ffw Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I am going to put a short version of my story since most of you may have read my story before. Me & my ex-gf were together for 4 & ½ years (2 years together & 2 & ½ years separated). Anyways, she broke up with me 3 weeks back because [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]1)[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I could not commit to her. Basically, I got in the comfortable zone & got too focus on my carrier. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]2)[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]She always wanted to get marry to me but I never proposed. So, eventually she got tired & thought there is no future with me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]She broke up with via mail saying that she fell out of love & fell in love with another guy & can see future with him. Also, saying that she will marry him soon, which I never intended to commit. She knows this guy for maybe more than 1 month now. She was very disappointed & angry when she wrote me this letter & blamed the failure of our relationship on me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]After 3 days, I wrote her my last letter saying that I hope she gets all the love, care & happiness she deserves. I accepted my lack of commitment with an apology. Also, at the end I wrote if she still has a place within her heart & still loves me, I will marry her. [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Its almost 1 month now, I am over the breakup but the thing I am getting difficult for my heart to believe is that she is not going to come back. The thing is I was her longest relationship & before me all her relationships lasted only for short periods. In fact, when we started as a couple she asked me to promise her not to leave her. I guess I kept my promise but situation got reversed [/FONT]J[/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Some ways, my heart keeps on expecting that even this relationship is not going to last for long & she is going to come back. The other factor is I mentioned in my letter that I am ready to marry her. So, maybe after sometime she will release what she is missing. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Ahh….., I want to get rid of this feeling to get heal properly but I am not able to do so. Any suggestions? Thanking you. [/FONT][/sIZE]
stillafool Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 It's only been 3 weeks. You will heal. Just don't contact her.
Author ffw Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Sorry for all the fonts, I am going to put a short version of my story since most of you may have read my story before. Me & my ex-gf were together for 4 & ½ years (2 years together & 2 & ½ years separated). Anyways, she broke up with me 3 weeks back because 1) I could not commit to her. Basically, I got in the comfortable zone & got too focus on my carrier. 2)She always wanted to get marry to me but I never proposed. So, eventually she got tired & thought there is no future with me. She always used to put more effort to make this relationship work. She broke up with via mail saying that she fell out of love & fell in love with another guy & can see future with him. Also, saying that she will marry him soon, which I never intended to commit. She knows this guy for maybe more than 1 month now. She was very disappointed & angry when she wrote me this letter & blamed the failure of our relationship on me. After 3 days, I wrote her my last letter saying that I hope she gets all the love, care & happiness she deserves. I accepted my lack of commitment with an apology. Also, at the end I wrote if she still has a place within her heart & still loves me, I will marry her. Its almost 1 month now, I am over the breakup but the thing I am getting difficult for my heart to believe is that she is not going to come back. The thing is I was her longest relationship & before me all her relationships lasted only for short periods. In fact, when we started as a couple she asked me to promise her not to leave her. I guess I kept my promise but situation got reversed. Some ways, my heart keeps on expecting that even this relationship is not going to last for long & she is going to come back. The other factor is I mentioned in my letter that I am ready to marry her. So, maybe after sometime she will release what she is missing. Ahh….., I want to get rid of this feeling to get heal properly but I am not able to do so. Any suggestions? Thanking you.
Rorschach64 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Well judging from some of the interventions you took here ffw, I think you did what you could and you owned up to your mistakes. That is the best you could do. I find that rather disturbing as to how quickly she moved on and wanted to get married. Think about it like this my good sir, she was so eager to rush in to getting married and why is that? I think probably cause she is in love with the IDEA of marriage and not in love with the idea of being married to YOU. I think you and this new guy are really just a means to an end. Other than that, love is a state of insanity, in my opinion, and an addiction. Yes it has been a short time since things ended and it won't get easy for awhile trust me. I am 4 months in to NC and a bit more from the break up and I still think about it a lot but I am starting to realize that this person I wanted to get married to wasn't making me really that happy, she constantly was not THAT happy with her etc etc. You will get there just stay strong and confident, believe me you CAN do this.
Author ffw Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 I think the main reason she fell out of love is because of the fact that we weren't able to see each other for long time. Last few months, I could give her much attention because of my tight schedule. I think during this time, this guy came along & gave her the attention she needed. To some extent, I agree she always been founded about the idea of getting married. I think it's because of her parents long lasting marriage. She mentioned in her letter to make me feel what I am going to miss. Moreover, she was upset & dissappointed when she wrote me this letter. I think she's kind of a girl that like to settle down soon.....
stillafool Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Given the fact that she really wanted to marry YOU first, I see her relationship and engagement to this new guy as a rebound. I don't think it will last. After 1 month one can't enter into an engagement for marriage simply because you don't know enough about each other. She may not appreciate the time you spend on your career now but later on she will want an ambitious husband. There is a very good chance she will want you again. Saying that, I don't suggest you sit around waiting for her to come back but continue the process of healing and moving on. It will take time to get over your breakup there is no magical formula or we would bottle it and make billions of dollars. Just stay busy, date and be well.
