nofool4u Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I've never raised my hand in anger to anyone, and aint about to start. But some of ya, tell me, when you found out they cheated, didn't you really have fantasies of slapping the ever lovin' piss out of them? I know I did. Never would, but I just always wondered how satisfying it would be. Of course I didn't have to, my ex-wife's OM's girlfriend slapped her at a bar for me.
sadcalifornian Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Of course, who wouldn't feel the urge to punish the WS in the moment of anger? However, you openly talking about "slapping" your wife seems wrong. After all, we do not own our wives and they are not our slaves, just as we are not their slaves either. Even entertaining the thought of such violence should not be encouraged by starting a thread like this. OK, so let's say you indeed never raised your hand against a woman. Just curious. How do you feel about violence against other men then? Do you engage in violence with other men time to time?
carhill Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 The OP related "I've never raised my hand in anger to anyone, and aint about to start" IMO, the 'fantasies' sound reasonable considering the hurt involved. It's a long road from fantasy to reality. I was socialized to be non-violent but unfortunately had to learn violence to deal with some of the male population in my locale. Like my best friend related the other day when we were at the range, 'you know why everyone is so polite around here, don't you?' I squeezed off another clip while pondering my answer, which was that we're all law abiding, respectful citizens
ladydesigner Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 No I didn't feel like resorting to physical violence, but I did have a revenge affair. That wasn't the right answer either.
Owl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Nope, never considered physical violence against my wife. I considered abandoning her to live her life without me and dealing with the repercussions of her decisions...but then decided to consider reconciliation as a possibility. Now...fantasies about what I would do to OM...that's another story entirely.
StrongerThanB4 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 When I left my husband...I didn't inform him of it. I packed all my stuff...pre-planned of course...left him a big sign in our home saying "CHEATERS NEVER WIN". I now know how immature that was...but at the time..I really felt that way. I gave myself a couple of years to try and cope with his infedility and simply couldn't bring myself to trust him or believe him anymore. I have not yet regretted this decision.
bentnotbroken Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Yes. I considered physical violence against them both. I had fantasies about the things that I wanted to do to them, especially when I knew what was happening but they didn't know I knew, you know? (:osorry I couldn't resist.) But in the end, what I did was better for me than the violence. It was certainly a hell of a lot more humane for them.
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Of course, who wouldn't feel the urge to punish the WS in the moment of anger? However, you openly talking about "slapping" your wife seems wrong. you did catch that I never have nor would I ever raise a hand to anyone in anger, right? but thats just a vision you get in your head when you just found out how much disrespect was just hurled your way. OK, so let's say you indeed never raised your hand against a woman. Just curious. How do you feel about violence against other men then? again, I said I've never raised my hand in anger to anyone, that would mean male or female. Do you engage in violence with other men time to time? absolutely not
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 The OP related "I've never raised my hand in anger to anyone, and aint about to start" IMO, the 'fantasies' sound reasonable considering the hurt involved. It's a long road from fantasy to reality. I was socialized to be non-violent but unfortunately had to learn violence to deal with some of the male population in my locale. Like my best friend related the other day when we were at the range, 'you know why everyone is so polite around here, don't you?' I squeezed off another clip while pondering my answer, which was that we're all law abiding, respectful citizens well funny how a simple fleeting "thought" of a slap is unacceptable, when there was a thread started by a woman here where she punched her bf for cheating, and she was excused by many posters and said he deserved it. oh well.
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Nope, never considered physical violence against my wife. I considered abandoning her to live her life without me and dealing with the repercussions of her decisions...but then decided to consider reconciliation as a possibility. Now...fantasies about what I would do to OM...that's another story entirely. I understand the anger towards the OM, but he isn't the one that directly betrayed you. any anger you feel towards him should be triple towards your wife. but not saying you should WANT to slap your wife, because you shouldn't. just saying the anger should be higher.
JokeMan Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I've never raised my hand in anger to anyone, and aint about to start. But some of ya, tell me, when you found out they cheated, didn't you really have fantasies of slapping the ever lovin' piss out of them? I know I did. Never would, but I just always wondered how satisfying it would be. Of course I didn't have to, my ex-wife's OM's girlfriend slapped her at a bar for me. "Slapaho."LOL Hell yea I thought about. Almost came close to it, too. Glad I didn't though.
JokeMan Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Of course, who wouldn't feel the urge to punish the WS in the moment of anger? However, you openly talking about "slapping" your wife seems wrong. After all, we do not own our wives and they are not our slaves, just as we are not their slaves either. Even entertaining the thought of such violence should not be encouraged by starting a thread like this. Oh so people are just robots, eh? OK, so let's say you indeed never raised your hand against a woman. Just curious. How do you feel about violence against other men then? Do you engage in violence with other men time to time? What does this have to do with it?
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 "Slapaho."LOL Hell yea I thought about. Almost came close to it, too. Glad I didn't though. and violence is not to be condoned. just like if someone says, "I'll kill you if you ....." they don't mean it and I would NEVER hit anyone unless in self defense. but I did look at my x-wife at the time I found out and thought to myself, "oh just looking at this ***** pisses me off!"
freestyle Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I see nothing wrong with indulging in a few revenge fantasies--when the injury has been grievous enough. I am militantly non-violent (was that an oxymoron?) but I did allow my thoughts to go to some fairly surprising places, when I found out that I'd been betrayed. It helped me to feel a little better, for awhile. It was certainly better than curling up in a big ball of depression, and being immobilized by it. Allowing myself to fully FEEL the anger was healthy--better than repressing it, and having it turn into an ulcer.
