tb24 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) 2 weeks ago I went on a first date with a girl let's call her Girl #1 ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299018/ ) It was a bit awkward, there wasn't any chemistry but she was nice so arranged a second date to see if she was just shy/nervous. That will be sunday, we bought tickets to see a band I suggested. Since our initial date, we've barely spoken but she seems keen to go on the 2nd date. The problem is, since then I've been talking to another girl online... only online for now... we clicked pretty much instantly. We've spoken loads every day (I know her way better than I know the first girl already). I really like this girl, she's one the same wavelength as me about pretty much everything. Girl #2, however, has a few trust issues due to her ex. (He treated her REALLY badly involving spending lots of time with other girls including living with his ex girlfriend and taking her on holiday..). I totally understand that and respect her for the trust she seems to have in me already. We're not "together" but from the way it's going, I really feel like we will be after we start dating properly (She lives a little further away so a date isn't quite as trivial as just meeting for coffee one afternoon). So, what do I do? I don't want to ruin my chances with Girl #2 by going on the date. I could go on the date and not tell her, I'd feel AWFUL if I did, especially how she's been messed around with in the past. She may even find out if Girl #1 posts anything on my facebook. I could tell her I'm going on the date, but I don't know how I'd do that without making her feel bad. I could cancel the date, but girl #1 has already paid for a gig ticket. I'd feel awful doing that too. Either way if I go on the date, I don't know what I should tell Girl #1. Any advice? Edited September 30, 2011 by tb24
january2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) It sounds like you've not met Girl #2 yet. Is that correct? If you really want to pursue Girl #2 and would rather not go to the gig with Girl #1, one option is to tell Girl #1 that you're really sorry but you can't make the date. Say something has come up. Then offer her the other ticket so that she can take someone else. If Girl #2 asks about Girl #1, tell her what you told us about going on one date, lack of chemistry, etc. Edited September 30, 2011 by january2011
Author tb24 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 I haven't met girl #2 yet, no, but we will be very soon For a little perspective: In about a month of knowing Girl #1 (online to start with) we had ~15 short - medium messages on okcupid and one date. Since then, a couple of messages on facebook pretty much all just arranging the 2nd date. I find her fairly difficult to talk to online, she's not very talkative or good at moving the conversation forwards. I'd be surprised if it goes anywhere whatever happens with girl #2. Over the last week and a half, I've spoken to girl #2 so much. Probably 30 long (5000+ character according to okcupid) messages on okcupid and then following on facebook. We've been texting as well. I get on far better with her than I do with girl #1. We also have more in common.
january2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 So, the connection is stronger with Girl #2 but you still feel an obligation to Girl #1. I don't think obligation and guilt are good starting points for a date. Thus my suggestion regarding cancelling and offering Girl #1 the other ticket still stands. You are then not depriving Girl #1 of the opportunity to go to the gig and you don't have to feel guilty with Girl #2 since the date with Girl #1 was arranged before you began pursuing Girl #2.
Cee Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Girl #2, however, has a few trust issues due to her ex. (He treated her REALLY badly involving spending lots of time with other girls including living with his ex girlfriend and taking her on holiday..). I totally understand that and respect her for the trust she seems to have in me already. Any advice? It's a red flag that a woman is talking about her ex and her trust issues BEFORE the first date. It doesn't sound like she's ready for a healthy dating situation. Try not to get too invested in this woman until you meet her. Proceed with caution. With that said, January2011 is giving you sensible advice about how to handle the concert situation.
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