NordicStripes Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Hfi all i need some advice. my bf broke up with me end of july. there had been trust issues on my part (i had been cheated on by my ex). I was heartbroken. i found out that not even a week after we had broken up he started sleeping with one of his colleages. i had felt she was interestd in him prior to the brakeup. she is quite ugly, to be frank, and my ex would tell me how ugly he thought she was. anyway, after two weeks he saw me again and fell for me all over. he stopped sleeping with the tramp (she has a reputation in our hometown as the mattress). he said he would do anything to get me back, that she had just been a rebound, that he had no feelings for her whatsoever and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A couple of weeks later, i moved to another count ry. he is now organizing to come after me. he will give up his friends and family to be with me. incidently, when he told me he wqnted me back i told him i wanted uim to quit his job. he did that that same day. the thing is, i still love him. he was not only my lover, but also my best friend, my rock. and him coming to another country to be with me must mewn something. but, the idea of him having sex with someone else... i am so disgusted hy him. how could i eve be with him in that sense again? It makes me sick...
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 wow! this guy cheats on you and you still want him back? ever heard of self worth? you have none. so i suggest you get one and leave this trash that you love so much because you deserve so much but you think you dont - know why? because its all about self worth - and you have none.
Author NordicStripes Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Dude, I never said he cheated on me. He slept with the girl after we had broken up.
Author NordicStripes Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Ah, I see how you could think that My bad!! No the ex that cheated on my, was my ex before this ex ^^ That's why I had so many trust-issues in my last relationship.
novus69 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Hfi all there had been trust issues on my part (i had been cheated on by my ex). I was heartbroken. i found out that not even a week after we had broken up he started sleeping with one of his colleages. i had felt she was interestd in him prior to the brakeup. she is quite ugly, to be frank, and my ex would tell me how ugly he thought she was. Be careful of denial.....I sense it in what you are writing. I was in an 18 year marriage and was cheated on. 5 years later I entered into a serious relationship. The red flags were there all along....and all along I blamed myself for "being over-sensitive", that it must be because of my past marriage that I had trust issues. He actually even used it against me, and when I would question him about another girl, he would say that he's not going to pay for what my ex did, meaning that it was all in my head. To make a long story short, I eventually found out, because my gut instinct would not let up, that he was in contact with his ex for an entire year during our relationship and was on several dating websites for months and months. He also seemed to be flirty with a young girl at work, but blew it off how she was ugly, but interestingly enough he couldn't stop texting her as well....and whatever else he did, I will never know. Either way, the guy was a lying bag of $%$. It's been over 4 months for me now....the picture has become much clearer after exiting "the fog". I would be suspicious of him going "overboard", like quitting his job so suddenly, professing his love to you forever....you will be in a new country with him and then what? You might end up supporting the guy, who knows....happened in my case too....he just ended up using me while he was looking elsewhere...telling me I'm the love of his life.... I'm not trying to ruin your picture of him, but again, be careful of making excuses for the guy. The "mattress" was not necessary within a week, that just seems too quick, and very importantly, "you felt" that something was going on prior to your breakup. Do NOT ignore those feelings, do not blame your past. Be objective as you possibly can be, and I guarantee you, it's not just in your head. I think you should try to rid yourself quickly of him, he sounds like he's up to no good. Easier said than done, I know. We tried a couple times after our break up to mend things....it didn't work. I was too hurt, and yes, just the thought of him touching, kissing, or sleeping with his ex or anything else, made me literally ill. He, in turn, ended up ridiculing me and making me feel like **** about myself, only to divert from his doing. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache by going NC right after the break up, but he was always good at "acting" his way back into my life. Now it wouldn't matter what he tells me, I see him now for what he is, not for what I wanted him to be. Hope you listen to yourself! Edited September 30, 2011 by novus69
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Ah, I see how you could think that My bad!! No the ex that cheated on my, was my ex before this ex ^^ That's why I had so many trust-issues in my last relationship. but didnt your current ex now sleep with another woman after you guys have broken up? i dont know about you but thats freaking cheating to me i dont care what anyone says if you fully havent moved on from your previous relationship and you sleep with another person f that! thats disrespect towards you as a person and to your relationship. people like that don't deserve any kind of chances. but you will only realize this if you know your worth.
silly_panda Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Hey NordicStripes... How have you been..? How's the new country and work..? Same old problem again huh..? He seem sincere and serious about getting back together with you... As always, give yourself a little more time and see if you can let 'that' thing go... See if you two could really work things out when he get there... Have you thought of counseling or therapist..? Maybe they could help you get over it... Based on how you discribed the other girl, I kinda feel sorry for her...
KathyM Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Hfi all i need some advice. my bf broke up with me end of july. there had been trust issues on my part (i had been cheated on by my ex). I was heartbroken. i found out that not even a week after we had broken up he started sleeping with one of his colleages. i had felt she was interestd in him prior to the brakeup. she is quite ugly, to be frank, and my ex would tell me how ugly he thought she was. anyway, after two weeks he saw me again and fell for me all over. he stopped sleeping with the tramp (she has a reputation in our hometown as the mattress). he said he would do anything to get me back, that she had just been a rebound, that he had no feelings for her whatsoever and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A couple of weeks later, i moved to another count ry. he is now organizing to come after me. he will give up his friends and family to be with me. incidently, when he told me he wqnted me back i told him i wanted uim to quit his job. he did that that same day. the thing is, i still love him. he was not only my lover, but also my best friend, my rock. and him coming to another country to be with me must mewn something. but, the idea of him having sex with someone else... i am so disgusted hy him. how could i eve be with him in that sense again? It makes me sick... I know it's hard to deal with those thoughts, but you have to realize that you and he were broken up at the time that happened. He did not cheat on you. It sounds like he really loves you and values and appreciates you. Don't let this guy go. He sounds like a keeper to me. And don't let your past relationships sabatoge your current one.
Author NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 HI all, thanks for your replies! You've given me a lot of food for thought... I feel quite bad now, though. yesterday we had a fight on the phone (again... we have them every day). And when tried to call him back after we got disconnected, he didn't answer his phone. I called again and again, and he only answered today. He was hungover and 'didn't feel like talking'. He also said that while going out with his friends yesterday, he had run into the girl he slept with and her friends. He says they ignored each other. Even if that's true, it drives e crazy that he still runs into her. He's probably thinking about all the things they did in bed... I just can't handle it. When I told him this he said he wanted to give us another shot but not like this... It's like he's taking control over the situation, like he is the one in charge. I don't like it one bit, and I don't feel it should be like that. It is me who decides if we get back together, not him!!! How do I get the power back... ? I really am going crazy here...
silly_panda Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 It's like this because now you wan him back more than he wants you back... Do not tell him about how you feel about her sleeping with the other girl... Telling him doesn't help because it was something that already happened and he can't change anything... Rite now leave him alone for a while... Get help to see whether you could get rid of the issue of him sleeping with the other girl... This is a real problem... Really... If you could not forget this, your relationship is not going to work...
Author NordicStripes Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 I know... I know I think I will leave him alone now. There's nothing more to say. I just get him and myself frustrated. There's no point. And if I really want him back more than he wants me back... well... I don't think that's a good thing!!!
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