Helena9900 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Hi guys, I have a big problem. I'm from Germany and living in the US for a year, 9 months are left. Three days ago, I've been dating an American guy, everything seemed to be perfect and I was just myself. I didn't inform myself about "American Dating Rules" in advance as I didn't think there was much difference in German dating. We don't have any rules about where and when the first and the previous dates have to be, when the first kiss, sex, whatever should be and who makes the first call after the first date. We seemed to have many similarities and he impressed me a lot. I was sure that the "magic" between each other I felt, he felt as well. At the end of the date, we even kissed. He asked me if I wanna meet him again the next day and I told him he should give me a call when I'm off from work. He didn't call me and I was waiting, so I did. He told me he was busy and that he would text me due to meeting in the evening. He texted me very late and mentioned he's been busy and he has to look at his schedule so that we can figure out when we can meet again. I didn't reply cause I was very disappointed and the message was not very friendly. Now I spent my time reading about how Americans date. Apparently, it was a mistake to kiss him at the first date and to call him the next day. Maybe he's even dating other girls simultaneously, as I heard that is usual for Americans (not for Germans generally). Additionally, I've heard about "dating game", however this "game" is supposed work, I have no idea... Do you think I still have any chance or did I make too many mistakes already? Btw, he didn't contact yet if we could meet again (maybe he's not even gonna do so). Please help me, I'm desperate! Thank you.
Nexus One Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) I'm familiar with both (North) American and European culture(s). In the US it is often considered normal to date multiple people at the same time, it's called multi-dating. While this is less common in Europe, it is accepted under formal rules in Europe. I.e. that you don't fool around with any of your dates and keep it formal with all your dates until you make a connection with someone and tell off the rest. However many Americans think it's normal to fool around with multiple people at the same time while dating someone for a relationship. I'm completely on the side of Europeans with this. For Europeans this is a culture shock, it's considered disrespectful, indecent, disloyal and classless. That doesn't mean there aren't any Americans that don't agree with such practices, there are, but many don't even get it and would refuse to change their ways. Americans better not try that sh*t with a European date, you'd completely f*ck it up with your European date. It's a cultural difference and I side with Europeans on it. It's not hard to properly date with respect for the feelings of the person you date, but regardless some people refuse it and will only think about themselves. I've had many arguments on this forum about it. The people who justify fooling around with multiple people while dating someone for a relationship pretty much don't get it and refuse to properly date with respect to the people they date. Personally, for me, it's simple. I don't want to date a woman who's already involved with another man. As simple as that. I'm not getting involved in love triangles just because some people don't even get basic principles like respect, loyalty, decency and ethics. Pass auf für solche Leute, schütz dein Herz Helena. Edited September 29, 2011 by Nexus One
Scottdmw Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Sometimes people make too much of this dating game thing. Some people follow it and some don't. So, it's possible you haven't messed things up. It's also possible that it wouldn't have mattered either way. What I would say now though is you have to let him make the next move. Don't call or text him anymore unless he makes a definite show of interest like contacting you for a date. He may consider it to be normal to wait even as much as 10 days before doing that (though most will not wait that long), so the best thing you can do is focus on other things and if he does contact you that's great. If he does not contact you I would recommend forgetting about him. Remember that even though you kissed only time will tell whether he is serious about you. Scott
Pierre Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I'm familiar with both (North) American and European culture(s). In the US it is often considered normal to date multiple people at the same time, it's called multi-dating. While this is less common in Europe, it is accepted under formal rules in Europe. I.e. that you don't fool around with any of your dates and keep it formal with all your dates until you make a connection with someone and tell off the rest. However many Americans think it's normal to fool around with multiple people at the same time while dating someone for a relationship. I'm completely on the side of Europeans with this. For Europeans this is a culture shock, it's considered disrespectful, indecent, disloyal and classless. That doesn't mean there aren't any Americans that don't agree with such practices, there are, but many don't even get it and would refuse to change their ways. Americans better not try that sh*t with a European date, you'd completely f*ck it up with your European date. It's a cultural difference and I side with Europeans on it. It's not hard to properly date with respect for the feelings of the person you date, but regardless some people refuse it and will only think about themselves. I've had many arguments on this forum about it. The people who justify fooling around with multiple people while dating someone for a relationship pretty much don't get it and refuse to properly date with respect to the people they date. Personally, for me, it's simple. I don't want to date a woman who's already involved with another man. As simple as that. I'm not getting involved in love triangles just because some people don't even get basic principles like respect, loyalty, decency and ethics. Pass auf für solche Leute, schütz dein Herz Helena. That was a very good post! The cultural thing that gets me about American style dating is the so-called question of exclusivity. I chuckle when I read a post about a woman giving sex to guy 3-4 times a week and she wonders if they are exclusive.:laugh: She writes to the forum wondering about what to do????:( That sort of mentality is so backwards is funny. Or they have enough intimacy to have monkey sex, but are afraid to talk about relationship basics because they don't know each other.:sick:
Author Helena9900 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks for all of your posts. What I forgot to say: I'll have a new cell phone number from Monday which he doesn't know. I wonder if I should text him the new number (maybe on Sunday evening) or if it's already too late anyway when he won't have contacted me until then.
Nexus One Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks for all of your posts. What I forgot to say: I'll have a new cell phone number from Monday which he doesn't know. I wonder if I should text him the new number (maybe on Sunday evening) or if it's already too late anyway when he won't have contacted me until then. You could text him your new number, you have nothing to lose regarding that. If he's not into you, then he hasn't been clear to you. Saying "I'm busy" can mean he's really busy or he's indirectly trying to tell you he's not interested. I'd say, text him the number, but leave it up to him to contact you. If he's into you then he'll make an effort to contact you. However be vigilant that he doesn't simply see you as a fling for sex or that he's dating and fooling around with other people at the same time. Know this, nobody can be so busy that they can't even take 30 seconds to send a text. Technically you can send a text while taking a sh*t and everyone takes sh*ts, so everyone has time to send a text. The jury isn't out on this guy quite yet, but it's not looking promising right now.
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