Buttercup84 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I bought this book called The Breakup workbook and it makes you do various exercises to get over your ex. To be honest I have had it for months and haven't done anything Let's face it , you really loved your ex in spite of anything horrible and unforgivable he/she did to you .Even if you weren't exactly sure if mariage was in the cards , you probably had a few daydreams about the white dress , the flowers, the look on his face when he saw you coming down the asile , the children you would have , etc.You may have even downloaded both of your pictures and morphed them together to see what your potential babies would have looked like. Yikes ! So , lets pour all those wishes for the future onto paper.Nothing to be embaressed about here - nobody is going to read this but you ( well ..) We know this seems particulary cruel at this point , but the idea is that getting it down and getting it out will lead to a reinforcement of the fact that this hypothetical future will never be.Are you going to cry on these pages? Probably.But get it all out.Think of your tears as a metaphor for wishing away the expectations you placed on this relationship. Write down what you imagined your future would be like with your ex - all of the hopes , and the images you had of growing old with him. I know this is written for women in mind but of course dudes can do this too. Later on in the book they make you write down what the future really would have been like.
Author Buttercup84 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Here is mine : J and I would have bought a nice house in South Sydney , Idealy where we lived with those nice neighbours. He would have proposed after our second anniversery , and we would have been so happy planning our wedding . We would have married on the beach at sunset , with close family and friends. We would have gotten a dog and he would buy us horses and teach me to ride like he always said he would. After a few years of marriage we would have two beautiful children and be happily in love. We would go to Vienna together and he would love it , I always wanted to show him Vienna.
january2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry to be harsh and a party pooper. I think this is a bad idea. In my opinion, it's much more productive to write down all the great things that you have planned now that you are not with your ex. I think that what needs to be reinforced are all the positive things and all the dreams that you gained rather than focusing on what you lost. I just don't see the point in building a shrine to an ex and/or former relationship. I think it encourages people to become stuck. I know you're hurting Buttercup84, but I'm not sure this is the best way to heal. Of course, you're a grown woman and can make up your own mind. Edited October 1, 2011 by january2011
Author Buttercup84 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 I see where you're coming from , but there is a second part where you write down what really would have been to show you the reality . This is what was in my mind , and even if we stayed together it would have been nothing like this . In the second part you jot down the reality .don't know if that makes sense . I know the reality would have been different and not what I wanted . We all have this romantic idea of what could have been , but deep down we know what it would have been like .
january2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I think in that context it might be a useful exercise. For the sake of not derailing your thread further I shall give you mine plus the second part of the exercise, though I've not thought about any of this for a long time now! Dreams: We are finally rid of his toxic family and are living abroad somewhere, married and raising a family as well as looking for more business opportunities. Reality: He will never stand up to his family. We'll be no closer to getting married. One day, I turn around and find myself in a position where the kids question has been taken out of my hands.
Author Buttercup84 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Thank you . It does make sense what you say though .sorry I didn't mean to seem rude x
january2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Thank you . It does make sense what you say though .sorry I didn't mean to seem rude x No worries. I was probably being too harsh and jumped the gun before you had a chance to post about the second part of the exercise.
jormungand Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 dreams: you were perfect. long meaningful conversations, great dinners and laughs together. you told me you couldn't imagine life without me, and were very adamant about the fact that we did everything right and built a solid foundation for a future relationship that would stand the test of time. we were going to buy an older house and spend our free time fixing it up together, get a cute dog, and live out the rest of our days knowing we found who we needed in our life. reality: you rekindled the relationship with your ex while you asked for a 'break' because school was getting stressful. i don't know who you are anymore, as you're not that girl i fell madly in love with. thanks a lot.
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