more serious things started changing. When ever we saw anybody that he knew he would push me away he kept me a secret from his family but my family had to meet him (which pissed me off at first but with time I got over it) and then he took my virginity and the next day he broke up with me over text.

 

I was heartbroken cause I wanted to save myself for my husband but after the guy of 5yrs broke up w me because of sex. I gave it up to him because I loved him.

 

After a week I we bumped into each other on campus (at this time it was summer) he was with another girl who was wearing his shirt that I bought him for our 2months and seeing that made me cry I couldnt help it. That same night my mom told me how she wanted to move and I was free to stay here and finish school. I was destroyed I called him and asked to see him which he at first was hesitant but after hearing what was happening with my family he said ok ill see you and we meet and we got back together.

 

But things got worst he wanted me to stop smoking and drinking and demanded I quit my job. I got mad but I agreed to it. He even started telling me who I could talk to and not. It got so bad that I started realizing that he wasnt the same any more and I decided to confront him he told me about how when we broke up he slept with another girl and how he still talked to her so I broke up with him.

 

Another month passed and I got my old job back and started working on campus as an Advisor. I started dating again I was living my life to the fullest. One day during a very important meeting he called me telling me his mom was in the hospital I dropped everything and ran to get him food and see him. When I got there he hugged me and kissed me and it was like the break up never happened. We started again he said he would change and he did. He got sweet again and he started trying. But when my ex of 5yrs came around (we were best friends still) He asked me to stop talking to him and I did for us.

 

We even went on a very romantic date (it was the first time since we became official). Things got good I was happy with him I even decided to get on birth control but during the check up they told me I might have breast cancer and needed to get surgery. when I told him it didn't phase him but it didn't matter till I got surgery I asked him to come but he said he was busy that day and I didn't care... or so I told myself.

 

After I got healed Tom asked me to go to the pool hall with him and friends. I went to have fun and I saw the girl that my bf had slept with. She was wearing the necklace I gave him. After a few beers my bf and me started being all lovey dovey and everybody kept saying how perfect we were. But it didn't last too long till I asked her why was she wearing that necklace and her response broke my heart "my boyfriend gave it to me" I left the pool house to avoid the scene with out saying a word.

 

I texted him that i hated him because I couldn't believe he would cheat on me. He called me a bitch and I told him to meet me. He did from then I can spare you the details.

 

After a week his best friend my co worker started talking about work and he brought up my ex. He told me how my ex was cheating on me with 2 other girls other than the one from the pool house. I didnt want to believe him untill I had more proof. I should have left it there but I didnt.

my co worker was telling me the truth.

 

Now I hate him but I love him at the same time. How can I forget him I thought it was bad between me and my ex of 5yrs but nothing hurts more than now . I wanna forget him and its been a month but when I see him on campus it hurts my heart stops beating my knees get weak and if I dont walk away fast I start to cry.

 

Now guys ask me out and ive gone on dates with some but it doesnt help. I miss him so much and I'm scared I will give him another chance if he asked me

out again which is what hes planning to do according to my co worker I wanna be strong but I cant Help please. He was a horrible boyfriend but I still miss him please advice

[Kilty]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

Best thing for now is to read over and over and over again what you have posted - then ask yourself why the fook would you want him back ??

 

Then if still in doubt ask a close relative to hold you and shake you about for roughly an hour to see if that helps.

 

Seriously though - you hear thousands of stories of women in these sort of relationships that take their man back time and time again.

 

No matter how much the betrayal, abuse, unhappiness, misery, humilation or degredation they take them back.

 

Trust me - what you are feeling for this guy is not "love"

 

You think it is but i can assure you it is not.

 

What happens is some guys (and i'd like to know how they do it) are able to cast some sort of spell over women - and not all of them are good looking either.

 

Clearly there is something in certain female's make up that allow's this.

 

Low self esteem plays a big part.

 

Usually it is down to mental torture and years of psychological abuse where the woman is beaten down to a point of complete worthlessness and she thinks she cant get anything better.

 

What you really need honey is to get some self respect , a bit of pride about yourself and distance yourself from this guy as soon as you can.

 

I realise this is not what you want to hear but it is for your best.

 

You are clearly a good looking girl who does not want for admirers.

 

Give some decent guys a chance - guys that will not mistreat you - and move on

[mike588]

I'm just so surprised that you and or other women focused on a guy saving the movie ticket.

 

I saved all of ours,, guess it didn't mean anything to her,, then got dumped for her ex. who never did anything like that.

 

Long story that I won't get into,,,, just nice to hear.

[antz2411]

move on. that is what a person with a 4.0 GPA would do

[Buttercup84]

Lovless , your story is a bit like mine ( thank you Kilty for showing me this ) my ex was all nice at first but held so many grudges against me.

 

He stop introducing me to people , didn't take me out as he was embaressed about me not finishing my meals , spent all weekend playing computer games while I did the cleaning and cooking.

 

He joined a dating site while we were together and I think he had it on standby for two years.

 

When I was sick he got annoyed and I remember when I was sick with tonciitis and glanduar fever and he got upset with me when I wanted to stay home from work , he thought I would lose money and we couldn't pay rent. I got half what he got in wages , yet he couldn't let me stay home for a freaking day. So I dragged myself to work and went straight to bed when I got home.My drs reaction when he saw my throat was " **** ! " so if a doctor says **** when they check you out , you know you are pretty ill.

 

I couldn't get sick because it annoyed him , at one point he said I should maybe go to my parents so they can look after me better.When I lay in bed he would go and play games and said he did it to give me rest.

 

I am so sorry about you surgey and hope you are Ok now. Please keep your grades up too ! He is a low life emotionaly abusive dickhole.

 

I still miss my ex most of the time , stupid isn't it ? you are stunning and smart , that is a great package ! screw him.