jcrod311 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 So as you can probably guess from the title, I am/was in a long distance relationship that was a little over a year long. About three weeks ago my girlfriend said she wanted a break. Our relationship had hit a rocky point before she asked, i.e. lots of arguing, etc. We kept having problems related to Facebook, which sucks because it's got damn Facebook. Anyway, during this break she said that we are both free to see and sleep with other people and then at a future date we can re-evaluate things. In fact I just found out she's already seeing a new guy. The weird thing is, she wants to keep contact with me through our usual avenues (phone, IM, Facebook, video chatting). Here's my concern with that though... I feel like she'd get the best of both worlds if I do that, which isn't fair to me. I also feel like if I stay in the picture she's not really going to know what it's truly like to be without me. I've brought this up with her and she got pretty emotional, saying I wasn't being fair to completely cut her off. I guess I'm just confused with the whole situation. Am I making the right move by going to limited/no contact or will this just hurt any chance of reconciliation. Is it unusual to have a break where you're seeing and sleeping with other people? I only ask because this is the first time I've gone through this. I talked with my friend and he said I should just treat this as a break up because that's what it looks like to him. Anyone else feel that way?
Kilty Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Can you give a wee bit more insight into the LDR ? Were you together & one of you moved away - or did you meet somewhere and have kept in touch - and how long is the distance & how often do you see each other ? Will maybe give a better perspective on her actions
Author jcrod311 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Can you give a wee bit more insight into the LDR ? Were you together & one of you moved away - or did you meet somewhere and have kept in touch - and how long is the distance & how often do you see each other ? Will maybe give a better perspective on her actions We met online and were basically friends for a year, then decided to meet in person. We hit it off and decided to start a relationship. We live almost on opposite coasts of the U.S. (not quite). We would meet every 3 months, although I started offering to met her every month to a month and a half a few months before she asked for the break.
Kilty Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Ok She is being completely unfair and you have to break contact - otherwise it's best to let someone tie you upside down and hit your bare feet with a stick 50 times a day - cos thats what its going to feel like if you dont. She wants to remain friends to ease her conscience She is with someone else, wants to sleep with other people and finds it unfair that you are not ok with that ? How considerate of her. Not only that but she is using you as a safety net - in case the new relationship doesnt work out. Can you see that ? You asked if it's unusual to have a break where you are seeing and sleeping with other people - well yeah it is because when that happens the relationship is over. Sorry to say it as i know its not what you want to hear but your friend is right. It's best if you tell this girl that she is not on and you break contact - and do not go back on it as she will not only think you are playing a game - but also that she can basically do what she likes and you are always going to be there for her - even tho its an LDR If she thinks it's "completely unfair" for you to cut her off then she has no consideration for your feelings and/or that because of the distance thing you can remain friends However that is negated as you were meeting her quite regularly for an LDR. If she was having problems with the distance she should have came out and talked to you about it - and if there was no chance of anything permanent then she could have went with someone else - but it appears she didnt. You also have to ask yourself too whether you were willing to relocate in the future or to have her move to you as this could be part of the problem.
Author jcrod311 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Kilty, Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it! It sucks to hear two people say basically the same thing, that's it's over She said the main reason she needed a break was because of the distance thing. She claims if we lived in the same town then none of our problems would exist, which I am highly skeptical about. As to your safety net point, I actually thought that as well and questioned her about it when she proposed the break. She claims that she still loves me and even though she'll date other guys she, has no intention of getting into a relationship. She said she just needs physical intimacy and she can't get as much as she needs due to the distance. I have thought about moving to where she lives but it would be a huge risk. All my friends and family live in my state so I would be leaving that all behind for her. Additionally most of our major problems started after she started her new job and received tons and tons of attention from men. I fear she's starting to like the attention from all these guys and maybe being with me just doesn't excite her anymore. If I knew for sure it was the distance thing, I would be more willing to move. She's in school so she's not even willing to entertain the idea of moving here. She told me she would love for me to move to where she is but she is also hesitant because she would feel bad if I moved out there for her and it didn't work out.
Kilty Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Yeah run like the wind buddy and dont ever look back. This girl is full of contradictions and BS Sorry to say it but she sounds like a bit of a tramp as well to be honest. Maybe i'm being unfair but from how you describe her thats how she comes across. Usually I wouldnt be too sceptical about the distance thing but in her case i would be. You would probably move there and she'd cheat on you within a month or two. It also looks as if she bases her relationships on sex - which is what you would normally expect from a guy. If you "love" someone you do not sleep around with any tom dick or harry at the same time See it ? Dont worry about it though. Chin up and move on You will meet someone more worthy who will only want to be with you and nobody else
silly_panda Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 She loves you but she just need some physical intimacy..? So she get those from another guy..? That's a joke..? She hungry for d*ck..? Sorry to say this man... It just sounds like that... I too just got out of a LDR... These kinda relationship really need both parties to be mentally and emotionally mature for it to really work out... Any one party could feel lonely easily and a third party could easily get involve... I think for your case and also mine, the big problem will be physical contact... You can't really give that to her... Physical contact is very important for bonding... A simple hug or kiss works better than you telling her 'i love you' ten times... Guys around her could easily take advantage on this... Just like Kilty said, run... The problem with your relationship now is not distance... Is that she wanted physical contact...
Author jcrod311 Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Definitely agree with the thing about mindsets in LDRs. This was my first and last LDR, there's just too much added strain that comes with them. She does sound like she wants to be very promiscuous, which is a complete 180 of the girl I fell in love with. Very sweet, simple, and a "good girl" I guess you could say. Not to say that a promiscuous girl is someone bad, just not for me. Since I've gone NC, she hasn't bothered to even try to contact me. I guess her new life must be really fun. A shame I was so easy to get over.
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