mike588 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Hello again. For those who were dumped and did'nt see it coming, no fighting, argueing etc: How did your ex. act days, week/ weeks before dumping you? When you look back on it now was she becoming cold and distant or did she seem happy and was affectionate? I understand the cold and distant attitude, he/she want's out. My ex was the latter (seemed so happy)I thought everything was great up until the night before she dumped me. When we went to bed that last night she turned her back to me and hugged her side of the bed, a 1st. Guys don't beat me up to bad for this post. I'm only 2 months into being dumped, 5,, 6 weeks into strict N.C. and have made great progress by your advise/comments especially by taking her off the pedestal that I put her on and joining a gym, that really has helped and I thank you for that. Maybe being used and betrayed as I was has helped. Sadness turns to anger. For most of us I believe there does come a time regardless if your completely healed or not to look back out of curiosity and or wanting to learn from the experience. I think it's human nature. Ok, those of you who know my situation GO EASY on me. I had an hr. to kill here at work and again,, just curious.
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 cold and distant / she would rather spend time with others than spend time with me / a week later she wanted to act cool / wasn't going to have any of that crap / cut her off for one month / then she begged to reconcile
radiodarcy Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 initially he was cold and distant and then a few weeks later he seemed regretful and would send me texts and call me to see how i was doing. of course these were all breadcrumbs and i am sorry to say i responded to every single one of them until i broke NC altogether after 3 months. but he was back to his old ways within a week - - ignoring me for days on end and when he did contact me he would brag about the girls he was meeting online. so i went back to NC again and haven't heard from him since. it's been 7 months of strict NC no calling/texting/IM'ing and we don't live in the same town so if he were to see me i have no idea how he would react. he'd probably act like everything was cool and give me a hug,. ick.
Mack05 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Very Happy that I was taking care of her when she was sick. On Sunday we have a few beers in a beer garden, very relaxed and happy. Went back to hers snuggled on the couch. Affectionate all night but nothing physical. Following morning I walked her to work. She even stopped me in the park, near her house on the way to work for a passionate kiss (which I can only assume she knew was her last kiss with me). 12 hours later on the phone. Bye Bye and if you contact me again I am calling the police. I was like WTF!!!!!The police! (I figured out later her ex husband was a total nutjob who tried to kill her, which means apparently all guys are worthy of calling the police on, if you dump them :laugh:) Beat that Mike ;-). You know mate you keep obsessing about this girl and really where is it getting you?. My ex that was so cruel in the end? Really I can't remember one good memory with her and now I just laugh at her crazyness. When you step away you will wonder what on god's green earth did I see in her. But that aint happening when you post non stop about the woman looking for validation and looking for answers, that you will never get or that you will never fully understand. Read Buttercups post. A kid down in dumps but focusing on doing something positive. That's what you need to do Mike. Stop the obsessing, stop the negative thinking and try retrain your mind to be positive. Believe me you will thank yourself..
ken_25 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Before she dumped me she didn't really act different at all, except she had complained for nearly a week that her stomach was very upset and it was hard to eat. She admitted her stomach problem started when she decided to leave me, by four days after the break up she ended up losing nearly 10 pounds. She does have some stomach problems, but it was never like this. But as far as being cold or distant, getting frustrated in front of me, etc, there was no sign I could see. Even the day she lied to me about goin out to dinner with a coworker and her coworkers mom, and actually went with two couples and the guy she basically left me for, that night I did something for her at the house and she texted "ok thanks babydoll, I'll see u a little later. love u" She broke it off two days later.
Author mike588 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Hey Mack05, I was expecting a good beating from you and thats ok. I really am so much better, really and it may appear that I'm obsessing over her but I'm not. After only 2 months I doubt anyone doesn't think about there ex and what happened and are just curious about somethings. I'm so past being devestated and or hoping she will come back. Now that the fog has cleared I look at my situation in such a different way and am not upset over it anymore, dissapointed yes. I see how I was used and there wasn't any deep/true love for me from her and when I do think of her , not every second like I did it's like screw you. There are no more tears over her, no more sleepless nights and I know better things are to come. My ship has set sail for another adventure but this time I'll keep my heart under lock and key and never fall for someone fresh out of a breakup. Gotta put some ice on that beating you gave me ha. Thanks for responding, you have been tremendous help!!!!!!!!!!!
shortee143 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Distant! For a week or 2 before he dumped me, he just wasnt talking to me as much...red flag! But I tried to confront him, and he said all was ok..then bam, he dumped me. I kinda wish we were fighting or having issues..then I could understand..hah but all was fine (so to say). No probs...then he left.
lonelynyc Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 What everybody else has said, basically. Cold, distant, sometimes mean. I think they spend the last few weeks of the relationship justifying to themselves why they have to break up with us. They start fights, try to illuminate areas of incompatibility.
