NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Hi guys. I was thinking of sending my ex a letter. We're in another country now, and we hear each other every day on the phone, and every day we fight. So I thought of sending him a letter. What do you guys think of this? " Hey. Since we always fight when we're on the phone - which is actually quite logical - I think it's a good idea to send you an e-mail instead, so I can tell you what I need to say. I think that in our situation this is probably healthier. If we then hear each other on the phone, then we can try not to fight. I know you expect me to 'get over' everything that happened. But like I said, I can't do that right now. At this time, I don't have a reason to just get over it - except for the fact that it would be nice to clear my head of all these toughts. You told me I'm the only one. That I'm your true love. That you'll do anything to give us one more chance. And I would love to believe you. You know I haven't forgotten about you yet. But things are complicated now. Like I said, I need to see that you're willing to do the big things as well as the little things so we might have a chance to make it work between us. The big things I will only see in a couple of weeks, but the little things... The fact that yesterday you didn't take your phone/didn't pick up your phone, AND you ran into the matrass... Can you understand that I'm very sensitive to something like that? How do I know that you really ignored her? That she didn't come to you? That you guys didn't look at each other? What were you thinking when you saw her?... When you'll be here you'll be in a new environment, not around that slut anymore, it might be easier to think about a possible second chance. These four weeks are a long time, and they are four weeks in which I don't know what you're doing, if you're seeing her or not... I'm happy that you told me that you ran into her, and I hope that you're telling the truth when you say you ignored her. But I'll never know... Four weeks are a long time, whatever you say. Especially if you're in (our hometown) during that time. I want to work on my jealous streak, especially for myself. Because I don't like being like that. I always told you that. My self-confidence is also growing, even though at times I still have a hard time with that. Things like that don't just happen overnight. And to be honest, I know I don't have any reason to be jealous of her. In the end she's a 20 year old child who spreads her legs for any guy that comes her way. It's quite sad really. And I know that I can at least walk tall, knowing I will never have a reputation like that and people respect me. I know that you've done almost everything I've asked you to do since you told me you want me back. Thank you for that. That means a lot to me. I hope one day I can trust you, I can trust in us, and that one day we can leave the past behind us. Come to me as quickly as you can. Come, so we can see each other, and really talk, really understand each other. You have always been my love, my best friend, my rock. "
Nsweet Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Dear god don't send that! It's harsh beyond all belief and will just piss him off more than ever. What is it you are trying to accomplish in your email? You want him to appologize, feel even less in love with you, comfort you, belittle him, or keep him as a friend? You can not send this letter if you want him back!
Author NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 OH I didn't see it like that? Why do you think it is so harsh?? please explain!!!! (so glad I didn't just send it )
Nsweet Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Would you rather I break it down piece by piece or re-edit it for you?
Author NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Haha, whatever you feel like :-) THANK YOU!!!!
Nsweet Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Here is a condinced, all be it eerily similar second chance letter to the one I first used with my wife. If you want to change anything please try not to deviate from this message and keep it as ahort as possible, and post it here if you need help. Try to get this sent off aspa and then wait for up to a month for a response. Hey X, I just wanted to thank you for allowing me the time I needed for myself to work on my issues. I understand now why we couln't be and have learned to accept this. I am so sorry for how jealous and controlling I got about you-know-who. I trust you and had no reason to act like that, I must have made you so angry about that. In time I hope we can can learn to be friendly. I don't want to ever fight with you again. I wish you luck in whatever life brings you. Me
Nsweet Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Oh its no problem dear, I live and breathe self help and relationship books. I absolutely love helping out others when I can. I could send you some ebooks later or just paraphrase on here. Either way you would need a collected wisdom to help yourself to the fullest.
Author NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Thanks dude!! I think that's a really good letter actually. The thing is: I'm not asking for a second chance. He is. He is the one that dumped me. I moved to another country two weeks ago, and he's coming after me in 4 weeks... I did actually have a reason to be jealous about her: he slept with her immediately after he broke up with me (well, he waited about 3 days...)...
Nsweet Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Everywhere I read about that said it was a good sign. He was trying to heal himself from the breakup, and while I don't agree with the way he wen't about it. It's still a positive sign because most often people look for clones of their ex to get over them. I'm willing ot bet their relationship won't even last a month or two after the attraction wears off and the two uncompatable people see eachother for who they really are. While technically the two of you were not together some part of you wants hims back, why else you be writing him letters telling him this and keeping up communication? Your basic tools of getting over infadelity are No Contact, understanding, and acceptance of this. You cannot get over the sting of this unless you accept that you were as equally responsible for things as he was. I know I had to accept that my own jealousy and control issues led to the breakup even though they were justafibly directed at a friend that attempted to seduce her. In my wife's mind at the time, she was 100% correct that I was causing problems. Take this time off for yourself to heal and improve yourself, date around a little by absolutely no sex-even if it seems right you do not want to sink to that level, and come out of this with a more "just F**k it" type outlook on things. Then and only then can you make a clear and level headed decision about this. Right now you will be subject to hot and cold days for a good long while until you heal.
Author NordicStripes Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 I think i have blown it. Just as i wanted to give him another chance...
Nsweet Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You might be surprised how many chances you can get in a second chance, provided you can give the other person value from communication with you. Did I mention that I went through two divorce papers, three NC periods, sent one carefully crafted second chance letter, read an extremely noble appology letter, and went through four heavy arguments before now. I never gave up hope and don't plan on it any time soon. Now things have gotten a lot better but only because I refused to let my ex get me down and you shouldn't either. If you believe your ex is the one for you and you work tirelessly on yourself and on your outlook, good things are destined to happen. Stay "wonderful and desire-less", I double dog dare you!
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