Author Lostinlife4now Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 He's keepng you on stand-by position... didn't you get the memo yet??? Hi Hank'sneighbor! No I think it is the other way around...He thinks I am keeping HIM on stand-by position, and I didn't send the memo yet! Have a wonderful day!
Spark1111 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 fBs here.... We learned the hard way that people who are not a friend to the marriage, are not a friend to either spouse. He slowly stopped communicating with his friends, some single, some married, whose idea of recreational fun consisted of going out to bars to hit on women. I did the same with some single female friends. It was not healthy for the marriage. I believe xAPs want to stay friends for purely selfish reasons: Can't give up the contact cause it boosts my ego, OR....if we can STILL be friends than what I did wasn't sooo bad, was it? SEE, we are STILL friends. Whatever your motivation MIGHT be, I do not think it will have the desired effect. He will still think, Gee, she still must want me since she still takes my calls. OR, See, I am not such a heel because she still takes my calls. Only by going complete NC will he get the message that YOU WANT NO PART OF HIM and WOW, I MUST OF REALLY HURT HER because she is refusing to even talk to me.
26pointblue Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Frankly I don't think you will ever teach him anything, because he doesn't want to know. He just wants to know that he can reel you back into his game and he has. It's also a great excuse for you to be in touch with him again.. Do you want to prolong the contact? It will eventually all blow up again and then it will be harder to go NC again. Let him go. it's just a play to get you back in touch again. GG I agree... please, Lost, don't invite more drama & chaos into your life by staying 'friends' with him, whether to teach him a lesson or not. It will only end up blowing up in your face & you will bring yourself more pain & confusion. Have you ever heard of the phrase, the best revenge is living well? You can't do that - you can't truly 'teach him a lesson' which would be you NOT needing him anymore, for ANYTHING, including to teach him a lesson - until you walk away for good & set yourself free from him. If you can't do it for yourself, think about his wife. How would you feel if your husband was still 'friends' w/ the woman he had an affair with? If you found out she was participating in some evil game to teach him a lesson by toying with YOUR life & marriage? Don't be that girl Lost. Just keep your head up & stay away from this loser, he's not worth being friends with or playing games with. Remember if you roll around with pigs you end up all muddy! You will only be doing yourself a huge disservice by keeping this man in your life at all.
26pointblue Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 But I do like busting his balls and letting him know who I am dating.... He says "Its Hurtful" to know that I am seeing someone else....No you mean several someone elses'....... And this is where the "SCORNED WOMAN" comes into play....I told him to buy the book and READ IT.... Why are you hurting him just because he hurt you? You are stooping to his level, becoming just like him. :-( Is that really the person you want to be? Please, just live your life for yourself & do the right thing . . . don't go around playing immature jealousy games & hurting people or you are no better than this person you are complaining about.
26pointblue Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I do agree with you though that I want him to hear how happy I am WITHOUT him in my life.....so that's why I still very sparingly keep in contact with him. Okay, reality check . . . if you were truly happy without him you wouldn't care at all what he was doing, how he was feeling, whether he strutted or pouted, why he stayed married, etc. . . . you would be moving on & living your own life, truly happy to be out of that situation. But instead you're staying stuck in that situation that made you unhappy. And he knows you're not over him because you're still engaging with him. As someone else pointed out you are still giving him an ego boost . . . there is NOTHING you can say or do to him that won't stroke his ego . . . even if you yell at him or tell him you're seeing other people, it still lets him know you CARE about him & you're not happy without him. Otherwise you wouldn't be having any contact with him at all & you would be out there truly forgetting all about him. THAT is what would truly get the message across to him that you are better than what he has given you & how he has treated you, that you are done with him & you are moving on. Silence is the best way to get the message across. If you aren't in a place to be able to do that then just fake it till you make it. Count the days of not talking to him, feel strong & wise, & one day you will really truly start to feel so happy without him . . . so glad you are out of the mess & not stuck with him in your life anymore at all.
Tirai Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I say take him up on it. Be friends. Call him at home when you need something. Drop by his house to borrow things. Send he and his wife an invitation to your child's graduation. Ask him to babysit. Invite them to your next dinner party. Introduce yourself to his wife and let her get to know you. Chances are, he'll quickly change his mind about the whole "friends" thing. Oh WOW! This is great! I'll tell him this and follow it trough too! I got a call about a month after he had said "I'll respect your decision not to have any contact anymore". He said he was annoyed for me really making a full stop and not calling him. And he asked if my "life is worth living again" OMFG I told him my life always being worth living and he replied "suppose so". Then he told the blablabla and so on. Way to go "Joe". You're making it all so much easier by trowing such crap I'm learning new things of this man i thought being everything and more
Author Lostinlife4now Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts.... I hear what each of you are saying.....but in the end I usually do what I want anyway. I think I am still in the anger stage of the process of getting rid of xMM....I think we can all agree (ones that have been in an A) that there are stages to this.... And I feel resentment and anger towards him....but someday it will be years since I talked to him.... So I think I am right on the money.
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