Author mike588 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Again mine was happy, probably due to her making up her mind and looking foward to being with her ex.
immitable Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 My ex acted stressed out, she really had a lot on her plate + there were her parents coming to visit and stay and I didn't really get along with them. Because they are selfish people treating me like I am nobody. They would insist to go on vacations with us etc which I opposed. We had a fight on that day I guess she was just looking for a reason. Then she said she wants to have 2 week break and then she broke up with me. I guess she wasn't sure herself at that moment. If she didn't break up, I would have - I guess, or went on a break because it wasn't working. My understanding is that she has a major communication problem with everybody including at her work. Her last relationship ended the same way. I was the one trying to talk and work on the issues. When she broke up with me I mentioned that and she said that these things I brought up were just little things. I still don't know what problem she had with me I I was supporting her the whole time. Nc for about 4 months. So I guess I maybe dodged a bullet. Felt isolated in the relationship as she was very jealous, she was the one working and I am a student. Dunno what do you guys think?
The_Good_Me Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Saturday - She worked most of the day. We slept together when she came home, went to my folks for dinner, were all loved up on the sofa, had a great evening. Things really did seem fine. Sunday - She worked all day but came home happy, no sex but we fooled around, all loved up another great evening. Knowing Monday would be another day where we wouldn't get to see much of each other we made plans to have a nice meal together on Tuesday as it was the first day off for her in a while. Monday - She came home late, was really tired, didn't say much to me and had an early night. At the time I just thought she was tired but in reality was probably day one of acting cold & distant. Tuesday - Date night. Was really looking forward to it all day. I was at work with friends who me & my ex used to double date with and I told them how happy I was that we finally got some time together. I got home and she was upstairs. She gave me a big hug, looked really tired went into the bed room got under the covers, turned away and went to sleep as I cuddled her. I realised date night was off thinking she was still too tired and that all her work must have caught up with her. Went downstairs and watched some TV. She came down and one of her favourite programs was about 15 mins in. She asked why I let her sleep so I told her "You looked tired, I didn't want to disturb you. Do you want me to rewind your show?" She said yes but didn't come to sit next to me (this was the first odd thing that I noticed at the time). She didn't show any sign of wanting to talk to me throughout the length of the show and when it finished she said "I'm going back to bed!". At the time I knew something was up but thought she was upset with me about something. I assumed it was because I let her sleep through date night but now I realise it was more than likely just day 2 of cold & distant. She'd made her mind up by now. Wednesday - She worked and came home late. Her shows were recorded and she said "hey" as she came in but couldn't look at me. Again at the time I thought "she's still mad at me, I'll give her space" so I asked if she wanted to watch her shows. She said "yes please" so I set the first one going and left her alone. When she went to bed she didn't come to say good night. Thursday - We were due to eat at my folks again so I went there to wait for her coming home from work. I got a text saying "I'm going to have a drink with a friend after work, I'll be home at 8:30" I tell her "That's fine have fun, we're eating at 9". I get a text at 8:30 saying "I've only just left work and still going for that drink, i'll be on the last bus!". I sent one back saying "OK no problem, can we talk when you get home though? I feel like you've been avoiding me" She sent one back "Yeah, we do need to talk". There it was, I knew what was coming and just left my folks (obviously couldn't face dinner now!). I sent her a text saying "You've got me worried now, I think I know what's coming, can you come home and talk to me now?" she said she needs to vent to a friend and a few more text went back and fourth but she wouldn't come home. I sat there for what felt like an eternity waiting for her to come home. In she walks, looks me right in the eye and says "I don't think I feel the same way anymore!". She then went onto give me a reason why, which I believed at the time (later found out it was all rubbish). I told her I wasn't angry and didn't blame her and I told her I'd go stay with my mum to give her space. That was the run up to the worst experience of my entire life.
immitable Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 bump... this post got me intriged and now I am curious what do you guys think about my situation, I guess I never posted my break up situation (not really into long posts). Please someone what do you think of the above...
lonelynyc Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 "I'm going to have a drink with a friend after work, I'll be home at 8:30" Just had to remark on this, thought it captured my situation so well. Doesn't it seem like whenever we're trying to put the pieces back together in our relationships the dumpers are out grabbing a drink with co-workers/friends?
Buttercup84 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Didn't want to spend time with me , eve I'd we lived together . No sex , didn't kiss me , hated affection in public , just didn't care . Oh and weirdly enough he bought me a few presents because he was proud I got a new job . So get me gifts then dump me ? How thoughtful .
