How to handle busy boyfriend?

[ziggue]

I have expressed negative thoughts to a guy I have been dating lately. Once when he was taking a long time to reply back to a message when I snapped at him sending a text saying 'whatever' and secondly having a bit of a go at him when he canceled date plans for the second time.

 

He says that he was disappointed in me, the fact that I got like that but I have a right to be upset at times don't I? I mean I was disappointed he did not reply to my text for like five hours and that plans got canceled again.

 

I was fine with when he explained that he does not always have he's phone with him and stopped being snappy after that. I did though get weird with him when he canceled for a third time. He them proceeded to think he was to busy for me and tell me that I deserve someone who can give me the attention I deserve.

 

I told him I did understand how busy he was I just did not realise how much.

I mean it has been a while since I have seen and spoken to him in person and I am always initiating texts first. Do I have a right to get the way I did?

 

Now that I know. Willing to be more lenient but we both have to compromise on a few things if we wanna make this work. It can't just be what he wants the relationship to be. I would like some of my needs met as well.

 

Seeing him on the weekend. Feeling kind of bummed about things cause they are not looking good. .

 

Any tips guys? With how to bring this up without pressuring the guy and stuff.

[carhill]

I mean it has been a while since I have seen and spoken to him in person and I am always initiating texts first. Do I have a right to get the way I did?

 

How long is 'a while'?

 

On a typical day, how many texts do you 'initiate'?

 

Sometimes, people are too busy for a relationship.

 

Sometimes, people use 'busy' to 'explain' things which they otherwise might not wish to explain.

 

What would you consider a reasonable amount of contact in a week?

[ziggue]

About a month ago. Our date night is usually Wednesday night. The first time he canceled. He's Grandma was sick in Hospital. She got admitted the night before.

 

The second time. He's work colleague got an injury. The other night he was to buggered from work to meet up so did not bother. Had a go at him both times. I did not mean to but was feeling frustrated cause we had not seen each other in a while.

 

This guy has a sick Grandma, Uni work and work so it is full on for him.

 

I understand this (I made it known I did in my last text) and now we have made plans on the weekend and planning to work stuff out.

 

I rarely get texts but get contacted on Wednesday night without fail. I give him he's space and initiate texts around every two, three days. It is so hard not to do everyday but do not want to bother him. Especially at work.

 

Not really. One week. All I did get was something on a Wednesday. That was it. .

 

Does it still seem like he is interested? Just really busy? Just trying to get my head around it all. Do really wanna make this work. Compromise somehow on how to so my needs are getting met as well. Not just he's.

[carhill]

This seems like very light contact for a BF/GF situation. You're local to each other, right?

 

Is he his grandmother's guardian or conservator or caregiver? I ask because, as a caregiver, I did find things busy and stressful, but it didn't negate the rest of my life.

 

I'd say, the next time he finds himself 'too busy', to verbally accept that, 'I understand you are busy; if you find in the future to have more time for a relationship, please contact me'.

 

Is he interested? Perhaps, but not sufficiently to meet your desires in this relationship. Are your desires in this area reasonable? To me, reading, yes. That's one opinion.

[Eddie Edirol]

I dont know if hes still interested, maybe not enough, but youre not attracting him to spend more time with you by losing it on him this early in the relatyionship. Cuz now hes thinking, "if she cant control her emotions now, how bad will she be in the long run?"

 

You really need to be more laid back and wait for him to WANT to spend more time with you. You already told him that you want more time, you have to wait for him to want it. If he never does, its his loss. But nagging him isnt going to make him like you any more.

[ziggue]

I know it does! Hence why I am getting snappy lately. I don't mean to be cause I understand that he is busy.

 

I just thought things would be easier that is all. Did not realise how busy he actually was and thought he was intentionally bailing on me on purpose. Now I see. That was totally not the case.

 

The guy lives thirty, forty five minutes away from me depending on traffic.

 

Thanks. Glad that I am not the only one who thinks so. I mean I do not have to see the guy every day but once, twice maybe three times a week would be nice if doable.

 

Hopefully things get sorted on the weekend and if he does find himself 'too busy' again might have to do just that. Even though I do not want to cause do really like him.

 

It just sux cause I feel like I have not done anything wrong. I would be there more for him if he lets me. At times it just don't feel like he cares. We are fine when we are together though. Hence the confusion.

 

Eddie: Trying not to nag. Just disappointed more so then anything else. Give him he's space and stuff. Have been trying to control my emotions but have been taken for granted in the past and I think that is what is causing me to snap at him. Know not to do that now.

 

I feel like I have been laid back enough. I mean It has almost been a month since I have seen him in person and have only snapped at him like three or four times since we started going out a few months ago.

 

I do understand how busy he is. Just get confused at times with a couple of things I mean before realising he was not intentionally dogging out on me on purpose I thought that is what I he was totally doing and it really upset me thinking that. Hence the snappiness.

 

I don't have to hear and see him everyday. It just sux that when we are not together. It does not feel like anything. When we are though. Everything is fine.

Edited September 29, 2011 by ziggue

[spiderowl]

You are doing all the running and he wasn't as interested as you. Whereas he was on your mind when you weren't together, you weren't on his. It's a shame and I'm sorry this was the case, but there is a certain freedom in knowing when someone is lacklustre: you can move on to someone who is interested and dead keen to spend time with you.

[ziggue]

He invited me on a weekend away with me. Paid for everything. Accept the flight. Has gone out of he's way for me early on.

 

He still leads me on though. Like. He will say "let me know when you are free" making me think he is still interested.

 

If he was not interested why still this? .

[carhill]

Enjoy this weekend

 

On a less enthusiastic note, I have experienced those people who have remarkable timing giving just enough to keep someone ready to bail engaged. Unknown if this busy man is one of them. My opinion is to remain as long as this feels positive to you; if other, next.

[ziggue]

It feels like to me that he is still keeping he's options open.

 

I just wish that he was more honest with me about what he wanted. I mean why invite a girl on a trip away with you if you were not serious about her. .

 

Guess that is pretty obvious that answer. I just feel stupid that I thought that weekend actually meant anything more. I mean. The guy did pay for everything and went out of he's way for me a couple of times.

 

Just wondering if I will ever meet the right guy. Already in my 30's. Just over this bull****.