ccnaboy2000 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) So after 1.5 years together its over. At least for now anyway. We went through so much together, had a short breakup once for about 2 weeks 6mos into the relationship. Due to my losing my job and her feeling like she was doing all the work. But I was able to get back into the saddle, got a sweet engineering job, new apartment life was good. She ended up moving back in. But about 2 months ago she started getting really depressed and withdrawn. I could sense her pulling away and I was trying to spice things up, taking her out places more often and showing her how I care. But she moved out, said she wanted to be closer to school and work, which is BS because it's the same distance. But we stayed together. She kept withdrawing more. Sex vanished too. Then she pulled the plug. Said she felt things were different, she didnt feel the spark. She said I make her very happy and she enjoys the closeness and cuddling but she just cant do the sex and she knows its important to me. She also said she doesnt have time work on the relationship since she has 2 jobs, goes to school, and tutors kids. I didnt beg, plead or cry. I just agreed with her and went NC. Over the week she would text telling me how much she misses me, thinks about me, cares about me so much. I just let it go without responding. Then on Sunday she dropped by my house unannounced. I let her in and we talked just friendly, never brought up the relationship. After she left she texted me said she just doenst feel sexy anymore since she gained 40lbs, shes still attracted to me, doesnt know whats wrong. Maybe we should see councelling. But at the same time she doesnt want to be in a relationship when she's not 100% sure, and doesnt have time. I told her the choice is hers and left it at that. 2 days later I noticed on her facebook she was posting stuff like how she has butterflies, and posting love videos, and then talking about this new boy she is seeing! TWO DAYS LATER!! So I guess everything she said about "not having time" and everything was bull****, but I kept my cool. If she's happy then so be it. But I did want to leave one last impression. I texted her and asked her how she as doing, then asked if she was seeing someone. She said yea her gramma set her up but they are just friends (bull**** again based on her FB posts). I simply told her its great to hear and I guess thats my queue. She told me it's not a queue, we are just friends. I still care about you. Then she said "I wish you were mad at me, it would make things a lot easier for me because I know I'm hurting you and it hurts me even more." *(yea right lol). So I just responded. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy, and if that takes losing you to someone else then I'm okay with that. I wish you the best, and I hope you find your happiness and continue to apply yourself in whatever you do in life" She just responded back "Its so hard to be happy when you feel like ****". And that was it. No more contact. I think I handled myself very well. I'm a bit depressed, I feel like everything she said was a lie to me. But I hope I made a lasting impression a bit of time apart will make her realize what she lost, but that may be impossible since she seems to have moved on so quick. bla... But for now I'm trying my best to move on and stay out of her life. What do ya'll think :\ Edited September 29, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
PositiveNegative Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Oh God. I went through a similar text convo with my ex after I found out she started dating some guy. It took her 3 weeks to start a new relationship. I actually told her how angry I was though and how it wasn't fair that she should be happy and that makes me miserable. She responded similarly to your ex saying that she isn't happy and that her heart hurts because she is hurting me. Right. It hurts so much that she gets someone to be with tonight and to have the excitement to discovering someone new. Yeah, how awful for her...
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Oh God. I went through a similar text convo with my ex after I found out she started dating some guy. It took her 3 weeks to start a new relationship. I actually told her how angry I was though and how it wasn't fair that she should be happy and that makes me miserable. She responded similarly to your ex saying that she isn't happy and that her heart hurts because she is hurting me. Right. It hurts so much that she gets someone to be with tonight and to have the excitement to discovering someone new. Yeah, how awful for her... I agree. But I guess the only difference was I wasnt mad or angry because It wasn't my place, and mine only took a few days to get into someone new. She actually wished I had acted mad. But still bull in my book. Sucks too unlike a lot of relationships we almost never had an argument, and we never fought. I'm probably one of the most laid back levelheaded people around, at least thats what my friends say lol. So there was nothing particularly bad in our relationship, other than the fact she apparently just wanted some new d**k and felt the need to lie to me, but that might just be what I want to hear.
Chi townD Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Go dark and go deep NC. You said your peace. Nuff is nuff!!! Block her from FB, you don't need to see all of that crap. She can't even be honest with you. Don't respond to texts, e-mails or calls. She's feeling guilty and sooner or later that guilt is really gonna get to her. She's going to reach out to you again. Don't respond. Post here instead.
PositiveNegative Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I agree. But I guess the only difference was I wasnt mad or angry because It wasn't my place, and mine only took a few days to get into someone new. She actually wished I had acted mad. But still bull in my book. Sucks too unlike a lot of relationships we almost never had an argument, and we never fought. I'm probably one of the most laid back levelheaded people around, at least thats what my friends say lol. So there was nothing particularly bad in our relationship, other than the fact she apparently just wanted some new d**k and felt the need to lie to me, but that might just be what I want to hear. Same here man. I was a good guy through and through. No fights, no arguments brought about the break up. Like you said, she just wanted a new dick. Haha. She didn't lie to me about it though, she basically told me that she saw no point in going on because she needed more relationship experience. Can't blame her, we aren't gonna be this young forever. Just sucks I had to be her first love because if we would had met later then... well who cares? What's ifs, do me no good.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys. Any other insight or analysis of my situation? Did I handle this appropriately?
