Viv Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I'm on day 18, and it's getting harder than ever. I try and distract myself, but I can't think about anything apart from him, and how much I want contact. Even though I know it will hurt, and there is 0% chance he will have changed his mind and I know he's bad for me, I can't tell my heart this. I've heard it takes 30 days to break an addiction, is there a point where it started to get easier for people? 1
radiodarcy Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 it really takes time. and most of us need much more than 30 days to really break this kind of addiction. i will say after 30 days, i had no urge to contact him via text/email/IM. but the feelings were still there. however, as time went on, i was able to focus on other things. i started re-discovered old interests; getting back in touch with family and friends; and trying new group fitness classes at the local gym. focusing on other things definitely helped take my mind off of him and interact with other people and feel less alone. NC really is a process. but you do still have to allow for the ups and downs. i still have moments when i get teary eyed and angry. but those are much less now.
Drift Wood Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 It really varies for people. As for that addiction thing, I didn't see my ex for 2 months over the summer and when she came back she immediately BU with me. I was devastated and it's been 6 weeks of NC and I am still trying to cope. I thought since I didn't see her for 2 months that this process would be a lot easier. That clearly is not the case. I hope you feel better. Cheers.
Misar7 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 When he gets another woman pregnant. That is what happened for me have not spoken to him since. Been 2 months.
lymtal1 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 viv, i hear ya. i would suggest that you try not to put a timing on it. you will know that it is better when you feel a bit better. been 2 months for me and although i am coping with it and will never break it again as long as we both shall live (yes i know sounds rather bad), it still hurts. each day is better, each day brings more revelation about why i am doing this. i was driving home today and although i do miss her, i will not contact because i don't want to feel that same pain that was there when i was in contact. that drives me. let your rational mind realize each day the why's about the situation and what n/c is doing for you. you will not forget the person, but you will begin to go, i can't because i know that it doesn't matter to them and it shouldn't matter to me. they have moved on and me holding on to something that is not healthy is not good for me. i wish the 30 days was the magic number but i have seen many posters on here state that it has been months and months and they are still in that bad place. i think that depending on the situation, the circumstances, how the relationship ended, etc dictates how long it takes to get rid of the "addiction". don't put a time on it as i don't think our hearts have a clock in them. just know that you are doing the right thing and that at some point in time you will not care. indifference will set in. i look back at a relationship that i had 20 years ago (when i was 20), and thought then i would never get over it and think, who was that person? i can't even remember why i thought i was in love with them. will happen for us again at some point. just not quick enough i know. do you remember that situation for you at some point in your life? you will get there. we all will. you are doing great, keep up the great work with n/c. 1
Author Viv Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks for all your responses, makes me feel so much less alone. After reading them and doing some meditation, I feel much better.
HollyHoliday Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 NC got easier for about after about a month and a half. In the beginning, and every once and awhile now, I would look at each day of NC as another day of rejection. I try to hold onto the fact that I was the one who said that we shouldn't talk. I originally wanted to call him, run into him, or send him an e-mail. Now I know I will never do any of those things, and it really helps me in moving on
Surfer Girl Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 The timeline... is different for eveyone... depending how long the relationship was for.... I was yearning after 4 months.... and at the 5 month NC.. he callled I did not reply.... Now after 7 months I am better now... 8 year relationship... It will get better in timeh
Thieves Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 When he gets another woman pregnant. That is what happened for me have not spoken to him since. Been 2 months. Haaaa. Funny how similar some of our stories are on here. Make that, "When he almost gets another woman pregnant and decides to tell you all about it." And as for Viv, it takes a little while. As in, more than 18 days I'm afraid. To be honset, I still yearn occasionally to contact him but it's definitely gotten lesser and lesser with each month. How long has it been? About 8 months. It started getting easier around the second or third month, so yes, you've still got a little while. However, try to distract yourself as much as you can, as cliche as that sounds. I know with me, going out and just doing things I love - going to bookstores, working a lot, making friends at work, talking to and meeting new people, etc. - all of that has really helped me a lot. Eventually it got to the point now where I still think of him a few times a day, but I don't linger on it for too long. It's more of just passing thoughts, like a TV on in the background, if that makes sense.
CopingGal Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I'm tired of breaking NC. I will speak to my ex, but if I don't contact him, he will not contact me. I haven't been able to go 2 weeks without breaking contact. Tomorrow I start NC and this time, I never, ever want to initiate contact again. If I can get thru 2 months of not contacting him...I will be on my way. I initiated contact with him for the last time.
Kamila Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 It does get easier. Really. But only after some no contact period. For me it's been over 6 months since i've responded to my ex-boyfriend's messages. I must say, I feel more relieved since I haven't replied and he isn't sending anything back. I know he wanted us to be friends and all, but to keep my sanity and to lessen the pain, no contact was the harsh way to go. Now the pain has diminished, into a vague memory...
antz2411 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I'm on day 18, and it's getting harder than ever. I try and distract myself, but I can't think about anything apart from him, and how much I want contact. Even though I know it will hurt, and there is 0% chance he will have changed his mind and I know he's bad for me, I can't tell my heart this. I've heard it takes 30 days to break an addiction, is there a point where it started to get easier for people? when you decide to move on and when you finlly get over your situation is when it gets better; other than that its torture just depends how strong you are mentally
CopingGal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 The other day I contacted my ex and offered to maybe be a "friend with benefits" in the future. After I did it, I wanted to take it back. A few days later, I sent him an email saying "disregarding the previous email." I closed the book on our relationship. It's been several days since that and I feel much stronger. I miss him, but not enough to call him. He treated me terribly. So I need to stay away from him.
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