Buttercup84 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Just had to remark on this, thought it captured my situation so well. Doesn't it seem like whenever we're trying to put the pieces back together in our relationships the dumpers are out grabbing a drink with co-workers/friends? Yes ! He suddenly went out to the pub a lot with a friend , never did that before
TheGrimSweeper Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Distant and cold, no affection or sex and no desire to spend time with me.
immitable Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 My ex acted stressed out, she really had a lot on her plate + there were her parents coming to visit and stay and I didn't really get along with them. Because they are selfish people treating me like I am nobody. They would insist to go on vacations with us etc which I opposed. We had a fight on that day I guess she was just looking for a reason. Then she said she wants to have 2 week break and then she broke up with me. I guess she wasn't sure herself at that moment. If she didn't break up, I would have - I guess, or went on a break because it wasn't working. My understanding is that she has a major communication problem with everybody including at her work. Her last relationship ended the same way. I was the one trying to talk and work on the issues. When she broke up with me I mentioned that and she said that these things I brought up were just little things. I still don't know what problem she had with me I I was supporting her the whole time. Nc for about 4 months. So I guess I maybe dodged a bullet. Felt isolated in the relationship as she was very jealous, she was the one working and I am a student. Dunno what do you guys think? Just to add the sex life (we were together for 5 years) was almost non existant for the past year, she was always overworked and always either sick or burned uot, I never really initiated it I wanted her to at least give me a sign, never even put on the sexy underwear I got her two years back.
lonelynyc Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Yeah, the lack of affection is a sure-fire sign being dumped is imminent. I'm not talking about sex (although that happens too, to an extent). Sex can often times be screwed up and angry or half-hearted, not at all a sign of love. When they stop holding your hand in public, pull away from kisses, don't rest their head on your shoulder while watching a movie... You know you're in trouble.
Buttercup84 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Yeah, the lack of affection is a sure-fire sign being dumped is imminent. I'm not talking about sex (although that happens too, to an extent). Sex can often times be screwed up and angry or half-hearted, not at all a sign of love. When they stop holding your hand in public, pull away from kisses, don't rest their head on your shoulder while watching a movie... You know you're in trouble. We were in line somewhere and I went to cuddle him and he pushed me away saying " I need space " . That's the weekend before it ended.
lonelynyc Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 We were in line somewhere and I went to cuddle him and he pushed me away saying " I need space " . That's the weekend before it ended. lol I think everyone's ex does the same thing. Human behavior can be so predictable at times. The last time I saw her before receiving the infamous breakup text, I went to kiss her goodbye on the lips and she hit me with her cheek instead. Also, we ran into one of her co-workers on the street a few minutes before parting and she didn't introduce me... Man, was I an idiot for not taking that hint.
Buttercup84 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 lol I think everyone's ex does the same thing. Human behavior can be so predictable at times. The last time I saw her before receiving the infamous breakup text, I went to kiss her goodbye on the lips and she hit me with her cheek instead. Also, we ran into one of her co-workers on the street a few minutes before parting and she didn't introduce me... Man, was I an idiot for not taking that hint. Yeah he did that too . Didnt introduce me anymore , his friends were all idiots anyway .
Author mike588 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Wow, seems like no ones ex. here was happy and affectionate like mine was until the last day. I do remember the day before she introduced me to one of her friends as a friend,,,, Hi so and so this is my friend Mike. Another red flag missed!
crackster Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Every thing was great! she booked and paid for a holiday bought some of my clothes cos i just lost my job.. we went to Scotland for dinner. then other week we went for drinks with friends then we made plans to go cinema (her idea) she kept asking for walks on the beach like she liked. but then coming on weekend she was acting weird but it all happened in 2 days. she wasent texting much on sat i rang her ask if she still wanted to sleep she said yes but sounded funny i said u dont have to if you dont want to she says i said i would didn't i. she slept but she would not let me hug her. we woke up and she was nasty to me all day! i could do any thing and she just wanted to go to her mates! then when i was at work that day she never text and when i text her she replied with one word answers and 1 kiss it was always 3 kisses i bought some flowers droped them of at hers when she was still at her mates then i get a text saying why u do that? i said what? she said being nice when i been really nasty to you. i said cos i love you and wanted to cheer u up. she said over text sorry i dont love you any more i cant do this.. that was it never seen her again and NC its been 6 weeks now and now she has a new lad! (who i think she was getting with when i was with her) after 2 half years! just ended it on text then nothing!
Surfer Girl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Distant and lack of sex... I called him on it... He said maybe in time he could rekindle the feelings... That was 7 months ago....
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