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Simple enough my good sir! If she really and truly meant those words she would have not been in a relationship or messing with this other guy AND she would be viciously attacking you for you to take her back. Confused, lying, greedy, selfish, etc blah whatever. Not your problem anymore until she comes and does the following mentioned above. NC!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Forgot to mention the one other text she sent a couple days prior to showing up on my door. She told me that she drives by my house often hoping that she would see me outside. And that me not talking to her is killing her. And she wanted to come to my door but was afraid I would slam it in her face. Don't know if that means anything or if she still has feelings or whatnot, but it is what it is. :\
PositiveNegative Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 When my ex called me last weekend she asked if anyone had responded to a craiglist ad that I put up (it wasn't for dating!). There was no way for her to know that I put that ad up and you would only know that it was me if you really knew me. It was for a section that she didn't have any reason to be in. She had to go to that section JUST to look and see if I posted in it. She even noticed that I misspelled ONE word in it. All I can think is that she read ever single word in that ad over and over again, not sure how she caught that. I asked her why she did it. She was silent. I asked if she did it because she missed me. She was silent. Mind you, I posted that ad AFTER she started a relationship with this new guy. Do I think it's because she still has feelings for me? No way. What I do believe though is that she misses me a lot because the relationship is still fresh, she is fooling herself though since she doesn't believe this new guy is a rebound. All I could think about when she told me that is she must've really ****ing missed me to go to craiglist! (I don't have a facebook so cyber stalking me is quite impossible)
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) more lies man =[ I just went into facebook to delete it. And after she got done telling me how much she cares for me yesterday and they are just friends she is now officially in a relationship. So even that was a lie! Shes gabbing all about him. **** man... yesterday she was whinning about how much she misses and loves me and then says hes just a friend and nothing more and today shes in a relationship. WHAT THE F(CK. Is this just a rebound? So depressing... feels like every word out of her mouth was a lie. every f**king word! I wonder if she even gave a sh*t. Or if she will ever regret it. Probably not :\ Guess thats what I get for letting things get boring and routine. Edited September 30, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 ^^^^ Man this is so tough I dont know what to think of all this now.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Well it's another day, still hurting trying to make sense of it all. Why did she try so hard to insist they were just friends when 2 days later they were in a relationship? Whats with all the lies, makes me feel like such a worthless POS and our relationship meant nothing.
Chi townD Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Well it's another day, still hurting trying to make sense of it all. Why did she try so hard to insist they were just friends when 2 days later they were in a relationship? Whats with all the lies, makes me feel like such a worthless POS and our relationship meant nothing. Rule number one- When a cheaters mouth is moving, they're lying!!! and yes, she was cheating on you. Becoming withdrawn, sex vanished....classic signs of a cheater.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) guess i'll never be hearing from that bitch again. it was nice to think we had something real for a while. but it is what it is. what a waste of a year and a half. Edited September 30, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Thank you everyone for your input. I felt better on the way to work today. I started getting very angry on my drive to the office. I just kept saying to myself "F**K that B*tch! If she pulled this crap on me and was lying then she never really loved me and I deserve better than that!" I started focusing on the good stuff in my life and what I have to offer a woman. Because honestly I am a very loyal honest and giving man. And it made me angry because I put in so much effort and always communicate. So if a woman isn't going to communicate when we have an issue and lie about it (which she did, every time I asked what was wrong she gave me bullcrap reasons) then why should I even care! So now I am angry, and it feels so much better than being depressed. At the moment I feel like I never want to hear from this wh0rebag again. And if she DOES end up contacting me again, which I highly doubt, that I think I'll just tell it to her face that there is no reason for me to have a liar in my life much less a friend and she's lost me for good. There are so many other hotter women out there that would love what I have to offer and wouldn't treat me with such disrespect and dishonesty. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hope she enjoys her new boyfriend while it lasts. Every man has always dumped her around the 6 month mark because shes a depressive wreck and does nothing to fix her problems (and she truly does have depression problems and refuses to take her meds, her dads also diagnosed bipolar which makes me wonder). Her anger issues stems from abuse from her somewhat estranged father who always mentally manipulated her. I was the only "good guy" she had (and she said it herself), and she lost me. Her big fricken mistake. This girl will never learn and never have a successful relationship as long as she never heals her depression / anger issues that she has. It will always catch up to her. You think I hit the nail on the head with that one? Oh yeah I'm 28 and she is just turned 21. Dont know if it's immaturity too. Edited September 30, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Welp its a brand new day. My mind is still trying to piece everything together. I guess maybe I still think there is a chance. This whole ordeal seems to be hitting a little harder now. I think I ended things super well and went NC and wished her the best with her new man. It hurt so much to say those words, and makes me wonder if it would have any impact down the road and if she will regret it. I've been losing a pretty good amount of weight lately, not that I was really fat to begin with :\
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