ToBeHonest Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) New here ... so heres my situation: I'm living with my bf. I'm white-Italian, he is Chinese. We have been together for 1 year exactly. He originally grew up for the most part in New Zealand, so he isn't extremely traditional Chinese, but we definately have cultural differences. One of those differences has been expressing feelings. I grew up with parents that always told each other how they felt verbally. My bf didn't. He told me he believes it is much more important to show love for a person. He has expressed it a few times verbally but it was a time when we had an argument and he said it like "you know I love you" kind of thing. I guess for the last year there were times I have been a little insecure over the fact that he didn't say it too much, and I know I shouldn't have been. But my last bf said it all the time, so I was just used to hearing it when in a relationship. I told him this and he said his culture is very modest about expressing feelings and actions mean more. He is in the Japan this week on business, so he called me early this morning (night time for him) I'm at work. He would normally know this but he called me intoxicated. I was shocked at that alone, since he never drinks. But anyway I told him I couldn't talk long because I was working and before we hung up he said "I love you". He has NEVER said that on the phone before- just "because". I actually almost fell over, I was so surprised and I guess as silly as it sounds, that is the first time, I REALLY believed that he does love me. He has taken several business trips over seas and thats the first time he ever said it like that. After all he has done for me I feel almost feel ashamed I haven't REALLY felt that as strongly as I did today. Is something wrong with me that it means so much to HEAR it? Edited September 30, 2011 by ToBeHonest changed title
Pierre Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 New here ... so heres my situation: I'm living with my bf. I'm white-Italian, he is Chinese. We have been together for 1 year exactly. He originally grew up for the most part in New Zealand, so he isn't extremely traditional Chinese, but we definately have cultural differences. One of those differences has been expressing feelings. I grew up with parents that always told each other how they felt verbally. My bf didn't. He told me he believes it is much more important to show love for a person. He has expressed it a few times verbally but it was a time when we had an argument and he said it like "you know I love you" kind of thing. I guess for the last year there were times I have been a little insecure over the fact that he didn't say it too much, and I know I shouldn't have been. But my last bf said it all the time, so I was just used to hearing it when in a relationship. I told him this and he said his culture is very modest about expressing feelings and actions mean more. He is in the Japan this week on business, so he called me early this morning (night time for him) I'm at work. He would normally know this but he called me intoxicated. I was shocked at that alone, since he never drinks. But anyway I told him I couldn't talk long because I was working and before we hung up he said "I love you". He has NEVER said that on the phone before- just "because". I actually almost fell over, I was so surprised and I guess as silly as it sounds, that is the first time, I REALLY believed that he does love me. He has taken several business trips over seas and thats the first time he ever said it like that. After all he has done for me I feel almost feel ashamed I haven't REALLY felt that as strongly as I did today. Is something wrong with me that it means so much to HEAR it? What is your problem with ILY?
oaks Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Is something wrong with me that it means so much to HEAR it? No, there isn't.
Author ToBeHonest Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 What is your problem with ILY? no problem with it at all! it just meant so much to me that he just said it to just to "say it".
Stung Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 No. I am not usually a big follower of self-help books and the like, but I have read the "5 Love Languages" book that's been sweeping the nation and you and your boyfriend seem to fall neatly into 2 of it's "Love Language" categories. Some people need the words, some people don't. It's up to the two of you to come to a middle ground in how you show affection, and to learn to understand the other ways that your partner demonstrates affection, which you might not immediately/naturally pick up on. You don't necessarily have to buy the book, just Google the term to get a fuller understanding of what I'm talking about here.
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