asianpartyboy Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 Hi, Will writing this to my ex help me move on? Is it better not to write? Or wait a bit longer? My story: broke up after a year and half. No contact for 2 days. 2 days ago, I asked her, "do you still love me?" she said "no", and I asked her, "do you think we will have a second chance?" she said "no." I said "I hate you" at the end.... My mistake: loving her too much??? Any editing advice appreciated too. ======================== I was unfair to you by assuming you love someone else. Forgive me. I don't feel weak for writing to you, even though I broke my own promise. I want to be kind to myself, and I know I am strong. I write for two reasons: one because I don't want you to think I am still angry at you. I accept the breakup, and I also accept the timing of it. You are a good person, so am I. Both of us are stronger and more mature now. And I think that's very positive. I am sure both of us will know better in the future and not to take anyone for granted. I will know better by having a good life of my own, at the same time love her with all my heart. The other reason is because I still got feelings for you. And I want to make sure you understand the situation so that you can feel better(because I still care about you). I don't want to deny my feelings. It takes time. I am sure eventually I will be able to forget about the feelings and only remember the good times we had together. And I am sure one day I will find a special someone who will love me as much as you did one time. I am hopeful that true love will find a way. I am sorry for making you think about us again. I hope you understand and see that I don't want to hurt you and that my anger was long gone. And I know it's over between us, I am sorry for that. Thank you for your time reading this. ======================= Thanks!
sportsloving Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 It is a very lovely letter. If I was you, I would explain that you said that you hated her for whatever reason (assuming it was anger, hurt and confusion). If you feel that this is truly how you feel now, that you can go on, then go ahead and send her the letter. If you are hoping it makes her realize what a wonderful guy you are, and are hoping this is a step to getting back together ... I would hold off sending it until you can do without expecting anything in return. best of luck to you
Author asianpartyboy Posted May 14, 2004 Author Posted May 14, 2004 no, i still hope to be with her. ****, I am so weak.
sportsloving Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 That doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. I would hold off sending it til you really mean what you wrote and are not expecting anything in return.
sweetadeline Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 asianpartyboy: don't beat yourself up for being weak. let me see, you guys were together for a year and a half, you only recently broke up, and you're mad at yourself for still wanting to be with her?! give yourself some time to heal before you start putting yourself down too bad. for what it's worth, i also wrote a letter to my ex after he dumped me (six weeks ago--short but serious relationship). i started writing it right away but wasn't sure whether or not to send it for exactly the reason you mention. i was afraid that i was sending it b/c i wanted to change his mind, and that i would be heartbroken all over again when that didn't happen. i think i am finally ready to send it now, six weeks later. a small part of me still hopes that he will change his mind. but i also think that by now, i realize that won't happen, and for that reason, the letter is also a way for me to get some kind of closure. a lot of times, relationships end badly or don't officially end at all--he and i never really said goodbye-and a letter can be a way for you to say the things you didn't get to say in the heat of the moment. anyway, i guess i'm trying to say a couple of things. one, just because you wrote the letter now doesn't mean that you need to send it now. for me, keeping the letter and amending it every so often was a way for me to process the pain while also protecting myself from further disappointment. so consider giving yourself a time limit--say, two or three weeks. if you still want to send the letter then, and if you feel ready to handle the renewed sadness that you might feel if you don't hear back from her, then send it. but do it for you, because you want to get closure and/or say that last goodbye. hope this ramblin' missive helps. hang in there. there are other people out there who know how much this hurts. sweetadeline
Chibaby Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 Asianpartyboy, From a fellow asain partier...(well, hapa) I would really suggest you wait before you send the letter, or better yet, don't send it at all. I know you want to rush out and share your feelings, show her that she's missing out on a good thing, as well you should. But based on my experience, after I wrote a letter similar to your to an ex, I felt worse later on, and I wish I could've taken it back. I had put so much time and heart into writing the letter, because he meant so much to me, and he read it basically with abundant indifference. That hurt so much, especially after I was convinced the letter would change his mind about things, or at least make him think twice. A few years later, I looked back on a copy of the letter I sent, and realized that it was a waste of time to pour my heart out for someone who was so indifferent to it. Although it was a beautiful letter, I wished I could give it to someone who would appricate it. My advice, keep the letter for yourself. Maybe someday you might be like me and look back on it thinking, 'this was so silly. thank god I didn't give this away and kept it to myself." Walk out of the relationship gracefully with your head held high and don't look back until she's been left in the dust.
Author asianpartyboy Posted May 14, 2004 Author Posted May 14, 2004 I know it's a waste of time right now. But I know I hurt her by saying "I hate you" at the end. I am always like that, "speaks my mind." I know she is grieving as well, and I want to make her understand my anger, and my acceptance of the breakup. She is a good girl, but I got mad because she said all the breakups end peacefully. I wanted to prove her wrong by saying "I hate you".
Author asianpartyboy Posted May 16, 2004 Author Posted May 16, 2004 How about this version? ------------------------------- I was unfair to you by assuming you love someone else. Forgive me. I don't know why I decided to write to you all of sudden(but I don't feel weak for writing to you). I finally realize that not everything needs a reason. I am sorry for making you think about us again. I hope you understand and see that I don't want to hurt you and that my anger was long gone. I guess what I really want is to make you feel better; I don't want you to feel hurt anymore. I still care about you. And I don't want to deny my feelings. It takes time. I accept the breakup, and I also accept the timing of it. You are a good person, so am I. I don't want you to think that I am still angry at you. Both of us are stronger and more mature now. I am sure we will know better in the future and not to take anyone for granted. I will know better by having a good life of my own, at the same time love her with all my heart. I know it's over between us, I am sorry for that. Thank you for your time reading this, X. -- P.S., You don't have to write back. I understand.
Recommended Posts