Rorschach64 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Well I'm 4 months into nc and not a word from my ex fiancee. I have already come to the conclusion that she isn't coming back but I have a new problem. Is it normal to have completely lost faith in other people? I can't honestly say I feel the ability to trust another person and when I experience the push and pull of a date or feelings being displayed I just feel like I can do is give them nothing because all they will do is betray me in the end
dollface07 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 what you are experiencing is completely normal. my roommate and I were talking about this very same issue earlier tonight. He said it's being "realistically cautious" in other words, your response is a normal and healthy sense of suspicion related to the true intentions of the new person whenever you decide to eventually begin dating again. Breaking up with someone who you were engaged to is really traumatic especially if it was unexpected so you may currently be hyper-sensitive to the motives of others right now because you may feel like..."well it took me that long to reach that level of almost marriage with this person and I thought I really knew her pretty well and look what all has happened..." right? I know I've been there too many people who post on this board can totally relate to you. I believe you'll love again but 4 months is such a short amount of time to have experienced the normal grieving process to begin the next stage separated from your former fiancee...give yourself time and be gentle to yourself. Personally, it has taken me two years (but don't worry you shouldn't take that long!) to be able to look at pictures of my ex-bf who everyone (including myself) thought we'd be getting engaged after completing grad-school together. It can sometimes still be sad on occasion but now I don't cry anymore when I see former pictures of us together. I also, have trust issues that I am still working through so I don't let my guard down very easily either. It's going to take some time for you to learn to trust again so what's important is that you keep hope that this day will come again. Just keep your hope intact that everything is going to be okay and with time you'll soon be trusting again. Warmest, dollface
ScienceGal Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Rorschach, what you are feeling is normal. I feel the same way actually. For me, it's that I am so walled off that I can't bring myself to even care about a new guy. I have nothing left to give, but I hope that in time I will heal and be back to my giddy and fun-loving self. Once I am at the point of feeling anything, THEN I will be worrying about restoring my faith in relationships. I am so tired of being let down!! My advice for you is to make a list of what you want in a partner and a relationship, and what deal-breakers you have. Then, stick to it! Don't compromise what is important to you, ever! And if you're honest with yourself, I bet you're aware of some "red flags" in your past relationships. Don't ignore your gut! If a new person is giving you bad vibes, get out quickly! Good luck
Diogenes Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 It's part of the process, it sucks, but it's necessary. That said, one day you'll see a face in the crowd and something in your heart will go "Ping" and you'll realize you're human again. Every-bodies timetable is different, but in the meantime get out and about and mix with new people, go to public events, art shows, open houses for charities etc. It makes the process go quicker, at least it has for me.
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