thebig-guy Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Ok so i broke the 3 days No contact i managed to build up this week after being dumped by the ex a week ago. im not sure if this was suitable but i tried calling her last night to get complete closure on the breakup. I thought it might be better than sending a message So i rang her last night for 10 minutes. It felt like the best 10 minutes of my life.... I then went to sleep and slept well. However when i woke up this morning i felt horrible and my heart was throbbing! We had a bit of a deep conversation last night as to why all this has happened. I was happy that she was openly talking about it. but at the same time i got no closure. She seems to be trying to let me down gently by saying things like - "i just want to take it easy". However i asked her if she still wanted to see me again and she said "well yeah I do". I think im becoming more of an annoyance to her rather than a value. Shes just won a worldwide award for her job and so feels pretty good about herself. I dont think she sees any benefit of having me in her life apart from a phone call every now and then.. I asked her last night if she just wanted someone on the other end of the phone or was it that she genuinly still had feelings for me, she said "no comment". I also said last night that i would stop calling her after that and leave her alone, and she sounded like she actually got a bit worried. She said that she still wants to speak to me and would be happy when i call her... :s Ive crumbled again, tell me a plan of action and i will do it NOW, i need to get out this vicious cycle of being hurt This is becoming a vicious circle and i need get a solution now! Edited September 30, 2011 by thebig-guy
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Nightmare dude, this really sucks but I know it's hard not to call. Here's exactly what I did (in this order): 1). I read both David DeAngelo books and John Alexander's ex back book (can't remember the name, but it was the best I read - ps, you won't get her back within a time frame, but there's some good tips) 2). I stopped phoning and texting her first COMPLETELY! (She will likely call if she's used to you being in contact, but when she does strictly follow the advice here and it can really peak her interest) But when she phoned or text I used the tips I learned in DeAngelo's books i.e. I didn't answer all her questions, I made fun of her in a playful way, I didn't give in to her offers to see each other (just made fun of her instead), I didn't ask her much about her own life, and I pretended I had a lot going on in mine (I say pretend cos I was really depressed and in no fit state). 3). When she started being persistent about questions or calling round I was persistent in making light about her asking these things even when she got upset. I found that when she got upset or angry and I kept playfully making fun of her as opposed to giving in she became even more flirty and desperate to see me. 4). She showed up at my house with a stupid excuse to see me. I kept playing the same game but now that she is interested in some way I'm going to dial it back a bit and see what happens. OK dude, so what I have done here is the opposite of what most people do on this site, because I didn't see anyone getting anywhere with there ex, and to me if people keep doing the same thing and it isn't working, then obviously a change in tact is required. So I didn't go full nc, but I didn't beg, plead or show any emotions to my ex. What this achieved was turning the tables from me chasing her (and her feeling sorry for me) to her chasing me so much that she showed up at my house in tears begging ME to let her be a part of my life. Now I'm not saying I'll ever get her back, BUT I feel like I had to try a different approach than what I saw wasn't working. Maybe this will help dude, and I hope it does cos u seem like a good guy Edited September 30, 2011 by TheDovic
Author thebig-guy Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Well that is interesting! I will stop the calling and texting for now and see what happens. I actually think your ideas are pretty legit. Because in the early stages of the breakup i told her never to contact me again, and then she started messaging me immediatly. I think shes in the drivers seat at this point in time. So shes probably expecting me to keep hassling her... Lets see what happens if i completely stop. Starting from today. The only reason i broke my original NC is because she forgot it was my brithday which really pi$$ed me off.
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 The only reason i broke my original NC is because she forgot it was my brithday which really pi$$ed me off. wow dood are you serious? she dumps you right? so do you think she would care to contact you on your birthday? lol wtf if you're going to go nc keep it true to yourself and do it... dont use her actions as an excuse to break what you promised yourself or you are just going to go in circles and back to square 1
Author thebig-guy Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 well i know but i just exploded yesterday because shes not the type of girl to forget birthdays, she didnt even know what the date was that day so i let her off. But im glad that is out the way now so i dont get hurt
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 man their true colors always come out in the end and it f'n sucks but its just the way it is
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Well that is interesting! I will stop the calling and texting for now and see what happens. I actually think your ideas are pretty legit. Because in the early stages of the breakup i told her never to contact me again, and then she started messaging me immediatly. I think shes in the drivers seat at this point in time. So shes probably expecting me to keep hassling her... Lets see what happens if i completely stop. Starting from today. The only reason i broke my original NC is because she forgot it was my brithday which really pi$$ed me off. I know dude, think I'd have found that one tough too!
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