dreamcity Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I haven't seen my ex since we split in mid-August (we live in different countries) but tomorrow we're seeing each other and I'm helping him with something at an event he's doing. I feel increasingly torn. On the one hand, I kind of want to punish him for his continued coldness (the time he asked me to this event was an exception). I know that if I'm interested in getting him back I should ignore him as much as possible. The thing is, I really don't know that I do want him back. I think our split was likely a good thing. Inasmuch as I do want him back, it's because I feel humiliated at being passed over and want to show (by being distant but beautiful at the event, preferably) him what an idiot he is. Another part of me would simply like to have a cordial friendship, where both can respect and like the other. I know these are contradictory. I feel like the distance aspect crunches things horribly. I've already committed to the event, but I'm not sure about my policy for the rest of the weekend. I know you're all going to say I should be unavailable and have other plans, but I simply don't know. If I don't want him back, it shouldn't matter, should it? Currently we both sit on skype, ignoring each other. Ayaiyaii
geegirl Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 "Whether you go through with it or not should be dictated by how you feel, and not by what everyone here says. I'm seeing my ex on Friday after he came up with some excuse that he needs my help to make a video of an event he's doing. I know seeing him may set back my recovery a bit... but frankly I'm not in a recovery mood anyway and I want to be friends (hehe, maybe with the odd benefit, we'll see)." This is what you posted a couple of days ago. Would it matter the advice given to you by other posters since you will do what you feel and seeing that you are not in a recovery mood and want be FWB.
Author dreamcity Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 And you said a while back you weren't the "I told you so" type GeeGirl. We all second guess ourselves. By all means if you wish to drive people from this forum with your unhelpful criticisms of other people's personalities, as I've seen you doing on various other threads... well, you are sure to achieve it. I understood that this was a place we could express our feelings when we are having difficulty expressing them elsewhere. My breakup is difficult for me, but that doesn't mean I can't see it as a good thing in the long run, and nor does it mean that I don't think there is a potential between us for other sorts of relationships. As the time draws closer I am understandably a little anxious. that's all.
geegirl Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 And you said a while back you weren't the "I told you so" type GeeGirl. We all second guess ourselves. By all means if you wish to drive people from this forum with your unhelpful criticisms of other people's personalities, as I've seen you doing on various other threads... well, you are sure to achieve it. I understood that this was a place we could express our feelings when we are having difficulty expressing them elsewhere. My breakup is difficult for me, but that doesn't mean I can't see it as a good thing in the long run, and nor does it mean that I don't think there is a potential between us for other sorts of relationships. As the time draws closer I am understandably a little anxious. that's all. "Whether you go through with it or not should be dictated by how you feel, and not by what everyone here says." I'm not a "I told you so" type of poster. And you can always second guess yourself. You ask for advice but you make a cocky statement such as the above only recently. People take time out of their day to provide advice and help a poster but when she comes back with "I just do what I feel rather than what people say", then what is the point. No one is "driving" you away. This is a public forum. If you don't like what I say, don't read it. If you do, great. While there may be some that hate my guts, there are those that don't. Take care. Hope you make the right choice for yourself.
Author dreamcity Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I don't hate your guts but I think you are shockingly self-important. Please don't trouble yourself taking any further time out of your day (what a load of bs anyway... you are on here because you want to be, not out of any altruistic leanings--go volunteer at a women's shelter otherwise). Anyone less judgmental have any thoughts... I won't ask for advice.
Mack05 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I think I can speak for the majority of this site and say Geegirl is one of the most helpful, classiest and insightful posters on this site. I have no idea why you post looking for advice Dreamcity, because when you hear something you don't want to hear (i.e. the truth) you respond immaturely. People try to help each other on this site. Sometimes the advice is right, sometimes it is wrong. None of us are perfect. I know for example, I give out some tough love sometimes. I don't do it to be intentionally critical. I do it, because I try in my own way to help. If some posters consider my approach wrong, they are of course entitled to their opinion. I know some posters appreciate me, I know that some dont (I am sure you are one of them). Geegirl, myself and many others on this site, have responded as best we can to your threads. We have advised No Contact. It's because we feel it's the best approach from personal experiences, but also because this is what the experts recommend. Paid professionals who have written books on this topic who no disrespect to you, know alot more about it then you do. If you are looking for advice where people sugarcoat the truth just so you will agree with them, maybe you are on the wrong forum. I like Geegirl, will never make any attempt to reply to any of your threads again. If you keep up the attitude you will find less and less people replying to threads also.
Author dreamcity Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 In fact, Mack05, I always look forward to your advice and have not wished to suggest otherwise. I know you think I dislike you but I assure you you are wrong... I merely disagreed with you on a few points, and I was not the only one. Life exists in shades of grey I have no wish for sugarcoated truths, I have a wish for subtle, nuanced discussions. However I am clearly in the wrong place. How silly of me to have ever thought the internet would contain anything other than the blind leading the blind. I am consistently painted as the villain on this site for having a mildly alternative viewpoint. Never mind. Thank you Mack05 for interesting reading, and the Dovic, if you're reading ... I hope you get your girlfriend back.
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