kristinpea1979 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Hello everyone - this is going to be long, but I appreciate and and all advice given. I have been ruminating for a week now, and it's time I get some advice from un-biased sources who do not know me! Basically, I am a 31 year old female who has had issues staying happy in my relationships ever since my first serious relationship at 19. I feel as though something clicks one day or week, and in a blink of an eye I am suddenly not happy any more. While I do not think it happens as quickly as that, that is what it feels like. I feel like I go from being happy and wanting to be with the guy forever, to over the course of days or weeks, I end up with this numb feeling where I feel disinterested, am no longer happy or excited to see them and I am doubting our future together. While I know that some of my relationships were simply not right for me, I have dated several individuals whom I feel like, without my spontaneous feelings of doubt, could have otherwise ended up being something lasting. The problem is, in two of my relationships I ended up getting this numb, disinterested/doubting feeling several months in, which ended up dissipating and my feelings resumed to the happy place in which they started. Ultimately, however, those relationships did end, but one of them, my longest at almost 3 years, lasted for quite some time (2) years in a fairly happy state after that brief period of doubt. I am finding myself yet again in this weird, numb state where I am not happy to see my boyfriend really, everything he does and says seems to irritate me and I no longer feel excited about a possible future together. 2 weeks ago I was happy and excited, planning things together, thinking about a future, talking about where we'd want to live, etc. We started out as friends for about 8 months and after he pursued me for several months, I finally developed feelings for him. We have a lot in common and it started out great. We immediately started spending every night together. Somewhere along the way, in the past couple of weeks, I found myself questioning him. I started nit-picking the tv shows he watches, how often he goes to the doctor (he seems to be a bit if a hypochondriac), and I started getting annoyed by his seemingly negative attitude. He starts to complain Sunday afternoon about it being Monday the next day, and all week he moans about when it is going to be Friday. He will complain days ahead if the weather forecast shows rain for the weekend. He gets aggravated by tasks that should be simple and stress-free such as ordering concert tickets online. He works a normal M-F office job and is "tired" and just wants to rest every night after work, falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV. He is 28 years old. I just think his mood is starting to rub off on me (as was the case with all of my previous relationships - I dealt with stressed out workaholics, temper problems, guys with money problems, family problems, marijuana addiction, etc). I am overall a very happy, positive, upbeat person who comes from a good, happy, stable family and I find it very hard to be with people who are constantly negative. Is my issue simply that I haven't found the right person, or is there something bigger going on? I often wonder if I have relationship OCD. I feel like my standards for my relationships are higher than most peoples. I feel like I will never be happy long term with anyone, bc eventually, even if I start out happy, I end up in this numb place where I am doubting my significant other. It has happend about 7 times throughout the years, and I end up breaking up with every guy I date. I really don't know what to do. I have decided that we started out too serious too soon in my current relationship, and have suggested we simply date and do things together to see if that helps. I just don't know if I am too picky and expect too much from my future husband and that my unrealistic expectations will cause me to be single forever. I don't know if there is more to it than that, if there is some type of depression or OCD going on. I live in fear that even though I am happy now, that down the road I will get bored. I hate feeling like this, and just wish I could rewing a couple weeks back to when I was happy and excited to see my boyfriend. It's such an awful place to be in because I feel like it literally feel like it comes out of nowhere! Has anyone else experienced this?? Any feedback or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!!
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