torn_curtain Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 It seems like love keeps on deepening, and whenever you feel you've reached a limit, it just gets deeper. Does this continue the longer you are with someone or does it plateau eventually? I have no idea because up until now I'd never been with someone I loved. I'm especially curious to hear from people who've been with their partners for at least a couple of years.
Emilia Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Love deepens over time yes. It goes through different stages and it changes until it becomes something very solid that's always with you. There are two men I love unconditionally - althought in different ways - and will do so until I die.
Eeyore79 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Over time a person becomes as much as part of your life as parents or siblings are. Think of how stable and unchanging your love for those people is - in time you can feel that way about a trusted partner too.
johan Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Roughly seven inches. It depends a lot on the guy.
make me believe Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Over time a person becomes as much as part of your life as parents or siblings are. Think of how stable and unchanging your love for those people is - in time you can feel that way about a trusted partner too. I agree with you, Eeyore. This is what changed in my feelings for my husband when we got married. The feeling of stability and just a deep, deep attachment. I don't believe that two adults can truly love each other without condition, but I don't think there has to be a limit on the love you feel for someone. So far my love for my husband has continued to grow and deepen. We've been together for 2 years, and I expect our love to grow and change throughout our lives. The love I have for him now is different than it was before we got married. There's an added sense of familial love that wasn't there before, I guess. Various life events definitely have the power to change your feelings/love for someone, deepen it, give you more admiration for them, etc.
Cee Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Love is abundant. That means that it grows. The more you have, the more you get. My former therapist said everyone has a different capacity for giving and receiving love. Some people have a tea cup, others a barrel, and others an ocean. We all can expand our capacity for love by loving and taking care of ourselves. My therapist was a model of love for me. He and his partner had been together for 20 years and happy. That man had light beams of joy emanating from him. By looking at him, it was easy to believe what he said.
zengirl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 My parents (mom & stepdad) have been together a long time now, coming up on 20 years soon, and they seem to be more and more the same person each year. It's funny and cute. They are the true example of a couple that are also each other's best friend. As to love growing, my observation is that it depends on what you mean. Certain types of passion (passion is a much misused word, really), intensity, and infatuation will inevitably plateau, and people who place too much value on those things don't seem to have enduring marriages. That doesn't mean the old "sex goes" type thing exactly, as I know VERY longterm (decades, lifetimes, etc) couples that still value their sex lives and such; it just means they have a more mature and balanced view of love and devotion overall. But at any rate, I don't think anyone's love really looks like anyone else's. It's a very personal thing. I do think you can find success markers that are similar in many longterm marriages, and part of that is the familial/best friend/partner dynamic strengthening over time.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Funny, me and boyfriend have discussed this recently. We both feel like our love is deepening and getting stronger over time. He is currently asleep with his head on my lap and I'm filled with so much love. We both wonder how far will our love keep growing and if there is really a limit. He is pretty much the most important person in my life. I think that's the difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation fades while love grows.
xxoo Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 There are stages of love, and they don't all feel equally great The first stage is falling in love, and being with that person feels AMAZING. You want to spend all your time together, you see each other through rose glasses, and minimize negative traits. This stage can last up to 2-3 years (right around the point where many couples decide to marry! ). During this stage of falling in love, there are actually chemicals released in the brain--love drugs--that make us feel good around that person. The second stage is more of a struggle. The chemicals are wearing off, and the negative traits are wearing on you. There are more arguments and power struggles. This stage can last for several years, and many couples break up in this stage. But this stage offers the greatest opportunity for growth as a couple. The couple that learns to work together, communicate, and find solutions that feel good for both people will thrive. The last stage is the deepest, although it doesn't feel as fluttery as the first stage. The last stage is mature love--knowing, accepting, and loving this person for who they truly are. Power struggles are largely an issue of the past, and each has the other's genuine best interests at heart. "Still waters run deep" comes to mind.
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