StormChazer Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Hi, my name is Charles and I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I have recently suffered a devastating break up with the woman I love but all the pieces don't add up, so I am looking for opinions/advice. I'm 20 years old, it was my mission in life to have the first girl I be with, be the last. So, I didn't date in high school, I waited until college. Once in college I fell for a girl from back home. Everything about it seemed "right". We are both mature individuals who understand love pretty well. I fell for her, and she fell for me. After 1 year and 8 months, she decided to end it. So this past summer, we were a little shaky at times(took 2 really short breaks) because she kept telling me she was having these "doubts" about our relationship. She wasn't sure HOW she loved me, but once we took a break she quickly realized she was being crazy and everything went back to normal, until it reared its head about a month later, same thing happened. So fast forward to the end of August. I had just moved away for college and she was moving away as well. We both knew this all along and were ready to take on this long distance relationship. We had always talked about wanting to get married, etc sometime after we were both out of school. We had found True love. We loved each other through our flaws and failures, heck I supported her to go to the college of her dreams which meant being 12 hours away from her, because I love her and know she deserves the best. The night before she moved she called me because she couldn't sleep. She asked me to just talk to her because the sound of my voice comforted her. I helped her go to sleep, but before she fell asleep she said she would love to marry me one day, love to spend the rest of her life with me. Fast forward two weeks and I get a phone call saying " I can't do this anymore" "I love you, but I'm being torn in two between us and school" Because her school is VERY demanding and time consuming. We had unrealistic expectations for how much we would be able to talk, skype, etc, which led me to feel she wasn't trying hard enough. I tried to convince her out of it but to no avail. 4 days prior she said I was the only guy for her, that I made her so happy, and let me reiterate that this is not a superficial, naive girl, we are two very committed people. So I take the weekend to think things over and realize what I can work on. So I call her back and what I was met with shocked me. She told me things like, "I don't love you that way anymore" "you need to move on" "this is my final decision", things VERY uncharacteristic of her to say. What adds to the strangeness is that she hasn't once talked to her BEST friend from back home about any of this, the same girl she confided in during our past rough patches. And anytime this best friend tries to talk to my ex, my ex is preoccupied with wither school or her "new" friends at her school. So it's like my ex had dropped off the face of the world for not only me but her friends as well. So here is my theory. This is her first year in college, she went from the cushion of high school to 15 hours from home and a new life with a demanding school schedule. That stress combined with those doubts I believe are the cause of this behavior. I know she loves me, but I know she is in her own little world right now. She is 18 as well so I know there is alot of soul searching going on within her right now. Might I remind you that 2 weeks prior the break up she was telling me she wants to marry me one day, etc, and she is VERY loyal, very mature. I've seen this girl at her worst and her best, so I know her very well and know that despite her words she still loves me, but I don't think she truly knows how to balance it all out. Iv'e made NO contact for 11 days now(not counting the hand written letter I sent her telling her I agree with her decision, I told her we're not in a position to be in a relationship, etc, kept it well natured, I didn't throw in any I love you's or I miss you etc, even signed it "your friend" Charles, and threw in a couple light hearted jokes). So I'm now in the waiting phase, but I am also trying to move forward in life, because I know I can't press pause for her. She just doesn't seem like herself right now, I think she is truly embracing college and her new friends to the max and as a result has made very little time for me or her friends from back home. Iv'e come to the realization that I don't want what we had back, because it clearly didn't work. I want something NEW with her, but the only way to do that is by getting over our first relationship, which I am. My birthday is in a little over 2 weeks which means not counting the letter it will have been 25 days since "No contact". I hope for a "happy birthday" of some sort, but if not would that be a good time to send her a casual text, perhaps commenting on how her college work is looking great(she is a pastry chef and posts pics of her work on Facebook), and just seeing how she is? Strictly as a friend of coarse, I'll keep my own agenda to myself. Because not only was she my girl but also my best friend, and I really miss our friendship. And I know if it is True Love then if we are friends, falling back in love should come naturally. Anyways, we will both be in town at Thanksgiving break and I think that would be a good time to see if she would like to grab a quick lunch and catch up, if any of those feelings for me are still there(which they will be) she should notice them. I'm just in that "No contact period" where I really hope she calls or contacts me within the next 2 weeks, and doubting if this will all work. I'd hate to be the one who has to initiate contact with her, it would just come as a relief to have it the opposite way. Cheesiness aside her and I are very good for each other, we bring out the best in one another and we love each other's families, they love us, etc. We just downright make a good couple. So I guess I'm just curious as to what you think? My belief is that she loves me but the stress and insecurities have cause her priorities and feelings to get jumbled up(she is 18 afterall). So yeah, that is my story.
PositiveNegative Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I'm no expert but it sounds like a case of GIGS. I had a similar experience with my ex. She dumped me despite telling me a few weeks beforehand that she did indeed want to marry me, but even then she was showing signs of doubt. Those signs of doubt that you guys had was a definite red flag of things to come. Also, my ex didn't ask for anyone's advice when she broke up with me, 2 weeks later her parents didn't even know we had broken up! I know where you are at right now. The planning to win her back, I did the same thing. My ex didn't really "have" a reason to break up with me, so I thought "Hey, I could probably get her back!". Well, guess what? While I was doing that planning she went and found a new boyfriend. Dude, it sucks but the best thing for you to do is move on. If she wants you back she will come and get you back. Unfortunately these things seem to happen a lot. Especially with college age girls. She probably wants time to experience life now, whether that is by herself or with another guy. But hey, hopefully I am wrong. I wish you luck
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