Author ffw Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 I see her relationship and engagement to this new guy as a rebound. I don't think it will last. Hey Stillafool, In my opinion, a relationship is rebound when a person enters a relationship after breaking up and not before. In this case, she broke up with me because she fell in love with other person. I dont see it as a rebound.
ShannonMI Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I am going to put a short version of my story since most of you may have read my story before. Me & my ex-gf were together for 4 & ½ years (2 years together & 2 & ½ years separated). Anyways, she broke up with me 3 weeks back because [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]1)[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I could not commit to her. Basically, I got in the comfortable zone & got too focus on my carrier. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]2)[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]She always wanted to get marry to me but I never proposed. So, eventually she got tired & thought there is no future with me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]She broke up with via mail saying that she fell out of love & fell in love with another guy & can see future with him. Also, saying that she will marry him soon, which I never intended to commit. She knows this guy for maybe more than 1 month now. She was very disappointed & angry when she wrote me this letter & blamed the failure of our relationship on me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]After 3 days, I wrote her my last letter saying that I hope she gets all the love, care & happiness she deserves. I accepted my lack of commitment with an apology. Also, at the end I wrote if she still has a place within her heart & still loves me, I will marry her. [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Its almost 1 month now, I am over the breakup but the thing I am getting difficult for my heart to believe is that she is not going to come back. The thing is I was her longest relationship & before me all her relationships lasted only for short periods. In fact, when we started as a couple she asked me to promise her not to leave her. I guess I kept my promise but situation got reversed [/FONT]J[/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Some ways, my heart keeps on expecting that even this relationship is not going to last for long & she is going to come back. The other factor is I mentioned in my letter that I am ready to marry her. So, maybe after sometime she will release what she is missing. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Ahh….., I want to get rid of this feeling to get heal properly but I am not able to do so. Any suggestions? Thanking you. [/FONT][/sIZE] It's only been 3 weeks. Don't push yourself too much. Of course you can't let go of her. You dated a long time. In time you will move on, but right now you are feeling something that is completely normal. I was with my ex for 8 years. It's been a year and some months since we broke up. I've dated other guys and I STILL have feelings for my ex. It's not something you just get over. My issue is, I know what a real relationship is. I know what real love is. I had that with my ex. I'm having a hell of a time finding it with the men I've dated since then. My heart still belongs to my ex unfortunately. As much as I hate to admit it because he cheated on me and he doesn't deserve it. In time I will find someone who will replace what my ex was to me.
Gack Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 It's only been 3 weeks. Don't push yourself too much. Of course you can't let go of her. You dated a long time. In time you will move on, but right now you are feeling something that is completely normal. I was with my ex for 8 years. It's been a year and some months since we broke up. I've dated other guys and I STILL have feelings for my ex. It's not something you just get over. My issue is, I know what a real relationship is. I know what real love is. I had that with my ex. I'm having a hell of a time finding it with the men I've dated since then. My heart still belongs to my ex unfortunately. As much as I hate to admit it because he cheated on me and he doesn't deserve it. In time I will find someone who will replace what my ex was to me. Wow i get what you mean totally. I've been with my ex for 3 years and it been 3 months and i don't have it that bad now, but all the girls i've dated ever since just doesn't have that connection with me. It like i can't find real love again and that degree of intimacy i had makes everything else so shallow. My ex cheated on me too and i still have feelings for her. I know there are lots of other girls out there. I just have doubts.. Is it really possible to find real love again. If only the next girl i date really sincerely wanted a serious relationship and appreciate me just like how i will cherish her.
EgoJoe Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Stop using the word can't and start using the words, can, will etc. If you hope to reconcile but want to heal, say this to yourself, "I want to heal and therefore I am going to heal. Whether or not they return I am going be ok no matter what."
stillafool Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 Hey Stillafool, In my opinion, a relationship is rebound when a person enters a relationship after breaking up and not before. In this case, she broke up with me because she fell in love with other person. I dont see it as a rebound. Okay, still this other guy was her second choice. She wanted to marry you first, you didn't act fast enough so she moved on to another guy who was willing to marry her. Therefore she married for the wrong reason. I don't see it lasting.
Author ffw Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Okay, still this other guy was her second choice. She wanted to marry you first, you didn't act fast enough so she moved on to another guy who was willing to marry her. Therefore she married for the wrong reason. I don't see it lasting. She did not marry anyone but she intends to. She just started having a relationship with this guy. Its amost one month to be precise.
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