Bubbles2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 My ex and I broke up seven months ago and I still have feelings for him. We were together for almost 4 years, and he was the same person I always knew him to be right up until the end. I never even saw the break up coming. One day we are at his nephew's birthday party having a great time, the next day he calls me to say that he feels we should see other people. Till this day I am still totally clueless as to the true reasoning for the break up. He gave me excuses like "We don't have anything in common" (so not true!) and that I like to save money and he likes to spend more than I do. Yet, he said he wanted to remain friends, which I am not sure why he said because he called me once after the break up and I never heard from him again. I have seen him a couple of times since then and at first I wasn't speaking to him because he never called me on thanksgiving and never called me on Christmas (I returned his gift), but then twice when I saw him, I was really nice, basically trying to see if he would keep in contact with me if he felt I wasn't mad at him. Didn't work. It has been several months now and I still feel exactly the same as the day we split. I miss him sooo much. I feel like there was no real closure, but I am still in love with him too. What do I do???
krbshappy71 Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 Give yourself some credit, it has only been 7 months and you were together for almost 4 years. You shared a lot during that time, it is not going to turn off like a switch. You'll have some good days and some bad days....some days where you hate him and some where you cry and want him back. Let yourself feel all this without ridiculing yourself. Have you considered writing a letter or asking him on the phone if you two can discuss this, just to have some closure? Not under the hopes of convincing him to stay, but just to actually have "good-byes" so you can move on. If you are having trouble with the "friends" situation and it is just prolonging your pain, there is no contract forcing you to do it. Make a clean break instead. You just have to be able to stand up and say, "i'm sorry, I don't need the friendship with you if we can't be together." (to yourself, not necessarily to him...just pull back and stop seeing him/talking to him) He may have used the "friendship" thing to let you down easier. Hope any of this helps. Just my own ramblings.
Fancy Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 Aww, Bubbles, I'm sorry you're still hurting so badly. What you're going through is perfectly normal, though. You were with him for a long time and memories don't just go away overnight. There's nothing worse than not getting closure. Is there any way you can sit down with him and get some closure? I don't mean you should dredge up every single thing that went down, but just get the real truth as to why he ended the relationship. Would/could he do that? Do you have the courage to ask? And can you handle whatever he says? If that's not an option, maybe you should sit down and compose a letter to him saying everything you said here and whatever else is in your heart. Hold on to it for at least a month and don't send it. Just writing it down could be very helpful. If after a month you still feel like sending it, go ahead. I can totally understand the need for closure, but unfortunately sometimes in life we don't get that luxury. It's terrible too, because it makes the healing process that much more difficult. Are you dating anyone else or at least getting out there with friends and meeting new people? If not, you should! I'm not suggesting jumping into a new romance, but spending time ruminating over this constantly isn't going to help you to move forward.
Recommended Posts