Paper Roses Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 if you are a married person who has a relationship online and on the phone (yes, phone sex)? I say yes it is cheating. I did it for almost 2 years and convinced myself that since I wasn't in the same room it wasn't cheating. I've since left my very unhappy marriage but I'm curious as to what you all think. I feel really bad about it, even though I never would have actually had sex with anyone else.
Keridan Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Probably, this is cheating. It's what is generally called and Emotional Affair (or EA). There is always exceptions, but the rule is pretty simple imo. If it breaks the implied or spoken relationship contract you have with your SO, then it is cheating. I'm guessing your SO would not have approved if you have to ask. Hope that helps
MissBee Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 if you are a married person who has a relationship online and on the phone (yes, phone sex)? I say yes it is cheating. I did it for almost 2 years and convinced myself that since I wasn't in the same room it wasn't cheating. I've since left my very unhappy marriage but I'm curious as to what you all think. I feel really bad about it, even though I never would have actually had sex with anyone else. Yes it is... If your wife didn't know, you tried to hide it, it was romantic....yes.
ShatteredReality Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 It may not be a physical affair, but it's an emotional one. Yes it's cheating. And you say now that you'd never have progresses to physical - but if you were in that strong of a relationship with the same person for very long and then you found yourself alone with that person, after having shared such intimacy - you'd be surprised how quickly you would have found yourselves in a naked pile and then afterward shaking your head saying "how could I?" only to turn around and do it again. Glad you freed yourself of a bad marriage though! And glad you did it before you DID have a PA.
carhill Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 If the behavior/actions/feelings deprioritized your primary relationship, then they were inappropriate. If such behavior/actions/feelings occurred and were purposely obscured or hidden from your spouse, then it is/was cheating. I'll give a non-sexual example, one drawn from long experience. You share intimacies with me, thoughts and feelings you normally only share with your husband. These don't pertain to sex between us. You may talk about your husband being a poor lover. You might be specific in some regards. We develop a 'bond', mostly because of and surrounding you having someone to 'talk to'. Later, some flirtation develops because, well, I'm not a girlfriend and women flirt with men. This can all go on online, then over the phone. Then it can become in-person. It still doesn't have to be sexual, which I describe as any contact or discussion involving or surrounding genitals and sexual acts. If I had a nickel for every ILY I've heard from women in such circumstances, I'd gladly give it back in double to be rid of the unhealthiness. Treble if they could clearly see and admit that it was unhealthy. Only rarely has that happened. MC was elemental in helping me describe the dynamic clearly and take my similar experiences as a MM and reflect back upon past experiences to clarify them and my role in those dynamics. Now, and it has happened, when women come to me like that, I suggest MC or talking to their husbands. I don't 'let it happen' and deal with perhaps appearing 'uncaring' privately.
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