Linda9999 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 OMG yes I felt like slapping him. I didn't though. I yelled and screamed and hit and kicked other things, like our stone floor (ouch!!) and pretty much let loose. I really did want to slap him. He even offered to let me slap him. I still don't know how I contained myself but I didn't touch him at all. That was on Dday#1. On Dday#2 we were in a hotel room and it was late at night. We were cuddled up in bed when he told me and I jumped up and started grabbing stuff and throwing it at him. A can of pop, books, pillows, whatever was handy. The can of pop whacked him a good one and he had a bruise from that. Somehow I managed to not aim for his head at least. It felt damned good to be whacking him with a pillow as hard as I could though, let me tell you.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I never considered slapping either of them, even once. My revenge fantasies have always revolved around public humiliation, which I don't believe is below me, if the situation ever presents it's self! Sometimes though people are their worst enemy, so you can be assured what goes around, comes around. Slapaho, is my new favorite word though!
unodos1011 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I most certainly did fantasize about it! Since the other woman lived right across the street I also made my way to her house but thank goodness she didn't open the door. I tell myself that I was just going to talk to her but really, who knows? I get to see the pain my husband suffers but I still think of the ways I'd love to get back at her.
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 I never considered slapping either of them, even once. oh I never "considered" it either. Just a fantasy in my head:eek: Slapaho, is my new favorite word though! I like that saying in the movie John Q from Eddie Griffin's character. "you from the Slapaho tribe!"
Woggle Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I sure felt like doing but didn't. I told her quietly in the calmest voice to get the hell out which was probably ten times scarier than flipping out.
ShatteredReality Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 K. Can I weigh in here? I was the WS in my marriage. My H never did hit me or anything, but I swear I expected it. I thought - if he's ever got a "freebie" it's right now. I have said before (to him) I am shocked he didn't put me through a wall! Now...I don't think hitting is ever ok - but I also don't think cheating is, so it's kind of a tit for tat. If a person slaps their SO for cheating I believe it's well deserved. I've asked him in the past - he said he wanted to hit me, he wanted me to share some of the pain I'd caused, but he restrained. I'll say this - I gained respect for him for that. I cannot honestly say if the roles were reversed that I would have held back from tossing him a fist or two - though he's much stronger and even my strongest punch would do little to no damage to him. It's the thought behind it right? Such fantasies are entirely warranted.
Woggle Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I would never hit a woman unless it was in self defense and cheating is not self defense. The best revenge is moving on and being happier without them and that goes for both genders. When my ex came over and saw what I did with the house and what she could have had with me the look of regret on her face was the best revenge ever.
Author nofool4u Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 K. Can I weigh in here? I was the WS in my marriage. My H never did hit me or anything, but I swear I expected it. I thought - if he's ever got a "freebie" it's right now. I have said before (to him) I am shocked he didn't put me through a wall! Now...I don't think hitting is ever ok - but I also don't think cheating is, so it's kind of a tit for tat. If a person slaps their SO for cheating I believe it's well deserved. while I feel it WOULD be well deserved, its not condoned or encouraged. again, I started this thread asking if anyone had the fantasy of satisfaction that might have come with some slappage. violence is never acceptable, unless in defense and then it wouldn't be violence IMO. I've asked him in the past - he said he wanted to hit me, he wanted me to share some of the pain I'd caused, but he restrained. I'll say this - I gained respect for him for that. I cannot honestly say if the roles were reversed that I would have held back from tossing him a fist or two - though he's much stronger and even my strongest punch would do little to no damage to him. It's the thought behind it right? doesn't matter who is stronger or what one's gender is, its not only wrong, its against the law. if you would have slapped your husband, he'd be well within his rights to have you arrested. Such fantasies are entirely warranted. yes, again, the fantasies are, not actually doing them.
ShatteredReality Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Wait a sec here...I'm not saying it would have been ok for him to beat the tar out of me or anything - I am saying it would have been understandable had he slapped me. It would have even been deserved. Hitting still isn't "right", but it certainly can be deserved in certain circumstances. It's wiser and and more respectable to refrain, obviously... Also - I was told alllllllll growing up that if a man was inappropriate I had a right to slap him. I never did. As a matter of fact, this was apparently where I went WRONG with OM. My H said I should have slapped him when he continued his advances after I had told him to leave me alone. SO - in that same vein of thought - when is it ok to slap a person and when is it not? But honestly - I agree with you that there's absolutely nothing wrong with the fantasy portion of it - I would say it's likely a common coping mechanism for this circumstance. Though Woggle has a great point - there's much better "revenge" in making ones life better without the cheater. I'm just glad my H decided to keep me in his life while he improved his life.
Linda9999 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 K. Can I weigh in here? I expected it. I thought - if he's ever got a "freebie" it's right now. This is exactly what my husband has said - he expected - even WANTED - me to slap him a good one, right smack on the face. He felt he totally deserved it, and was surprised I didn't do it.
ShatteredReality Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 This is exactly what my husband has said - he expected - even WANTED - me to slap him a good one, right smack on the face. He felt he totally deserved it, and was surprised I didn't do it. Maybe it's our guilt telling us we deserve this and more?
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