Will NC work in my case?

[Kacie]

Bare with me this may be a long and a little confusing

 

Me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago for no reason but him being scared. We dated over a year and had few problems. I was his longest relationship, and the first he said he felt actually loved in. He was a mess when we broke up, cried for weeks, got fired from his job and started to drink quite a lot. I pulled the stupid non sense most do after being broken up with, acting clingy, begging, etc. He then began dating a girl and didn't tell me, but of course I found out and after hearing I pulled no contact. They had broken up not long after and a week later he came back, he spoke of trying a friendship and possibly trying to get back together, we hung out a few times and he acted very sweet. But we began to realize we couldn't be friends. I wanted to talk to him because I had begun to only feel like a backup or a safety blanket. He wouldn't make room to talk to me so I showed up at his house, we talked for an hour and I confronted him with his problems and what he really needed to change in himself, I had listened to him and changed my negative aspects. I told him he didn't know me anymore and I can't be his friend. We got pretty frustrated with one another and ended up yelling at one another. After that I told him we needed to stop this. I hugged him and told him I'd miss him but I can't wait around for him to change. I told him I was here cause I cared and as I was leaving he told me we would talk again one day, which left me confused. I knew I had to leave first so I hugged him and told him to take care of himself. I walked away and he watched me.

 

Now I have begun no contact, do you believe there is any hope for reconciliation here, I know I can't wait around but does it seem as though one day he may come back. He always told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him, I never hurt him, and I was always there to help him and support him in any way.

 

Any suggestions, or any stories of your reconciliation?

[Nsweet]

I wanna say that there is a lot of hope to be found in your story. I myself, had one of those hopeless breakup stories that even a marriage counselor I went to said was hopeless. I tried 3 NC periods until we had a fight over the phone and she confided to me through tears how she wanted to be friends and to talk more. We still talk and are working back up from the beginning now.

 

You may not feel it now but him trying to date soon after was a step at reconciliation because he was trying to get over you, and odds are he backed off on drinking around that time. You may be confused and hurt during the NC period, which wont be forever. You only need NC to help heal yourself and cause him to miss the needy you. This will only be for a few weeks or as long as a month. A month was really all it ever took.

 

After NC I have found that establishing a rule with yourself of one phone call a week was very helpful. Only call him on saturdays when yopu know he will be awake, and only call once. In the beginning he may wait a few days to return your call but provided you follow my advice below he will call more over time.

 

The magic to getting him to call more is to do three key things.

1) Pull back and call once a week, then when on the phone get him to talk more about himself than you do. This will help you take a step back from wanting to share your story and really give you a chance to evaluate what he is saying with a more distant attitude.

2) You must give value each and every time you talk while not trying to pull him in. Give a compliment without seekin gone foryourself... you'll get it later on.

3) Show your non neediness and noncontrolling attitude by not inviting yourself into his life and actually telling him to go have fun and enjoy himself when he want's to go out.

 

You get it? The harder you pull the more he pushes back. Now that you are not trying to pull him in he will want to see what youre up to. When you do talk just keep from appearing like you want him back. Just for now...